Yes, yes, yes, I'm late. I'm well aware of that. It's been kind of a kooky week, complete with a bad and confusing Accounting class and weird dreams which have screwed up my sleep. Quit yellin' at me - let's just get to it.
Friday ... went to a wedding. I've never been a big fan of weddings. I wear a tie every day to work, so I like to chill on the weekends and scrub down. I just made that term up, thank you. So, we hop on a bus from downtown and head out to BFE for the wedding ... actually, I think the wedding was about 15 miles further than BFE. BFE + 15 should be the town name. Welcome to BFE + 15 ... good luck finding your way back to the real world! On the bus, I spy a purty young thing who appears to have a date ... I mentally cross that one off the list. However, the power of alcohol and all that nonsense takes hold later!
I corner the best man, Vin, and ask him about her. He notes that she's availabe, and the dude's just a friend. Score! As a bonus, he offers to see if she's interested. He returns a few minutes later with a big grin, and relates this convo he had with her:
Vin: Hey, there's someone I'd like you to meet.
Esther: Um, I'm not really up for meeting anyone tonight.
Vin: Well, he's really nice. He's over there (points to me).
Esther: Hmm ... (smiles) ... have him come see me before the end of the night.
Ok, first of all, I realize she has the name of someone's 80 year old aunt, but she's also hecka hot, so I'm fired up. Unfortunately, "friend boy" doesn't leave her side ... the ... entire ... night. Doesn't go to the bathroom, doesn't go to the bar, nuttin'. Apparently, he was either born with a bladder the size of his Ohio or he's unable to whizz. Even on the bus ride back, he's right next to her. As a bonus, on the bus ride back two women ask what there is to do in Baltimore, and I'm so focused on how to meet Esther, I blow them off. See why I don't like weddings?
Made up for it on Saturday, though. Portside's back for sure. In fact, it might be a little TOO back. Even I thought it was a bit crowded. The key to that? Offer to escort someone home and get the hey outta there! Works like a charm.
The funniest part of Saturday ... I see my buddy Mark at Portside, and he's a tad drunk. Ok, ok, he's a bit further along than that. Mark's not exactly small - he's 6'5" - and he's standing in the middle of Portside unable to speak. Just standing there, like an oak tree in the middle of a parsley field. Now, what would any good friend do to someone who is in this state? That's right, I bought him a drink. Who needs the ability to talk?!
Now, most of ya'll know the rules. Sunday's the Sabbath, which means it's recovery day. Only problem is, it's football season, people. On top of that, Mark calls to tell me that a woman I met at Dewey is in town, and she has some friends with her, and they're out and about. I'm in the shower in about 3.4 seconds.
As background, this woman is the one I met when I couldn't speak English at all ... you know, after the tray of Jell-O shots? We meet up with them at Magerk's and a situation slowly develops. I'm going to attempt to explain this situation algebra style, or in some sort of logical form here. This might be interesting, or it might be a total disaster. Here goes.
Jack has never been formally introduced to Woman A, but he's heard good things from friends, and is quite interested
Jack also likes Woman B, who is friends with Woman A
There's a rumor going around that Jack is infatuated with Woman A
Woman B claims she's seen an email confirming this rumor ... which is fascinating news, since Jack doesn't have anyone's email address involved
Jack is confused (it's a constant state) and sober (not that constant on the weekends)
Woman A is either playing hard to get (possible) or isn't interested in Jack (impossible ... ;-) )
Cleary, this situation requires a really stupid, idiotic move on someone's part ... and I'm just the man for the job! That's right ... I'm attempted the nearly impossible switch from Woman A to Woman B ... complete with double tuck backflip, walking handstand and an escape from a series of chains and handcuffs!
Quite the interesting few hours it was attempting this switch. At one point, it was looking like a crash and burn with both. I even had a drink to drown my sorrows. Well, actually, I had a drink because someone put it in my hands ... I'm weak like that. You can pretty much put anything in my hands and I'll do something with it ... except Scrapple and Roseanne. Keep that nonsense to yourself.
After what seems like hours of discussion and flirting and discussion and signals and discussion and wild, flailing gestures (there was football on, doncha know), I managed to get Woman B's phone number and ask her out.
What's the result of all this, you ask? Hours of hard work, drinking, and dumbness? Woman B hasn't returned my phone call yet. Classic! Sometimes I wish these things really were works of fiction. Oy.
Check this out. So, I work in a hospital, right? The first thing that comes to mind when you think of a hospital is health, right? Ok, maybe not ... I'm sure malpractice is up there somewhere, and maybe bird flu, and if you're like me, nurses, but work with me. So, we have this Employee Recognition lunch thingy, and here's the menu:
Swedish meatballs
Chicken wings
Bacon wrapped scallops
Egg rolls
Cheese and crackers
Yeah. I think my heart stopped and arteries clogged just writing that. 'Course, I just made myself hungry, too. It appears with this menu that they're trying to drum up some business the direct way.
In my class last night, the Prof is giving examples and used names of not one, not two, but three of my exes. I was waiting for him to come hit me in the head with a mallet and kick me in the groin, but I guess he decided to take it easy on me. Double oy.
