So, I've been home all week with that stupid sinus infection nonsense again. Here's my question. I'm watching The Price Is Right ... for the models, of course ... and some lady does the ol' bid $1 more than the person next to her trick. It's only a matter of time before someone gets punched for that, right? I mean, if looks could kill, that lady woulda been casketed in a matter of seconds.
Yeah, that's right, I'm home. Why? Because I decided to go on walkabout in Federal Hill Friday night in the freezing cold rain. Brilliant! Here's Friday's list:
Bedrock, Federal Hill Lounge, Grumpie's (twice), Crazy Lil's, Mother's, Magerk's, Thirsty Dog and Sisson's. I finished up the night by eating an entire gyros platter from Maria D's. Ugh. Needless to say, I ran to the gym Saturday morning to do a spin class and burn the mega calories. I think I finished the entire platter thingy on the cab ride home. Oofa. There are few things better than burping up cucumber sauce on the bike, too. Yummy!
So, as if that wasn't bad enough for the health, I topped it off by working the dog festival on Saturday. 'Twas an interesting enough time, but it was Blustery City. Eesh. Got home from that, showered up, knocked down a drink and progressively started feeling worse and worse. I spent the rest of the night on the couch, wondering who was at Portside. Gah!
I mean, are you kidding me? Not only did I miss a night when women have an excuse to dress like hookers, vampires, vixens and nurses in skimpy clothes, I also missed the one night of the year when I get an extra hour of fun! If I was a small girl, I would've started crying. Ah, who am I kidding ... I bawled my eyes out. Heh. Ok, maybe that was because there was a touching scene in one of the movies on the Playboy Channel.
Oh, and as a final topper to a rough weekend, I'm riding my bike home from the Dog Event. I've got a couple of bags of groceries from Safeway, and my bookbag, so I'm pretty loaded down. I get to this corner, the wind gusts, I try to swerve a bit and I completely and totally wipe out. I actually laid in the middle of Ellwood Street on my back for a good 30 seconds laughing, then I realized I was laying in the middle of the street. Too bad there wasn't video of that one, cuz it was classic. I did manage to do it right in front of Tutti Gusti, so if anyone was there around 5:30 on Saturday, you got a good show.
There was a brilliant idea concocted by a young nurse and I Friday night at Bedrock. This is sheer genius. Well, if you've been reading my blogs, you'll know that my ideas are a whole lot more idiotic than genius, but whatever.
It's called ... well, ok, I have no idea what to name this company, but it's basically nurses that go to houses and set up IVs for people with hangovers. You can have options, too. If you want them to show up with Gatorade and McDonald's, that can be worked into the visit. Yes, yes, back to the drawing board and all that noise.
Ok, so from the previous blog ... the dudes in my head with the itinerary. I'd imagine there's this entire staff of little people in my head, and here's what they do every morning:
Ok, everyone ... gather round and pipe down. It's time to plan the days events. Here's our tentative schedule:
6:00 ... activate the urge to whizz mechanism ... yes, I realize this is a full 90 minutes before we wake up our human vehicle, but it's good for some quality humor as we watch him try to hold it for 90 whole minutes
6:22 ... laugh hysterically as human vehicle gives up, goes to whizz, then returns to slumbering
6:59 ... plant Abba "Fernando" repetitive loop into ear canal
7:00 ... alarm sounds, activate Operation Fernando ... please note, this will run for 3 full days before it will be replaced by "Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats
8:00 ... active "Forget" mechanism just before departing the house ... this will cause the human vehicle to have to return to the house 10 minutes later to grab his IDs ...
8:30 ... work time ... active "Throw In Random Dumb Mistake" mechanism to run through the end of the work day ... as a bonus, you can also active "Forget Manager's Names" at odd intervals
6:00 ... now, the human vehicle has been trying to stuff Macroeconomics definitions into the Memory Chasm in preparation for a midterm. We must resist this effort! Here is a list of the memories that must be preserved in this endeavor:
- his high school girlfriend's phone number
- George Fosters home run and RBI totals in 1976
- the lyrics to the song "Fishheads"
- the plot of every Brady Bunch episode
Also, on weekends, be sure to active the "Forget Everything You Talked About With a Hottie" mechanism at precisely 11:00 pm.
That is all. And hey! Let's be careful out there.
