I have some big news. There has been a huge change in my life since my last blog. Things are going to be different now. The grass is greener. The air is clearer. Paris Hilton is dumber. Wait, no, that's not possible. Anyway, here it is ...
I watched the movie Napoleon Dynamite!
Ok, so that's not exactly amazing news, and the movie's not THAT funny (it has a tendency to grow on you, though), but I've heard so many people talk about this movie that it was almost a life's ambition (along with shaking the hand of the dude that invented Pez) to see it.
'Course, now that I've seen it, I catch myself doing lines from it all the time.
When I'm feeding the cats ... "Tina! Come get some ham!"
When I'm annoyed with someone ... "Frickin' idiots!"
When someone asks me any sort of question ... "A frickin' 12 gauge ... what do you think?!"
Yup. I'm an idiot.
More text message fun ... here's a beauty from my friend Janet that was sent this past weekend ...
"I'm at some bar and I've counted 11 mullets so far ... I'm pretty sure this is my version of hell."
Eleven mullets? The only places I know that can showcase that many mullets are a NASCAR race, a party at Billy Ray Cyrus' house, or any Walmart. 'Course, I offered to get her out of hell, but I got a raincheck instead. Friggin' rainchecks!
The funnest thing about text messaging for me is to go back and read what I've sent and received the next day, especially on the weekends. There's some hilarious stuff. Here's a beauty that I sent to a friend at 3:09 am on Saturday:
"Who doesn't love a random text message at a ridiculous hour?"
And, yes, if you're wondering, I'm the person that about two months ago thought text messaging was dumb. I have changed my stance on this, thank you very much.
So, read a review of the Aquabar in the City Paper. If you don't know what the Aquabar is, it's a bar at my gym. Yup, that's right, I go to a "health" club that serves booze. It's just a brilliant idea ... don't even get me started. So, anyway, the City Paper folks didn't like the Aquabar much. I'm not sure if it was the long lines, the people, or the $9 drinks ($9?! What the hell is this, New York City?!). Anyway, they pretty much spelled out everything that I figured the bar was about - guys in striped shirts, overpriced drinks, judgements at the door based on appearance. What fun! I'll stick with my usual haunts.
I saw a couple of ants in my kitchen this morning, hanging around the cat food. So, this means I'm actually going to have to clean the kitchen. Cripes! What's next, taking out the garbage? Doing my own laundry? Cleaning myself? This independent person stuff is for the birds.
Ok, here's a thought. If I'm talking to a hot bartender, and I mention that there are a lot of spiders around the bar, and I don't like spiders, and she says that they don't bother her, I pretty much have no chance, right? I mean, once you do the Nancy-like scared of arachnids thing, and the woman doesn't go along, you've de-masculined yourself too much. I think I'd have to go kill a bear with my bare hands to make up for that one. Plus, this gave me the opportunity to use bear and bare in the same sentence.
"Tina! Come get some ham!" ... couldn't help myself.
I watched the movie Napoleon Dynamite!
Ok, so that's not exactly amazing news, and the movie's not THAT funny (it has a tendency to grow on you, though), but I've heard so many people talk about this movie that it was almost a life's ambition (along with shaking the hand of the dude that invented Pez) to see it.
'Course, now that I've seen it, I catch myself doing lines from it all the time.
When I'm feeding the cats ... "Tina! Come get some ham!"
When I'm annoyed with someone ... "Frickin' idiots!"
When someone asks me any sort of question ... "A frickin' 12 gauge ... what do you think?!"
Yup. I'm an idiot.
More text message fun ... here's a beauty from my friend Janet that was sent this past weekend ...
"I'm at some bar and I've counted 11 mullets so far ... I'm pretty sure this is my version of hell."
Eleven mullets? The only places I know that can showcase that many mullets are a NASCAR race, a party at Billy Ray Cyrus' house, or any Walmart. 'Course, I offered to get her out of hell, but I got a raincheck instead. Friggin' rainchecks!
The funnest thing about text messaging for me is to go back and read what I've sent and received the next day, especially on the weekends. There's some hilarious stuff. Here's a beauty that I sent to a friend at 3:09 am on Saturday:
"Who doesn't love a random text message at a ridiculous hour?"
And, yes, if you're wondering, I'm the person that about two months ago thought text messaging was dumb. I have changed my stance on this, thank you very much.
So, read a review of the Aquabar in the City Paper. If you don't know what the Aquabar is, it's a bar at my gym. Yup, that's right, I go to a "health" club that serves booze. It's just a brilliant idea ... don't even get me started. So, anyway, the City Paper folks didn't like the Aquabar much. I'm not sure if it was the long lines, the people, or the $9 drinks ($9?! What the hell is this, New York City?!). Anyway, they pretty much spelled out everything that I figured the bar was about - guys in striped shirts, overpriced drinks, judgements at the door based on appearance. What fun! I'll stick with my usual haunts.
I saw a couple of ants in my kitchen this morning, hanging around the cat food. So, this means I'm actually going to have to clean the kitchen. Cripes! What's next, taking out the garbage? Doing my own laundry? Cleaning myself? This independent person stuff is for the birds.
Ok, here's a thought. If I'm talking to a hot bartender, and I mention that there are a lot of spiders around the bar, and I don't like spiders, and she says that they don't bother her, I pretty much have no chance, right? I mean, once you do the Nancy-like scared of arachnids thing, and the woman doesn't go along, you've de-masculined yourself too much. I think I'd have to go kill a bear with my bare hands to make up for that one. Plus, this gave me the opportunity to use bear and bare in the same sentence.
"Tina! Come get some ham!" ... couldn't help myself.
posted by AxnJxn at 7:52 AM
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