Ugh. It's been a long week of dumbness. Let's go through this week's list of dumb people. Actually, I think most of these happened in one day.
- I'm at lunch, and I'm sitting at a table which has 10 chairs. I'm at the very end. Some chick comes over and sits down right next to me. Eight other friggin' choices. No buffer seat, no nuttin' ... we're rubbin' elbows as I work on my glazed carrots.
What's that? Yes, I eat glazed carrots. No, I'm not 68 years old! I think I'm calling blog security! Um, you do realize that you're interrupting the blog? Ok then.
Now, it's quite possible that she was astonished by my beauty and felt she had to get close ... but she didn't say a word the entire time. She also reminded me of a muppet, which was a little disturbing. I haven't figured out which one yet, either. Beaker? Gonzo? Other than Miss Piggy, were there any female muppets? These are the things that keep me awake at night.
As if that's not enough, three other clowns come over, and sit down right across from me. Note to self ... demagnetize self before going out in public.
- Also in the cafeteria ... hey, what can I say, the cafe's full of idiots! Dude is on one of those cell phones in the ear things, and he's yappin' and pacin' back and forth, right in front of easily the most crowded and busy part of the cafeteria. Sheer brilliance. I kept waiting for someone to accidently run into him and smoosh their glazed carrots all over his shirt. If only I was runnin' things!
- I'm not even going to get into the dumbness at the gym. Let's just say there was more talkin' while sitting ON machines. I love that.
Quick aside. I didn't think it was possible for my gym to try to get more money out of me. I mean, forget the silly monthly rate - it's seriously like walking into a mall. I walk in, there's generally some schlub there standing at a table hawking insurance or mountain bikes or cigarettes or whatever. However, I found out today that it's $10 for a new swipe card. The one I have is my original - it's over 3 years old. Hey, thanks for being a member for so long! That'll be $10!
The beauty? Found out from Marc that I don't need it to get in. Suckers!
- And, our final idiot of the week ... and I'm sure not the last! ... I'm in class last night, it starts, the professor is trying to talk and some yahoo is on her cell phone. He kinda gives her a rolling eyes look, and she finally hangs up.
It gets better!
Her phone rings again, and she gets all huffy and puffy and answers it, then runs outside ... and starts yammering right outside the classroom door. So, no one can really hear the professor due to YammerDope outside. The prof is pretty comical in general, and he just stops and shakes his head. Someone closes the door.
It gets better!
She comes back in all puffy and gruffy, and sits down. You guessed it ... phone rings again! She actually stops the prof in mid sentence, and asks if she can speak to him outside. It would've been hilarious if it wasn't so ... so ... um, words completely escape me here. It turns out, her alarm was going off at her house, and the alarm company was calling her, so she decided to disturb everyone else in the class and the professor at the same time. I thought about asking her if it was her alarm clock, and maybe they could just hit snooze, but things seemed a tad tense.
Can't wait 'til grades are posted. Heh.
Check this out ... so, I'm rooting through my "Hello? Isn't That Obvious?" folder the other day (which is really more of an entire file cabinet), and I found this baby:
Dudes and dudettes ... if someone you might be interested in dating calls you and leaves a message, and it takes you a couple of days to call back, using the excuse that you "completely forgot" to call them back is a really, really bad idea. I know I'm crazy, but that doesn't send a very good signal, knowwhatimean? Yeah.
I'm trying to recap Saturday, but I don't remember much. Yes, I should have written this down on Sunday, but I didn't remember much then, either. I DO remember that I got some JV rum at someone's house, which put me into a tizzy both that night and the next day. I know it wasn't Captain Morgan ... I'm guessing it was Corporal Morgan or Private Morgan at best. Oof. Very bad rum makes a Very Bad Jack.
One of the tougher things about sleeping in a strange house is trying to find the bathroom in the night. Especially if you're really, really drunk. I can almost understand why there are so many stories of people whizzing in closets. I managed to make it to the bathroom in the dead of night on Saturday ... barely ... but it did get me to thinking about how that next morning conversation must go if you've used the closet instead.
Closet Violator: G'morning!
Closet Wetted: Uh whatever.
CV: What's the problem? Did I snore?
CW: Umm, the problem is you hosed down my closet last night with your urine.
CV: Hmm.
[pause]
CV: Wanna get some breakfast?
CW: Get out.
Heh. I even heard a story of a dude whizzing into someone else's suitcase when they were on vacation. Classic! Imagine that going through Customs.
Big Ol' Butt by LL Cool J. Just sayin' it's good at the gym. The new Bob Dylan CD is quite fine, too, but I wouldn't recommend it for the gym. Now run with that information!
