So, I hit the grocery store last night for some goods. Now, when I go to the store, I always get one of those li'l basket thingys that you can carry around and, of course, I always get just enough stuff that it's overflowing by the time I get to the checkout. I have this weird aversion to the cart. There's just no way to look cool while pushing a cart if you're a dude. Sorry, but true. Pushing it from behind is very feminine (that's a joke in and of itself), pulling it from the front doesn't really work. Unless you're at Sam's Club or Costco, because that baby is gonna be full of MEAT. Manly MEAT. So, instead of being logical, I fumble with the basket. I'm just oozing with smartness, eh?
All of these crappy bands are getting together and doing reunion tours and coming on bad TV shows. Why can't they get a good band back together? I mean, you're telling me that friggin' Loverboy can reunite, but The Cars can't? Ridiculous. Even INXS is running some half-assed contest for a lead singer so they can play again. Maybe I should give Paulina Poriwhatshername a call and tell her to let Ric Ocasek play with the boys. I want some Touch and Go, baby. Some Just What I Needed. Is it too much to ask for a little Candy-O? Damn.
Speaking of The Cars, the picture on the cover of the Candy-O album pretty much accelerated me right into puberty. Check it out if you don't know what I mean. I still get a little twitchy when I look at it.
I have a box of stuff that's been left at my house by people over the years ... ok, ok, not people ... women. Coupla scrunchy things for the hair, shirts (how do you leave a shirt? Cripes.), assorted earrings. I haven't the slightest idea what to do with these things. Maybe I'll have a "hook up remnants" party, and just give them away.
Ooh, gotta take a whizz. Hang on a sec ...
Ok, I'm back. What's that? YES, I washed my hands! Thanks for asking.
Was at the gym last night, and only two of the Three Stooges were in attendance. You'd think that with only two, doing a little simple math would tell you that they'd be 33% less intrusive and annoying. Nope. More like about 13%. They were doing this hop up and down thing directly in front of one of the weight racks. We have a big gym, with tons of better places to do the bunny hop, but they decided this was the best location. So, in order to get the weights, you either had to wait for them to stop their little bunny hopping exercise, elbow one of them out of the way, or just do something else. Friggin' Stooges.
Ok, the disappearance of Fiona is really starting to bug me. Where do I turn to get my fill of female angst? Sheryl's new job is to blow up Lance's tires (insert joke here), Fiona has split the scene, Alanis has put me to sleep ... I'm not sure who to listen to when I have my period now. Dido? I have a hard time listening to someone whose name is so close to a female toy.
A'ight, file this under the "Jack is weird" category (I know, I know, it's a big assed file ...). I've always wanted to walk into work with my fly open. Not in some weird perv way, although my goal is to be a dirty old man, but just in a "let's see who notices this" sorta way. I tried to do it on a date once, but I forgot that I had already mentioned the idea to my date, so she just laughed and zipped me up. Someday ...
Just as an aside, do any other guys get nervous when someone else is zipping up your fly? That whole scene in There's Something About Mary has traumatized me for life. Go figure.
If they ever make a Party Mix snack without friggin' pretzels, I'm gonna be in heaven. You got cheese doodles, tortilla chips, nacho chips, and those Frito sorta things, and then they suck up the whole concoction with the pretzel wheels. It's like having an orgy with Fergie, Pam, Jen Connelly, Lauren Holly ... and Roseanne. Roseanne = pretzel wheels. The new math.
All of these crappy bands are getting together and doing reunion tours and coming on bad TV shows. Why can't they get a good band back together? I mean, you're telling me that friggin' Loverboy can reunite, but The Cars can't? Ridiculous. Even INXS is running some half-assed contest for a lead singer so they can play again. Maybe I should give Paulina Poriwhatshername a call and tell her to let Ric Ocasek play with the boys. I want some Touch and Go, baby. Some Just What I Needed. Is it too much to ask for a little Candy-O? Damn.
Speaking of The Cars, the picture on the cover of the Candy-O album pretty much accelerated me right into puberty. Check it out if you don't know what I mean. I still get a little twitchy when I look at it.
I have a box of stuff that's been left at my house by people over the years ... ok, ok, not people ... women. Coupla scrunchy things for the hair, shirts (how do you leave a shirt? Cripes.), assorted earrings. I haven't the slightest idea what to do with these things. Maybe I'll have a "hook up remnants" party, and just give them away.
Ooh, gotta take a whizz. Hang on a sec ...
Ok, I'm back. What's that? YES, I washed my hands! Thanks for asking.
Was at the gym last night, and only two of the Three Stooges were in attendance. You'd think that with only two, doing a little simple math would tell you that they'd be 33% less intrusive and annoying. Nope. More like about 13%. They were doing this hop up and down thing directly in front of one of the weight racks. We have a big gym, with tons of better places to do the bunny hop, but they decided this was the best location. So, in order to get the weights, you either had to wait for them to stop their little bunny hopping exercise, elbow one of them out of the way, or just do something else. Friggin' Stooges.
Ok, the disappearance of Fiona is really starting to bug me. Where do I turn to get my fill of female angst? Sheryl's new job is to blow up Lance's tires (insert joke here), Fiona has split the scene, Alanis has put me to sleep ... I'm not sure who to listen to when I have my period now. Dido? I have a hard time listening to someone whose name is so close to a female toy.
A'ight, file this under the "Jack is weird" category (I know, I know, it's a big assed file ...). I've always wanted to walk into work with my fly open. Not in some weird perv way, although my goal is to be a dirty old man, but just in a "let's see who notices this" sorta way. I tried to do it on a date once, but I forgot that I had already mentioned the idea to my date, so she just laughed and zipped me up. Someday ...
Just as an aside, do any other guys get nervous when someone else is zipping up your fly? That whole scene in There's Something About Mary has traumatized me for life. Go figure.
If they ever make a Party Mix snack without friggin' pretzels, I'm gonna be in heaven. You got cheese doodles, tortilla chips, nacho chips, and those Frito sorta things, and then they suck up the whole concoction with the pretzel wheels. It's like having an orgy with Fergie, Pam, Jen Connelly, Lauren Holly ... and Roseanne. Roseanne = pretzel wheels. The new math.
posted by AxnJxn at 7:37 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home