Friggin' Monday. You know that's exactly what you were thinking, too. Just admit it already. We'll both feel better.
[edit note ... I know it's Tuesday when I'm posting this, but I started writing this thing on Monday. Yes, I'm very lazy. Shaddap.]
You know it's been an interesting weekend when you start most of your accounts of what happened with the word "Apparently". As in:
- Apparently, I was at Artscape for all of about 20 minutes. Call me crazy, but at 8:30 on a Saturday night, after I've had a couple spanks with the Cap'n paddle, art isn't my first interest. Unless Art is a woman with a small waist and a great smile. I'm funny that way.
- Apparently, the word Hoobastank is hilarious to me at certain times of the night. That was what we were using as our "toast" word on Saturday night. It's sorta like Pee Wee's secret word, except minus the creepiness of Pee Wee and chairs that talk. Anytime someone said Hoobastank, it was drink up time. Hoobastank!
- Apparently, if you hold the door for a hooker, she'll be very friendly. Cripes. I'm waiting for the light rail to go to Artscape, so I popped into 7-Eleven for a drink. I hold the door for this lady, and she's starts blowing me kisses. Um, blowing me kisses for opening a door? Ok, maybe she wasn't a hooker, but the outfit and the reaction were a little ... out there. Come to think of it, if she was a hooker, it's no wonder she was so friendly.
Ok, enough of the apparently stuff - on to the recap. On Friday, one of my dumbass friends committed another dumbass move. Dumbass. So, I ended up going out by myself and doing my own thing. Worked pretty well, even though I ran into my ex ... twice. That's always a bonus in any evening. I saw her at Cosmo's, leaving as I was coming in, then I got bored with Cosmo's and left.
Now, there are probably 10 bars on the Square, another 20-30 in Canton, and another 100+ in all of Baltimore. I walk in the next bar ... and there she is. What are the odds? If you live in my world, obviously they're pretty good.
The rest of the night was spent at Portside where, strangely enough, nothing of any real interest happened. I know, I know, I'm a bit perplexed as I write this, but it's true. I managed to end up with the same bar tab, though, and to steal some ice cream from the hot neighbor.
Saturday, I almost peed my shorts. Literally. We were coming back from Artscape, and I ended up in a full sprint to get to a bar to whizz. Full friggin' sprint. Imagine a man, almost 6' tall, almost 215 lbs, sprinting down a city street in flip flops and shorts while trying to hold his bladder. Got the visual? Ok, it looked even more ridiculous in real life.
Beauty is, I get to Magerk's, and there's someone in the bathroom. So, I'm doing the leg cross thing along with the eyes crossed thing, while trying to look cool. Pretty much impossible. Even the bouncers were getting concerned - when the door opened, they both yelled "It's Open!!" and make shooing gestures at me.
So, to recap, the list for Saturday ... Artscape, Magerk's, Thirsty Dog, Ropewalk, Mother's. I also made enough future plans to cover the next 3 months. I'm really good at that - planning things when I'm drunk. Then, sobriety comes, and I have no interest in doing any of them. I think I'm scheduled to go cow tipping, sing karaoke with monkeys, and watch Beaches next month. Yeesh.
Sunday ... recovery. I did manage to check out an interesting movie - Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. It's the story of Chuck Barris, who was the host of The Gong Show and the creator of The Dating Game and The Newlywed Game. Good stuff - turns out he may or may not (depending on whether you believe him or not) have been an assassin for the CIA while he was producing these shows in Hollywood. Check it if you get a chance, it's a well done flick, and Sam Rockwell is perfect in the lead role.
[edit note ... I know it's Tuesday when I'm posting this, but I started writing this thing on Monday. Yes, I'm very lazy. Shaddap.]
You know it's been an interesting weekend when you start most of your accounts of what happened with the word "Apparently". As in:
- Apparently, I was at Artscape for all of about 20 minutes. Call me crazy, but at 8:30 on a Saturday night, after I've had a couple spanks with the Cap'n paddle, art isn't my first interest. Unless Art is a woman with a small waist and a great smile. I'm funny that way.
- Apparently, the word Hoobastank is hilarious to me at certain times of the night. That was what we were using as our "toast" word on Saturday night. It's sorta like Pee Wee's secret word, except minus the creepiness of Pee Wee and chairs that talk. Anytime someone said Hoobastank, it was drink up time. Hoobastank!
- Apparently, if you hold the door for a hooker, she'll be very friendly. Cripes. I'm waiting for the light rail to go to Artscape, so I popped into 7-Eleven for a drink. I hold the door for this lady, and she's starts blowing me kisses. Um, blowing me kisses for opening a door? Ok, maybe she wasn't a hooker, but the outfit and the reaction were a little ... out there. Come to think of it, if she was a hooker, it's no wonder she was so friendly.
Ok, enough of the apparently stuff - on to the recap. On Friday, one of my dumbass friends committed another dumbass move. Dumbass. So, I ended up going out by myself and doing my own thing. Worked pretty well, even though I ran into my ex ... twice. That's always a bonus in any evening. I saw her at Cosmo's, leaving as I was coming in, then I got bored with Cosmo's and left.
Now, there are probably 10 bars on the Square, another 20-30 in Canton, and another 100+ in all of Baltimore. I walk in the next bar ... and there she is. What are the odds? If you live in my world, obviously they're pretty good.
The rest of the night was spent at Portside where, strangely enough, nothing of any real interest happened. I know, I know, I'm a bit perplexed as I write this, but it's true. I managed to end up with the same bar tab, though, and to steal some ice cream from the hot neighbor.
Saturday, I almost peed my shorts. Literally. We were coming back from Artscape, and I ended up in a full sprint to get to a bar to whizz. Full friggin' sprint. Imagine a man, almost 6' tall, almost 215 lbs, sprinting down a city street in flip flops and shorts while trying to hold his bladder. Got the visual? Ok, it looked even more ridiculous in real life.
Beauty is, I get to Magerk's, and there's someone in the bathroom. So, I'm doing the leg cross thing along with the eyes crossed thing, while trying to look cool. Pretty much impossible. Even the bouncers were getting concerned - when the door opened, they both yelled "It's Open!!" and make shooing gestures at me.
So, to recap, the list for Saturday ... Artscape, Magerk's, Thirsty Dog, Ropewalk, Mother's. I also made enough future plans to cover the next 3 months. I'm really good at that - planning things when I'm drunk. Then, sobriety comes, and I have no interest in doing any of them. I think I'm scheduled to go cow tipping, sing karaoke with monkeys, and watch Beaches next month. Yeesh.
Sunday ... recovery. I did manage to check out an interesting movie - Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. It's the story of Chuck Barris, who was the host of The Gong Show and the creator of The Dating Game and The Newlywed Game. Good stuff - turns out he may or may not (depending on whether you believe him or not) have been an assassin for the CIA while he was producing these shows in Hollywood. Check it if you get a chance, it's a well done flick, and Sam Rockwell is perfect in the lead role.
posted by AxnJxn at 8:45 AM
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