So, this was pretty comical. I'm feeding the feral furs out back, and they both go to dive into the food bowl, bump heads, hiss at each other, then start chowing down. Ah, young love.
Yeah, that's right, I'm home. Why? Because I decided to go on walkabout in Federal Hill Friday night in the freezing cold rain. Brilliant! Here's Friday's list:
Bedrock, Federal Hill Lounge, Grumpie's (twice), Crazy Lil's, Mother's, Magerk's, Thirsty Dog and Sisson's. I finished up the night by eating an entire gyros platter from Maria D's. Ugh. Needless to say, I ran to the gym Saturday morning to do a spin class and burn the mega calories. I think I finished the entire platter thingy on the cab ride home. Oofa. There are few things better than burping up cucumber sauce on the bike, too. Yummy!
So, as if that wasn't bad enough for the health, I topped it off by working the dog festival on Saturday. 'Twas an interesting enough time, but it was Blustery City. Eesh. Got home from that, showered up, knocked down a drink and progressively started feeling worse and worse. I spent the rest of the night on the couch, wondering who was at Portside. Gah!
I mean, are you kidding me? Not only did I miss a night when women have an excuse to dress like hookers, vampires, vixens and nurses in skimpy clothes, I also missed the one night of the year when I get an extra hour of fun! If I was a small girl, I would've started crying. Ah, who am I kidding ... I bawled my eyes out. Heh. Ok, maybe that was because there was a touching scene in one of the movies on the Playboy Channel.
Oh, and as a final topper to a rough weekend, I'm riding my bike home from the Dog Event. I've got a couple of bags of groceries from Safeway, and my bookbag, so I'm pretty loaded down. I get to this corner, the wind gusts, I try to swerve a bit and I completely and totally wipe out. I actually laid in the middle of Ellwood Street on my back for a good 30 seconds laughing, then I realized I was laying in the middle of the street. Too bad there wasn't video of that one, cuz it was classic. I did manage to do it right in front of Tutti Gusti, so if anyone was there around 5:30 on Saturday, you got a good show.
There was a brilliant idea concocted by a young nurse and I Friday night at Bedrock. This is sheer genius. Well, if you've been reading my blogs, you'll know that my ideas are a whole lot more idiotic than genius, but whatever.
It's called ... well, ok, I have no idea what to name this company, but it's basically nurses that go to houses and set up IVs for people with hangovers. You can have options, too. If you want them to show up with Gatorade and McDonald's, that can be worked into the visit. Yes, yes, back to the drawing board and all that noise.
Ok, so from the previous blog ... the dudes in my head with the itinerary. I'd imagine there's this entire staff of little people in my head, and here's what they do every morning:
Ok, everyone ... gather round and pipe down. It's time to plan the days events. Here's our tentative schedule:
6:00 ... activate the urge to whizz mechanism ... yes, I realize this is a full 90 minutes before we wake up our human vehicle, but it's good for some quality humor as we watch him try to hold it for 90 whole minutes
6:22 ... laugh hysterically as human vehicle gives up, goes to whizz, then returns to slumbering
6:59 ... plant Abba "Fernando" repetitive loop into ear canal
7:00 ... alarm sounds, activate Operation Fernando ... please note, this will run for 3 full days before it will be replaced by "Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats
8:00 ... active "Forget" mechanism just before departing the house ... this will cause the human vehicle to have to return to the house 10 minutes later to grab his IDs ...
8:30 ... work time ... active "Throw In Random Dumb Mistake" mechanism to run through the end of the work day ... as a bonus, you can also active "Forget Manager's Names" at odd intervals
6:00 ... now, the human vehicle has been trying to stuff Macroeconomics definitions into the Memory Chasm in preparation for a midterm. We must resist this effort! Here is a list of the memories that must be preserved in this endeavor:
- his high school girlfriend's phone number
- George Fosters home run and RBI totals in 1976
- the lyrics to the song "Fishheads"
- the plot of every Brady Bunch episode
Also, on weekends, be sure to active the "Forget Everything You Talked About With a Hottie" mechanism at precisely 11:00 pm.
That is all. And hey! Let's be careful out there.
So, this was pretty comical. I'm feeding the feral furs out back, and they both go to dive into the food bowl, bump heads, hiss at each other, then start chowing down. Ah, young love.
posted by AxnJxn at 9:42 AM
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