Wanna know what is amazing to me? Well, there are a number of things - people that can do that whistle thing with their fingers, Charo's accent, three legged dogs that can still take a whiz - but this one is at the top of the list ...
Someone actually sat down one day and wrote these lyrics:
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps.
I mean, there's brilliance, like inventing the airplane or chocolate milk, and then there's writing that tune. Wow.
Looks like it's slogan time again. I saw a bulletin where the folks of Baltimore are looking for a new one. 'Course, I have some.
Baltimore ...
... that ain't crack, it's powdered sugar. Wait, it is crack.
... allowing you to pee in alleys without getting arrested for years.
... if you lived here, you'd be hiding in your home by now.
... One million people, ten million teeth!
... now with extra hookers!
... where syphilis is a sport.
... don't worry, you'll never be bothered by paparazzi, cuz no famous folk come here.
... the world's only predominantly black white trash city.
... um, we're a little short on garbage cans - just use the street.
... that smell isn't us - we're downwind from New Jersey.
So, I got all kinds of information on Captain Crunch from one of my co-workers. Let's just say that the people at the Captain Crunch company have WAY too much time on their hands. 'Course, they could be writing dumb blogs ... hmm. Turns out that there's this place called Crunch Island, where they harvest stuff like Crunchberries. Personally, I think it's made up. Crunch Island? Whatevah.
They also have a pic of the Crunchberry Beast (also known as C.B.). Sadly, I even remember this beast. Basically, if you took the muppet Beaker, gave him a pound of weed and some snacks to fatten him up, and then gave him the chicken pox and an even worse haircut (like that's possible), you'd have the C.B. Yeah, that's my second reference to Beaker in a month. I'm quite proud.
The also had a pic of the Peanut Butter Elephant but ... eh, who cares ... peanut butter cereal totally sucks peanut dust.
Survivor was awesome tonight. Just sayin'. Oh, and Danni's hot. Just sayin'.
So, I happened to put on one of my crummier shirts for the gym tonight. Unfortunately, no one gave me the memo that it was Hot Chick Night at the gym. DAG! Seems the HCs have had a meeting, and they've decided to only go to the gym one night a week. Problem is, they won't release the schedule to the general public, meaning me. The rest of the nights, it's Jarhead City. I might have to pay someone for that schedule.
It's official. My love for Pez is rotting my teeth. I went to the dentist today, and I have a cavity. A cavity! I haven't had a cavity in a good 30+ years. I brush at least three times a day, use floss more than the cast of Baywatch, and yet I've got a cavity.
I'm thinking the Crunchberry Beast is behind all of this. There's probably some sinister group of cereal people out to mess with my teeth. I can see them sitting around a conference room table now - Count Chocola, Trix the Rabbit, Tony the Tiger, the Cocoa Puffs idiot bird, Snap, Crackle, and Pop, maybe even King Vitamin. Bastids.
Speaking of cereal, a couple of quick reviews:
Cookie Crisp ... I remember being in complete shock that I was being allowed to eat cookies and milk ... for breakfast! What genius thought of this?
Fruity/Cocoa Pebbles ... pour a bowl, then pray you don't get distracted for more than 2 seconds, or it's soggy city. The after-milk was fantastic, though.
Honeycomb ... Too friggin' big! I could only fit one on a spoon. Who wants to eat cereal one comb at a time? Jeez.
The Crunch family ... yeah, I could make the requisite rip the roof of your mouth jokes, but I ain't going there. Hmm. Actually, I'm not creative enough to think of anything else, so it rips up the roof of your mouth. Next!
Trix ... so they totally f-ed up Trix recently, and it's pretty much useless. I mean, I have no idea how you can screw up colored balls of sugar, but they did. Well done, marketing idiots. To top that brilliant move off, they'll probably have a commercial where the rabbit gets hit by a bus.
The Monster family ... you know, Count Chocola, Frankenberry, that nonsense ... never liked them. Whoever tricked kids into thinking those colored styrofoam peanuts they put in those cereals were marshmallows ... well, you didn't get me, sucka! Same goes for Lucky Charms.
