She's lump! She's lump! She's lump! She's in my head ... and now she's in your head, too. [evil laugh]

Ok, so my favorite conversation from this weekend ... I'm in the bathroom at Waterfront, and a dude I know from the gym walks in, and he's a tad tipsy. Here we go ...

Me: Hey, Brian, what's up?
He: [obviously not recognizing me] Um, hey ... how you doing?
Me: Great! My name's Jack, by the way - I've met you before.
He: Oh, sure, I remember you.
Me: A'ight, well, I'll catch you later.
He: Sure thing, Brian!
Me: Um, that's your name.
He: Oh. Oh yeah. That's my name. Right.

At bars, they have this thing called the Idiot Pile. It's the pile where they put the cards of the dopes that walk out and leave their card on a tab. I'm infamous ... or is it famous? ... for this. Hey, I have my reasons:

- taking women to the hospital (that actually happened once)
- chasing someone to another bar then forgetting to go back
- passing out
- involved in practicing kissing skills somewhere
- too drunk to sign my own name

So, I go to Portside on Saturday and ask Bo if he has my card from the night before. He comes over, and drops 2 on the bar. Cripes. Maybe they should just rename that the Jack Pile.

The weekend was fabulous. Friday, started at Cross Street for a bit of a birthday thing for the HN, then went to No Idea in FH. It's appropriately named, because other than a toasty hot bartender named Charlotte, I have no idea why I go there. It's quite likely that I'll get punched by Cherie for that, but she doesn't read these things anymore anyway, so HA!

The rest of the night was an exercise in why I go out alone, but we'll just leave it at that. Silly girls! Even when I agree to go out in Fed Hill, people still take me back to Canton. Hmm ... maybe that's a sign!

Saturday, started at Red Star to meet up with L&J for a drink, and I ran into a group of hotties. Hmm ... maybe that's a gaggle. A pride? One of them didn't know the cardinal rule - never give Jack your camera! Otherwise, you end up with pictures of someone's boot and the floor. I'm quite the photog, especially when buzzy, lemme tell ya.

Hit Waterfront after that, which was great, mainly because my friends from Federal Hill and Canton were there. That's right, they both showed up. Heh. Only issue was getting a drink, but I'm much too smart for that. I started ordering 2 at a time. Yes, I am a genius, thank you for noticing.

Ended up at Sabatino's at 3 am. How I got there is pretty much anyone's guess. Cab? Bus? Teleport?

Here's a fun game. It's called good idea that's actually a bad idea. Let's play!

Good idea: Save the best for last on a plate of food
Bad idea: Um, I'm usually full by the time I get to it. Brilliant!

Good idea: Only drink on Friday and Saturday nights.
Bad idea: I end up drinking enough for the entire week. Double brilliant!

Good idea: No eating in the bathroom.
Bad idea: Hmm ... well, actually, that's a good idea. The bathroom is the scene of some horrible events ... well, unless you're in the shower with someone ... or in the shower alone ... never mind.

So, I sorta lost a friend, and I'm a bit bummed. Her name's Sandra, she used to be on Myspace, she's this hecka hot redhead, and she just disappeared one day. Unfortunately, I lost her number in the text messaging in Hurricane Rita fiasco, so I can't contact her. So, if she's readin' ... hope you, the boys, and Jojo are a'ight! And just for you ... Stiddleficks!