Crack house door etiquette, Future Porn Stars, "hard blacks"
Current mood: frenetically bored
Cue the Blog Song ...
Let's see ... ok, my "I can't believe I'm the only person that thinks of this stuff" rant for today. Say you're going into an establishment, and someone else is coming out, or vice versa. It can be any joint - a restaurant, place of business, brothel, adult video store, crack house, whatever. Now, if it's sucky weather out, doesn't it make sense to let the person IN from the bad weather first, before you go out? I wish I could patent things like this, because it seems most people can't figure this out.
Along those lines, when the elevator door opens, it's generally a good idea to let me OUT of the elevator before you come rushing in and run right into my chest. Just a thought balloon going out to you, small ol' lady in my building that is evidently in a big hurry.
I woke up early AGAIN today, and felt like hell when I did, for whatever reason. Stupid body clock. So, I spent the first 3 hours of the day foggier than Pam Anderson at a MENSA meeting. Not so good.
Seems that one of my cats (I haven't figured out which one yet) enjoys giving a little serenade at around 3 am every night. I've been woken up a number of times by this ... it's like s/he decides to try out all possible meows to practice up for when they are really necessary. High ones, low ones, raspy ones, trills, the whole gambit. Generally lasts for about 5 minutes. My annoyance lasts for about 30 minutes. Note to cat - it'd be a lot cuter if it was 3 PM.
Had an interesting discussion last night with a neighbor about some of the more crime-ridden neighborhoods in our fair city. I got a new term out of this. Apparently, and I'm not sure if ya'll know this or not, and I hope you're sitting down for this, but there are certain people known as "hard blacks" and "hard Mexicans" out there. I'm not sure how they relate to regular blacks and Mexicans (in my world, these folk are usually referred to as African Americans and Hispanics), but I'm assuming it has something to do with their consistency. I'm figuring it's something like "hard candy".
So, of course, I have ALL KINDS OF QUESTIONS about this. Do they get "hard" if they're put in the fridge for an hour, like Jell-O? If so, you can just solve the crime problem by unplugging everyone's fridge. If they're in the sun long enough, do they turn soft? If so, is it possible to melt them, then mix them together, freeze them, and end up with a "hard Blaxican"? That solves your race integration problems right there. So many questions.
A Home Depot story. I was there last night, and this older lady walked out and set off the alarm. Now, the alarm is supposed to alert people to when someone is stealing stuff, but 99 times out of 100, it just means the clerk screwed up. So, of course, being the introverted quiet boy I am, I immediately yelled "Hey, ma'am, quit stealin' stuff!" Then, I watched as she quickly turned a bright shade of fuchsia (for those of you wondering, yes, I had to look fuchsia up to spell it right). Good comedy, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell if I keep these actions up.
Current mood: frenetically bored
Cue the Blog Song ...
Let's see ... ok, my "I can't believe I'm the only person that thinks of this stuff" rant for today. Say you're going into an establishment, and someone else is coming out, or vice versa. It can be any joint - a restaurant, place of business, brothel, adult video store, crack house, whatever. Now, if it's sucky weather out, doesn't it make sense to let the person IN from the bad weather first, before you go out? I wish I could patent things like this, because it seems most people can't figure this out.
Along those lines, when the elevator door opens, it's generally a good idea to let me OUT of the elevator before you come rushing in and run right into my chest. Just a thought balloon going out to you, small ol' lady in my building that is evidently in a big hurry.
I woke up early AGAIN today, and felt like hell when I did, for whatever reason. Stupid body clock. So, I spent the first 3 hours of the day foggier than Pam Anderson at a MENSA meeting. Not so good.
Seems that one of my cats (I haven't figured out which one yet) enjoys giving a little serenade at around 3 am every night. I've been woken up a number of times by this ... it's like s/he decides to try out all possible meows to practice up for when they are really necessary. High ones, low ones, raspy ones, trills, the whole gambit. Generally lasts for about 5 minutes. My annoyance lasts for about 30 minutes. Note to cat - it'd be a lot cuter if it was 3 PM.
Had an interesting discussion last night with a neighbor about some of the more crime-ridden neighborhoods in our fair city. I got a new term out of this. Apparently, and I'm not sure if ya'll know this or not, and I hope you're sitting down for this, but there are certain people known as "hard blacks" and "hard Mexicans" out there. I'm not sure how they relate to regular blacks and Mexicans (in my world, these folk are usually referred to as African Americans and Hispanics), but I'm assuming it has something to do with their consistency. I'm figuring it's something like "hard candy".
So, of course, I have ALL KINDS OF QUESTIONS about this. Do they get "hard" if they're put in the fridge for an hour, like Jell-O? If so, you can just solve the crime problem by unplugging everyone's fridge. If they're in the sun long enough, do they turn soft? If so, is it possible to melt them, then mix them together, freeze them, and end up with a "hard Blaxican"? That solves your race integration problems right there. So many questions.
A Home Depot story. I was there last night, and this older lady walked out and set off the alarm. Now, the alarm is supposed to alert people to when someone is stealing stuff, but 99 times out of 100, it just means the clerk screwed up. So, of course, being the introverted quiet boy I am, I immediately yelled "Hey, ma'am, quit stealin' stuff!" Then, I watched as she quickly turned a bright shade of fuchsia (for those of you wondering, yes, I had to look fuchsia up to spell it right). Good comedy, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell if I keep these actions up.
posted by AxnJxn at 7:32 AM
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