Alpha Bits ... let's spell cuss words!
Someone actually sat down one day and wrote these lyrics:
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps.
I mean, there's brilliance, like inventing the airplane or chocolate milk, and then there's writing that tune. Wow.
Looks like it's slogan time again. I saw a bulletin where the folks of Baltimore are looking for a new one. 'Course, I have some.
Baltimore ...
... that ain't crack, it's powdered sugar. Wait, it is crack.
... allowing you to pee in alleys without getting arrested for years.
... if you lived here, you'd be hiding in your home by now.
... One million people, ten million teeth!
... now with extra hookers!
... where syphilis is a sport.
... don't worry, you'll never be bothered by paparazzi, cuz no famous folk come here.
... the world's only predominantly black white trash city.
... um, we're a little short on garbage cans - just use the street.
... that smell isn't us - we're downwind from New Jersey.
So, I got all kinds of information on Captain Crunch from one of my co-workers. Let's just say that the people at the Captain Crunch company have WAY too much time on their hands. 'Course, they could be writing dumb blogs ... hmm. Turns out that there's this place called Crunch Island, where they harvest stuff like Crunchberries. Personally, I think it's made up. Crunch Island? Whatevah.
They also have a pic of the Crunchberry Beast (also known as C.B.). Sadly, I even remember this beast. Basically, if you took the muppet Beaker, gave him a pound of weed and some snacks to fatten him up, and then gave him the chicken pox and an even worse haircut (like that's possible), you'd have the C.B. Yeah, that's my second reference to Beaker in a month. I'm quite proud.
The also had a pic of the Peanut Butter Elephant but ... eh, who cares ... peanut butter cereal totally sucks peanut dust.
Survivor was awesome tonight. Just sayin'. Oh, and Danni's hot. Just sayin'.
So, I happened to put on one of my crummier shirts for the gym tonight. Unfortunately, no one gave me the memo that it was Hot Chick Night at the gym. DAG! Seems the HCs have had a meeting, and they've decided to only go to the gym one night a week. Problem is, they won't release the schedule to the general public, meaning me. The rest of the nights, it's Jarhead City. I might have to pay someone for that schedule.
It's official. My love for Pez is rotting my teeth. I went to the dentist today, and I have a cavity. A cavity! I haven't had a cavity in a good 30+ years. I brush at least three times a day, use floss more than the cast of Baywatch, and yet I've got a cavity.
I'm thinking the Crunchberry Beast is behind all of this. There's probably some sinister group of cereal people out to mess with my teeth. I can see them sitting around a conference room table now - Count Chocola, Trix the Rabbit, Tony the Tiger, the Cocoa Puffs idiot bird, Snap, Crackle, and Pop, maybe even King Vitamin. Bastids.
Speaking of cereal, a couple of quick reviews:
Cookie Crisp ... I remember being in complete shock that I was being allowed to eat cookies and milk ... for breakfast! What genius thought of this?
Fruity/Cocoa Pebbles ... pour a bowl, then pray you don't get distracted for more than 2 seconds, or it's soggy city. The after-milk was fantastic, though.
Honeycomb ... Too friggin' big! I could only fit one on a spoon. Who wants to eat cereal one comb at a time? Jeez.
The Crunch family ... yeah, I could make the requisite rip the roof of your mouth jokes, but I ain't going there. Hmm. Actually, I'm not creative enough to think of anything else, so it rips up the roof of your mouth. Next!
Trix ... so they totally f-ed up Trix recently, and it's pretty much useless. I mean, I have no idea how you can screw up colored balls of sugar, but they did. Well done, marketing idiots. To top that brilliant move off, they'll probably have a commercial where the rabbit gets hit by a bus.
The Monster family ... you know, Count Chocola, Frankenberry, that nonsense ... never liked them. Whoever tricked kids into thinking those colored styrofoam peanuts they put in those cereals were marshmallows ... well, you didn't get me, sucka! Same goes for Lucky Charms.
Alpha Bits ... let's spell cuss words!
posted by AxnJxn at 11:56 AM
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