- I'm at lunch, and I'm sitting at a table which has 10 chairs. I'm at the very end. Some chick comes over and sits down right next to me. Eight other friggin' choices. No buffer seat, no nuttin' ... we're rubbin' elbows as I work on my glazed carrots.
What's that? Yes, I eat glazed carrots. No, I'm not 68 years old! I think I'm calling blog security! Um, you do realize that you're interrupting the blog? Ok then.
Now, it's quite possible that she was astonished by my beauty and felt she had to get close ... but she didn't say a word the entire time. She also reminded me of a muppet, which was a little disturbing. I haven't figured out which one yet, either. Beaker? Gonzo? Other than Miss Piggy, were there any female muppets? These are the things that keep me awake at night.
As if that's not enough, three other clowns come over, and sit down right across from me. Note to self ... demagnetize self before going out in public.
- Also in the cafeteria ... hey, what can I say, the cafe's full of idiots! Dude is on one of those cell phones in the ear things, and he's yappin' and pacin' back and forth, right in front of easily the most crowded and busy part of the cafeteria. Sheer brilliance. I kept waiting for someone to accidently run into him and smoosh their glazed carrots all over his shirt. If only I was runnin' things!
- I'm not even going to get into the dumbness at the gym. Let's just say there was more talkin' while sitting ON machines. I love that.
Quick aside. I didn't think it was possible for my gym to try to get more money out of me. I mean, forget the silly monthly rate - it's seriously like walking into a mall. I walk in, there's generally some schlub there standing at a table hawking insurance or mountain bikes or cigarettes or whatever. However, I found out today that it's $10 for a new swipe card. The one I have is my original - it's over 3 years old. Hey, thanks for being a member for so long! That'll be $10!
The beauty? Found out from Marc that I don't need it to get in. Suckers!
- And, our final idiot of the week ... and I'm sure not the last! ... I'm in class last night, it starts, the professor is trying to talk and some yahoo is on her cell phone. He kinda gives her a rolling eyes look, and she finally hangs up.
It gets better!
Her phone rings again, and she gets all huffy and puffy and answers it, then runs outside ... and starts yammering right outside the classroom door. So, no one can really hear the professor due to YammerDope outside. The prof is pretty comical in general, and he just stops and shakes his head. Someone closes the door.
It gets better!
She comes back in all puffy and gruffy, and sits down. You guessed it ... phone rings again! She actually stops the prof in mid sentence, and asks if she can speak to him outside. It would've been hilarious if it wasn't so ... so ... um, words completely escape me here. It turns out, her alarm was going off at her house, and the alarm company was calling her, so she decided to disturb everyone else in the class and the professor at the same time. I thought about asking her if it was her alarm clock, and maybe they could just hit snooze, but things seemed a tad tense.
Can't wait 'til grades are posted. Heh.
Check this out ... so, I'm rooting through my "Hello? Isn't That Obvious?" folder the other day (which is really more of an entire file cabinet), and I found this baby:
Dudes and dudettes ... if someone you might be interested in dating calls you and leaves a message, and it takes you a couple of days to call back, using the excuse that you "completely forgot" to call them back is a really, really bad idea. I know I'm crazy, but that doesn't send a very good signal, knowwhatimean? Yeah.
I'm trying to recap Saturday, but I don't remember much. Yes, I should have written this down on Sunday, but I didn't remember much then, either. I DO remember that I got some JV rum at someone's house, which put me into a tizzy both that night and the next day. I know it wasn't Captain Morgan ... I'm guessing it was Corporal Morgan or Private Morgan at best. Oof. Very bad rum makes a Very Bad Jack.
One of the tougher things about sleeping in a strange house is trying to find the bathroom in the night. Especially if you're really, really drunk. I can almost understand why there are so many stories of people whizzing in closets. I managed to make it to the bathroom in the dead of night on Saturday ... barely ... but it did get me to thinking about how that next morning conversation must go if you've used the closet instead.
Closet Violator: G'morning!
Closet Wetted: Uh whatever.
CV: What's the problem? Did I snore?
CW: Umm, the problem is you hosed down my closet last night with your urine.
CV: Hmm.
[pause]
CV: Wanna get some breakfast?
CW: Get out.
Heh. I even heard a story of a dude whizzing into someone else's suitcase when they were on vacation. Classic! Imagine that going through Customs.
Big Ol' Butt by LL Cool J. Just sayin' it's good at the gym. The new Bob Dylan CD is quite fine, too, but I wouldn't recommend it for the gym. Now run with that information!
posted by AxnJxn at 10:36 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home