I'm weird. The neighbor says I'm odd, but I think a better fit is weird. Well, who cares ... I'm probably both. Why, you ask? Example - this is from an email string I was sending to a friend. I'll let you guess which responses are mine.

I like everything.
Everything? You even like it when the dryer eats your socks? WTH?
LOL, Oh no, not that! And it's not the dryer, I swear there's a "sock monster" in there!
Sock monsters need love, too!
Yea? I catch that lil' sucker and I am suffocating him with lint! hehehe
To a sock monster, that's probably considered foreplay

See? Didn't I tell you? But, I'm going with the Forrest Gump defense - weird is as weird does. Or something like that. Never mind, let's just move on.

So, there's this Chinese buffet joint right by where I work. Good stuff, I love it, and every single time I go there, I get the takeout styrofoam container thingy and load up and ... important point ... I always get it to go (hence the takeout styrofoam container thingy). Now, I've been there maybe 25-30 times, I pretty much get the same exact thing every time in the same exact container, and I always get it to go. Why, then, does the lady ask me, EVERY SINGLE TIME, if I want it to go? Great googily moogily.

You know what's hard? Stifling yawns. I sit through some pretty dull meetings sometimes, and I'm constantly working on my yawn stifle technique. The key is to pretend you're either scratching something around your face, or that you're about to sneeze. I'm yawning right now just typing this. I'm sure you're yawning reading it.

Free Me and DOA by the Foo Fighters. Know it. Learn it. Live it.

There's this joint down in Alexandria called the Birkenstock ... mm, no, Birkenshire ... I think. Anyway, it's this casual sorta place where bands play, generally the wimpier sorta bands. I mean, it's not like it's stuff that I don't like, but you're not going to be doing any headbangin' there. It's restaurant seating with dinner and whatnot. Why do I bring this up? Because George Thurogood is playing there. George Thurogood!

I'm trying really hard to get a visual of George Thurogood playing a dinner seating sort of place, and it's just not working. I mean, can you imagine some yuppies sitting there with their wine and flank steak with sprouts or whatever it is that yuppies eat and listening to this:

"Now every morning just before breakfast
I don't need no coffee and tea
Just me and my good buddy 'weiser
That's all I'll ever need and I drink alone"

Dunno. I just can't see it, for whatever reason. Here are some song titles:

One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer
If You Don't Start Drinkin', I'm Gonna Leave
Bad To The Bone
You Talk Too Much

Get what I'm sayin'? Welp, I think I'm gonna have to check this out, just to see it, knowwhatimean?

Tonight I'm going to see a band named Love Seed Mama Jump. Yes, very bad name, but they're supposed to be pretty good, and I'm a LSMJ virgin. Pretty much anytime I can work the word virgin into a conversation, I'm doing it, in case you didn't know. Other things I'm virginal at:

- understanding anything Rosie Perez is saying
- seeing a good Freddie Prinze movie (that's a double bonus joke, as Levi was talking about him at lunch)
- mopping my kitchen floor without any cat tracks on it
- sleeping with Lauren Holly or Sarah Jessica Parker (damnit)
- driving anywhere without some other driver doing something stupid

There'll probably be others later ...

There's a new holder of the title Hottest Girl in the Gym. She appeared last night. She has officially replaced the Woman I Hit On In The Alley That One Night. I'm sure these people all have names, but it's much easier to remember them my way. I think I'm well on my way to my goal of becoming a dirty old man, too. And before you say anything, I'll give you a Kevin James. Shut off.

Saw that they're talking about making a remake of ... ah, hell, I can't even remember which movie, but it's another movie from the 70s. Do you think the movie producers in Hollywood are just flipping through their old VHS tapes for ideas these days? I can see them having these elaborate meetings at some executive's house and just running through the movies in the bookcase. Wonka! The Longest Yard! Great ideas! Um, here's a thought ... something new?

It's Friday, people. Drink on.