I've been suckered! Bamboozled! Schnozzled! Fellatioed! Wait, not that last one. Anyway, here's the story. My boy from DC calls me last week to invite me to a birthday party for a friend in DC this coming weekend. Hey, birthday party to me at this age means drinking, drinking, dancing, talking to women, drinking, and talking to women, right?
Nein!
Well, actually, all of those things may happen, but I'm going to have to do it in my DC uniform. For those of you that ain't seen me live (and it's quite a sight ... women and men both faint away as I strut down the street John Travolta style), I'm pretty much a casual clothes wearer. You know, shorts, jeans, Gap T-shirts, man necklace ... standard stuff. Well, unless I'm at work, in which case I have to wear a noose ... er, a necktie.
So, the DC uniform is pretty damned close to a striped shirt outfit. In fact, if I were to show up in a striped shirt, I'd fit right in. Cripes, I'm heading into enemy territory! Not only that, but I gave away pretty much all my pants that aren't work clothes to Goodwill, so now I'm going to have to go buy pants just to go to a birthday party. Mofo!
Yeah, I can complain more, g'damnit. Watch me.
I found out another one of the hot women from the gym is married. Saw her in the grocery store, and she was wearing her ring, which she doesn't wear at the gym. Cue the "Another One Bites The Dust" music! Eh, she was probably high maintenance anyway. I can rationalize anything!
Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta. How's that for confusing?
Cats don't dig it when you try to make them jam to "Groove Is In The Heart".
Survivor returns tomorrow, and rumor is that Steph is back on the show. Now, if ya'll were paying attention last year, you'll know that I had a major crush on Steph ... at least until she showed up at the reunion show hooked out with enough makeup to make a drag queen proud. Silly Steph.
I just spent two hours at war with the cat hair in my house. Guess who won? I have most of the windows open in my house, since I'm praying that sometime this year the humidity is going to drop below 198%, so I generally sweat like Michael Jackson at a PTA meeting when I'm cleaning the house. Well, as if that isn't enough, I also manage to get cat hair stuck to me, since it's just flying around in the air. It's fabulous. I end up looking like Bigfoot with a bad haircut.
Don't get me started on Bigfoot, either. If I haven't shared that story, I'm going to have to in the near future. The hot neighbor got a big kick out of how big of a pansy I was as a kid. Good thing she's hot, or I'd ... well, I wouldn't do anything, but I sure could come up with some real serious idle threats. I'm tough like that.
The spiderman is having me for dinner tonight ... so I'd better split. If ya don't know, ask The Cure.
Nein!
Well, actually, all of those things may happen, but I'm going to have to do it in my DC uniform. For those of you that ain't seen me live (and it's quite a sight ... women and men both faint away as I strut down the street John Travolta style), I'm pretty much a casual clothes wearer. You know, shorts, jeans, Gap T-shirts, man necklace ... standard stuff. Well, unless I'm at work, in which case I have to wear a noose ... er, a necktie.
So, the DC uniform is pretty damned close to a striped shirt outfit. In fact, if I were to show up in a striped shirt, I'd fit right in. Cripes, I'm heading into enemy territory! Not only that, but I gave away pretty much all my pants that aren't work clothes to Goodwill, so now I'm going to have to go buy pants just to go to a birthday party. Mofo!
Yeah, I can complain more, g'damnit. Watch me.
I found out another one of the hot women from the gym is married. Saw her in the grocery store, and she was wearing her ring, which she doesn't wear at the gym. Cue the "Another One Bites The Dust" music! Eh, she was probably high maintenance anyway. I can rationalize anything!
Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta. How's that for confusing?
Cats don't dig it when you try to make them jam to "Groove Is In The Heart".
Survivor returns tomorrow, and rumor is that Steph is back on the show. Now, if ya'll were paying attention last year, you'll know that I had a major crush on Steph ... at least until she showed up at the reunion show hooked out with enough makeup to make a drag queen proud. Silly Steph.
I just spent two hours at war with the cat hair in my house. Guess who won? I have most of the windows open in my house, since I'm praying that sometime this year the humidity is going to drop below 198%, so I generally sweat like Michael Jackson at a PTA meeting when I'm cleaning the house. Well, as if that isn't enough, I also manage to get cat hair stuck to me, since it's just flying around in the air. It's fabulous. I end up looking like Bigfoot with a bad haircut.
Don't get me started on Bigfoot, either. If I haven't shared that story, I'm going to have to in the near future. The hot neighbor got a big kick out of how big of a pansy I was as a kid. Good thing she's hot, or I'd ... well, I wouldn't do anything, but I sure could come up with some real serious idle threats. I'm tough like that.
The spiderman is having me for dinner tonight ... so I'd better split. If ya don't know, ask The Cure.
posted by AxnJxn at 7:56 PM
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