Friday ... went to a wedding. I've never been a big fan of weddings. I wear a tie every day to work, so I like to chill on the weekends and scrub down. I just made that term up, thank you. So, we hop on a bus from downtown and head out to BFE for the wedding ... actually, I think the wedding was about 15 miles further than BFE. BFE + 15 should be the town name. Welcome to BFE + 15 ... good luck finding your way back to the real world! On the bus, I spy a purty young thing who appears to have a date ... I mentally cross that one off the list. However, the power of alcohol and all that nonsense takes hold later!
I corner the best man, Vin, and ask him about her. He notes that she's availabe, and the dude's just a friend. Score! As a bonus, he offers to see if she's interested. He returns a few minutes later with a big grin, and relates this convo he had with her:
Vin: Hey, there's someone I'd like you to meet.
Esther: Um, I'm not really up for meeting anyone tonight.
Vin: Well, he's really nice. He's over there (points to me).
Esther: Hmm ... (smiles) ... have him come see me before the end of the night.
Ok, first of all, I realize she has the name of someone's 80 year old aunt, but she's also hecka hot, so I'm fired up. Unfortunately, "friend boy" doesn't leave her side ... the ... entire ... night. Doesn't go to the bathroom, doesn't go to the bar, nuttin'. Apparently, he was either born with a bladder the size of his Ohio or he's unable to whizz. Even on the bus ride back, he's right next to her. As a bonus, on the bus ride back two women ask what there is to do in Baltimore, and I'm so focused on how to meet Esther, I blow them off. See why I don't like weddings?
Made up for it on Saturday, though. Portside's back for sure. In fact, it might be a little TOO back. Even I thought it was a bit crowded. The key to that? Offer to escort someone home and get the hey outta there! Works like a charm.
The funniest part of Saturday ... I see my buddy Mark at Portside, and he's a tad drunk. Ok, ok, he's a bit further along than that. Mark's not exactly small - he's 6'5" - and he's standing in the middle of Portside unable to speak. Just standing there, like an oak tree in the middle of a parsley field. Now, what would any good friend do to someone who is in this state? That's right, I bought him a drink. Who needs the ability to talk?!
Now, most of ya'll know the rules. Sunday's the Sabbath, which means it's recovery day. Only problem is, it's football season, people. On top of that, Mark calls to tell me that a woman I met at Dewey is in town, and she has some friends with her, and they're out and about. I'm in the shower in about 3.4 seconds.
As background, this woman is the one I met when I couldn't speak English at all ... you know, after the tray of Jell-O shots? We meet up with them at Magerk's and a situation slowly develops. I'm going to attempt to explain this situation algebra style, or in some sort of logical form here. This might be interesting, or it might be a total disaster. Here goes.
Jack has never been formally introduced to Woman A, but he's heard good things from friends, and is quite interested
Jack also likes Woman B, who is friends with Woman A
There's a rumor going around that Jack is infatuated with Woman A
Woman B claims she's seen an email confirming this rumor ... which is fascinating news, since Jack doesn't have anyone's email address involved
Jack is confused (it's a constant state) and sober (not that constant on the weekends)
Woman A is either playing hard to get (possible) or isn't interested in Jack (impossible ... ;-) )
Cleary, this situation requires a really stupid, idiotic move on someone's part ... and I'm just the man for the job! That's right ... I'm attempted the nearly impossible switch from Woman A to Woman B ... complete with double tuck backflip, walking handstand and an escape from a series of chains and handcuffs!
Quite the interesting few hours it was attempting this switch. At one point, it was looking like a crash and burn with both. I even had a drink to drown my sorrows. Well, actually, I had a drink because someone put it in my hands ... I'm weak like that. You can pretty much put anything in my hands and I'll do something with it ... except Scrapple and Roseanne. Keep that nonsense to yourself.
After what seems like hours of discussion and flirting and discussion and signals and discussion and wild, flailing gestures (there was football on, doncha know), I managed to get Woman B's phone number and ask her out.
What's the result of all this, you ask? Hours of hard work, drinking, and dumbness? Woman B hasn't returned my phone call yet. Classic! Sometimes I wish these things really were works of fiction. Oy.
Check this out. So, I work in a hospital, right? The first thing that comes to mind when you think of a hospital is health, right? Ok, maybe not ... I'm sure malpractice is up there somewhere, and maybe bird flu, and if you're like me, nurses, but work with me. So, we have this Employee Recognition lunch thingy, and here's the menu:
Swedish meatballs
Chicken wings
Bacon wrapped scallops
Egg rolls
Cheese and crackers
Yeah. I think my heart stopped and arteries clogged just writing that. 'Course, I just made myself hungry, too. It appears with this menu that they're trying to drum up some business the direct way.
In my class last night, the Prof is giving examples and used names of not one, not two, but three of my exes. I was waiting for him to come hit me in the head with a mallet and kick me in the groin, but I guess he decided to take it easy on me. Double oy.
posted by AxnJxn at 12:07 PM
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