Ok, it's time for you people to start calling me by a new name ... Mr. Productive! No, wait, how about Senor Productivo? That's cooler. Oooh, how about Herr Productive? Ah, this is getting silly ... just call me what you usually call me - Adonis.

So, why the name change? Well, I kicked some royal ass on my house this weekend. I cleaned pretty much the whole damn thing. Mmm, ok, so I didn't do anything in the basement. Hmm ... didn't touch the fridge, either. Or the kitchen floor. Ok, forget I said anything.

I actually stayed in on Friday. The horror! Saturday, well rested and ready to go, I headed out to a birthday party/duckpin bowling thing, which ... mmm ... ok, I'm not going to pull punches here - I was bored out of my friggin' mind. The kicker was it was BYOB, and I had my flask with me, but it wasn't lasting, so I had to sip my drinks. Sip? That's for sippers! Sip this. Sip off. I think sip might be my new cuss word. For sip's sake! Sippin'-A! I don't give a SIP! I'm losing it.

When you're bowling in a group, it never fails that there will be one person on your lane who never, ever, ever realizes that it's their turn. You have to continually remind them that it's their turn. I mean, how hard is this? You follow Fat Pat, who is after Plain Jane, who is after Scary Harry, who follows Joe Blow. Hey, here's a hint ... when Fat Pat's up and bowling, your turn is coming soon! If Fat Pat is rollin', don't be going to the john. If Fat Pat ain't rollin', you can have sex on the scorin' table for all I care (which would also bring a double entendre meaning to the term scorin' table). Dopes.

Yeah, so by the time I got out of there at 11, somewhat cranky and almost sober, I could've sprinted all the way to Portside. That's about a mile, if you're scoring at home.

My home away from home was fun as always. I got into a long discussion with a young lady about striped shirts. I know that's a big surprise. The best was when I went to the bathroom, and I came back and this complete and total tool was hitting on her ... and he had on the world's finest striped shirt. Absolutely hilarious. She gave me the "help me" look, I snickered, mouthed "striped shirt", and gave her a thumbs up and a wink as I walked by to talk to someone else. The po' thing.

I also met a hecka hot thing who goes to my gym. We got into a convo, and she mentioned that she saw me at said gym. This was part of the discussion:

Me: So, you go to my gym. I don't know if I've seen you there.
She: I've seen you.
Me: Really? Ok then. So, what was I wearing?
She: Nothing.

Umm ...

I spent most of Sunday at the mall. I got some new cologne, so be sure to sniff me the next time you see me. I also got some new jeans, so be sure to ... you know something ... I'm just going to leave that one alone.

Put on your jealousy shoes, people, because I went to the Foo Fighters concert last night. It was hecka-fan-rific. Dave Grohl is in a very close race with Billy Jo from Green Day as my favorite lead dudes in rock bands. That guy could make a song about cancer funny. He even let Taylor come out from behind the drums and sing his li'l rock tune and DG went back and got on the drums. 'Twas also good to see Dave behind the skins ... brought back some great memories.

I'll tell ya what's funny. Here's a list of some of the movie descriptions on the Playboy Channel:

Beauties have fun at an amusement park.
Beauties show off their curvaceous bodies.
Beautiful women titillate their lovers.
Spicy seductresses turn up the heat.
Young beauties display active lifestyles.
Seductive beauties rule the night.

Some dude actually has to sit around and think up this stuff. I'm guessing he has one of those magnet sets that people have on their fridges, with a few of the choice words ... you know - beauties, seductive, titillate (a personal favorite of every 12 year old boy), curvaceous, etc. He just rotates them around and picks out a couple. Kinda like the casting calls for the movies themselves.

I came so close to buying a Pez dispenser the other day. I mean, I had it in my hand and everything. You know the one thing that stopped me? Remember when you'd be loading the thing, and it would snap and Pez would fly everywhere? Yeah. I'm not sure I could handle that sort of stress at my age. Friggin' Pez.

The other thing that stopped me was the flavors they had with the dispensor. Lemon? WTF? What kid, or near adult in my case, would choose friggin' LEMON? Lemon is like the nerdy kid at the party - someone always gets stuck with it. Stupid Pez people. If I want to eat pee-colored candy ... hmm ... I don't think I can finish that without getting in some serious trouble.