Here's how f-ed up my head is. I woke up this morning with the following jingle in my head:
Pop in the cassette and sew Sew Perfect!
Mmm, some of you might remember that one. If you don't, it was a commercial back in the day for some chick toy, which was some sorta sewing machine. I'm assuming this, based on the jingle ... I don't think I ever actually saw what they were selling. I mean, are you friggin' kidding me? Next, I'm going to be singing Tampax jingles or something. Cripes.
I can also recite the entire Life commercial with Mikey, and the Calgon commercial with the "ancient Chinese secret" couple. I think I'm actually looking forward to becoming senile and my memory failing me. I might not remember your name, but at least I won't be singing the Slinky song.
By the way, Weebles wobble and they don't fall down ... unless you stomp on them really hard with your foot. Then, not so much wobblin'.
Just out of curiosity, has anyone told Alanis Morissette the difference between coincidental and ironic? Think she's getting tired of that yet?
So, I have this new thing ... I have a tendency to end a lot of exclamations in -O. Example: I was walking down the stairs with laundry, and the cats were in the way. "Scram-O!". Worked like a charm. Some dude cut me off in the car ... "Jerk-O!". Don't ask, because I don't have an explanation. That's just my head.
So, if you remember the Three Stooges from the gym, they were at it again yesterday. This was a beauty. I was walking to the upstairs area, and there's this sorta passageway which has enough room for two people to pass by each other somewhat comfortably. So, I'm passing by a couple of folks, and here come the Stooges! Now, I completely believe in chivalry - holding doors, opening doors, letting a woman walk before you, that sorta stuff. Problem is, in order to be chivalrous in this situation, I would've had to have jumped over the railing to the floor some 20 feet below. Hey, that didn't stop the Stooges! They came barreling right on by, so I had to squeeze myself up against the railing so that they could pass. And if you've seen me, you know that I don't squeeze well. I'm not even sure what that means.
I still haven't figured out which one is Moe, but they sure are some inconsiderate dopes.
Ok, here's the deal. I was watching one of those 80s rewind shows this weekend, and I completely missed the boat on Queen, the Village People, and George Michael being gay. I mean, it was like a decade later that I figured it out. At least. So if, say, Queens of the Stone Age or The Killers or someone like that is gay, could someone please let me know? I mean, I don't care about their lifestyle choice, I just like to know these things for some stupid reason. Thanks in advance.
So, for some reason, every time I go to whizz at work, I keep seeing the same dude in the bathroom. Now, the question is, if I see him out in the hall, should I give him a "Hey, you're the dude from the can!" sorta greeting? You know, complete with a finger point and head nod? Hmm ...
I'm not a big fan of re-posts, but a friend sent me this and since I have a fat cat and this kinda cracked me up (it's funny because it's true!) ...
16. Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener.
15. Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair.
14. Always lands on her spleen.
13. Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches.
12. Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens.
11. No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz.
10. Rosanne fits through your kitty door without the aid of lubricants.
9. Catfood dish replaced with Rush Limbaugh trough.
8. Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester pants suit.
7. It's no longer safe to lift him without a spotter.
6. "Steals breath" from all five quintuplets, simultaneously.
5. Larry King keeps trying to kiss it full on the lips.
4. Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky.
3. He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull.
2. Enormous gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed.
1. Has more chins than lives.
Pop in the cassette and sew Sew Perfect!
Mmm, some of you might remember that one. If you don't, it was a commercial back in the day for some chick toy, which was some sorta sewing machine. I'm assuming this, based on the jingle ... I don't think I ever actually saw what they were selling. I mean, are you friggin' kidding me? Next, I'm going to be singing Tampax jingles or something. Cripes.
I can also recite the entire Life commercial with Mikey, and the Calgon commercial with the "ancient Chinese secret" couple. I think I'm actually looking forward to becoming senile and my memory failing me. I might not remember your name, but at least I won't be singing the Slinky song.
By the way, Weebles wobble and they don't fall down ... unless you stomp on them really hard with your foot. Then, not so much wobblin'.
Just out of curiosity, has anyone told Alanis Morissette the difference between coincidental and ironic? Think she's getting tired of that yet?
So, I have this new thing ... I have a tendency to end a lot of exclamations in -O. Example: I was walking down the stairs with laundry, and the cats were in the way. "Scram-O!". Worked like a charm. Some dude cut me off in the car ... "Jerk-O!". Don't ask, because I don't have an explanation. That's just my head.
So, if you remember the Three Stooges from the gym, they were at it again yesterday. This was a beauty. I was walking to the upstairs area, and there's this sorta passageway which has enough room for two people to pass by each other somewhat comfortably. So, I'm passing by a couple of folks, and here come the Stooges! Now, I completely believe in chivalry - holding doors, opening doors, letting a woman walk before you, that sorta stuff. Problem is, in order to be chivalrous in this situation, I would've had to have jumped over the railing to the floor some 20 feet below. Hey, that didn't stop the Stooges! They came barreling right on by, so I had to squeeze myself up against the railing so that they could pass. And if you've seen me, you know that I don't squeeze well. I'm not even sure what that means.
I still haven't figured out which one is Moe, but they sure are some inconsiderate dopes.
Ok, here's the deal. I was watching one of those 80s rewind shows this weekend, and I completely missed the boat on Queen, the Village People, and George Michael being gay. I mean, it was like a decade later that I figured it out. At least. So if, say, Queens of the Stone Age or The Killers or someone like that is gay, could someone please let me know? I mean, I don't care about their lifestyle choice, I just like to know these things for some stupid reason. Thanks in advance.
So, for some reason, every time I go to whizz at work, I keep seeing the same dude in the bathroom. Now, the question is, if I see him out in the hall, should I give him a "Hey, you're the dude from the can!" sorta greeting? You know, complete with a finger point and head nod? Hmm ...
I'm not a big fan of re-posts, but a friend sent me this and since I have a fat cat and this kinda cracked me up (it's funny because it's true!) ...
16. Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener.
15. Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair.
14. Always lands on her spleen.
13. Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches.
12. Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens.
11. No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz.
10. Rosanne fits through your kitty door without the aid of lubricants.
9. Catfood dish replaced with Rush Limbaugh trough.
8. Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester pants suit.
7. It's no longer safe to lift him without a spotter.
6. "Steals breath" from all five quintuplets, simultaneously.
5. Larry King keeps trying to kiss it full on the lips.
4. Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky.
3. He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull.
2. Enormous gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed.
1. Has more chins than lives.
posted by AxnJxn at 7:14 PM
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