How funny is this ...

I got a candy bar!
I got a popcorn ball!
I got a quarter!
I got a rock.

Haha! Yeah, the Great Pumpkin was on last night. I only watched a smidgen, but I did catch that part. Never fails to crack me up.

BTW, I'm pretty sure Linus was gay, along with Peppermint Patty. Not that there's anything wrong with that! I'm also pretty sure that Charlie Brown went postal once he got to the teen years. It's impossible to be spanked around that much as a kid and come out normal.

I'm stuck on a word today. Ever have a word that's a very normal word, but you look at it one day, and it just seems ridiculous. Well, mine is kitchen. I haven't the slightest idea why, but it makes me giggle like a schoolgirl inside when I look at it. Kit-chen. Kitchen. No, I am NOT on mushrooms.

I just made this up. Watch:

You're in? Alice is!

Now, say that really fast, running it all together. That's right ... urinalysis. Hmm ... on second thought, I did have mushrooms in my fajitas the other night.

Let's discuss Collateral. Well, I'll discuss it, you just read my rant. Deal. So, I don't really care about the movie that much - it was ok, mainly because Jamie Foxx was great and Jada Pinkett-Smith is the hottest woman ever. Here's what annoys the urine out of me:

1) Scene in the club. People everywhere. Jamie Foxx and this cop head to the exits. A few moments later, Tom Cruise heads to the exits from further back in the club. Cut to outside. Tom Cruise shoots the cop with Foxx as they're leaving the club. WTF?! Um, how did Tom Cruise get outside of the club before they did. Stupid ass mofo garbage #1.

2) SAMG (that's stupid ass mofo garbage to you, but I'm too lazy to type it. Mmm, wait, I just did. Forget it.) #2. Hotness and Jamie are on the 14th floor of a building. Foxx shoots Cruise IN THE FRIGGIN' HEAD. Bam! TC falls over, they split for the elevators, a few seconds later, TC pops up. WTF?!

3) Same scene, Hot Stuff and Jamie are in the elevator. They go to the lobby and our boy TC takes the stairs. Now, there's no one else in the building, TC just got SHOT IN THE FRIGGIN' HEAD, and he's taking the stairs, yet he manages to be right behind them when they leave the building. WTF?!

Stupid ass movie. Not to mention ol' Tom Cruise played himself yet again.

BTW, if I ever get SHOT IN THE FRIGGIN' HEAD, I ain't getting up for a few minutes. Bank on it. I don't care if Lauren Holly and Angelina Jolie are serving Pez in the lobby and giving away free smooching sessions in the elevator ... I'm going to be down for a few minutes.

A moment on Muppets. Thank you.

Beaker ... did this guy get some serious bad drugs or what?
Oscar ... put a friggin' sock in it, ya bitch. Jeez. Remodel the garbage can, get your eyebrows waxed, and take control of your life, man!
Snuffleupagus ... um, can't somebody give you a nickname? Damn. That must be hell on the DMV people.
Mrs. Piggy ... go read "He's Just Not That Into You" or whatever that chick book is called. The frog just don't dig on swine.
The Frog aka Kermit ... uh, stay away from France, cuz you're a delicacy there. Trust me.
Ralph (dat's da dawg dat played da piano) ... uh, how the hell can a dog play the piano? You don't even have thumbs!
Animal (the crazy red one that played the drums) ... dude, ya look a liiiiiittle too much like Charles Manson. Take one more step closer to the razor next time, too.
Swedish Chef ... I checked with the Swiss Miss - you ain't speakin' Swedish, pal. Bring that language in for a fitting.

Finally, if you've been around me at all, you'll know that I am hecka fired up for the release of Walk The Line, which is the story of Johnny Cash and stars Joaquin Phoenix (my favorite dude actor) and Reese Witherspoon (hotness personified, and a fine actress to boot). I plan on seeing this baby sometime in the next year. Ok, I can't stand the yahoos in the theater audience - gorging on popcorn, talking on cell phones, yappin' kids - so sue me. I might have to brave it for this one, though.