It's good to go home, and it's good to be home. Yeah, that makes little sense to you, but it's perfectly logical to me - I went home to Indiana this weekend, where I grew up, and I'm back in my town now. Took a nice ride along the water tonight at sunset. Venus is still chillin' high and mighty in the sky, nice cool breeze, another fantastic sunset, and I had a little Coldplay "High Speed" on the iPod. Sat on a bench by the Bay and just took in my city for a bit. Tremendous stuff.
Ok, before I get into this noise, let's just get something out of the way right now. I went to my 20th year high school reunion this weekend, so all of you yahoos can get your old guy jokes out of the way up front. I'll wait. Oh yeah, that one was REAL funny. Ok, ya'll done? Swell. Let's move forward.
Got to my gate about an hour before my flight. Never fails in DC - you plan for traffic, and there's none. You don't plan for traffic, megajam! Friggin' DC. So, I'm at the gate, and the dude doing the PA thing is the World's Most Obnoxious PA Guy in the History of the Free World. It was the most amazing thing I've ever heard. If you strapped down Richard Simmons and force fed him ephedra for about an hour, you'd be fairly close to this guy's level of excitement. Sorta disturbing in a way.
Our flight was delayed because they "couldn't find the crew." Magnifique! I was mega inspired to get on the plane and fly after the were "found".
Upon arrival, I was picked up by my lovely friend Karen. Karen comes from a large family of beautiful Italian women, and she takes an odd sort of pleasure in getting me into trouble. Let's just say that I'm not to be trusted around flowery centerpieces, because Karen uses her magical Italian hotness powers to get me to eat them. Hey, it's ruffage - back off!
Probably not the best person to be picking an idiot like me up at the airport, but I'm all growed up now! Riiight. A coupla margaritas later, and I'm already buzzed. This is all of 20 minutes into the trip ... we hadn't even left the friggin' airport! My liver quietly saluted me on my fine start to the weekend by punching my pancreas.
We spent Friday night at a tailgate before the homecoming football game and then at a local bar. Notes:
- Technically, you aren't supposed to have alcohol at this joint, but our class doesn't believe in being technical. At one point, our vice principal walked over. Now, he's a big dude, and a bit scary in a number of ways, and here I am filling my "diet coke" up with a little of the leaded. I regressed back to being a squirrely teenager in about 1.2 seconds. I'm still trying to figure out how I wasn't sitting in the principal's office on Monday morning. Odd.
- The ol' high sign we used to use in high school is still the same. When it was time to cut out of some joint, we'd give each other the raised eyebrow and head nod, and then there'd be this mass exodus of certain people. Did the exact same thing on Friday, and it still worked. Double odd.
- We had about 10 of us or so at a local place for drinks after the game. The tab? $106!? For everyone!? I'm drinking there EVERY weekend! I also noticed that they charged me $11 for my 3 cap'n n cokes. Um, I ain't no math major, but $11/3 = $3.666666666 ... what would have happened if I ordered one? I'd imagine someone's head may have exploded.
Saturday was a full day affair of a picnic, bowling, and then a dinner that night. I'm incredibly proud of myself. I managed not to:
1) Sing
2) Make a fool of myself dancing
3) Sing while making a fool of myself dancing
4) Not pick up any married chicks
Lemme tell you ... Lithium does wonders in these situations. The married chick thing was actually a concern - I had no less than 5 women warn me of that before I even left.
After the dinner, one of my good friends from home opened up the bowling alley bar for us for some late night foolishness. Now, I got a ride there with this unbelievably hot married woman from our class ... she's one of those women that has you kicking yourself double for not dating her in high school, and I actually did date her for about 2 days after the 5 year reunion. More proof that I'm an idiot, as if it's needed. Anyway, so we walk into the bar, which is your basic small town bowling alley bar. She orders:
(1) a Cosmopolitan [blank stare from the bartender]
(2) an apple martini [another blank stare]
(3) sighs and orders a rum and pineapple juice, while my buddy and I struggle not to burst out laughing
Every now and then, I stumble into an idea that is simply brilliant. Then there's the "Ladies on the Lap" picture tradition, which tops everything. In essence, one of my friends was sending out some pics from the last reunion, and the majority of the ones with me in them seemed to have a women or women sitting on my lap. Needless to say, this had to be made into a tradition! So, around 2 am, the "Ladies on the Lap" tradition was born. It was kinda like Santa Clause, only with a dirty old man (me) as Santa. It was a brilliant idea until some of my male classmates decided to take part as well. Let's just move on.
One of the dudes in our class is called "Crotch". Don't ask me why ... I'm not sure even Crotch knows. Well, Crotch used to be one of the bigger and tougher guys in our class, and I'm sure he's still tough, but he's shrunk a bit since high school. He also used to wear cowboy boots at all times, but they've since been replaced with sandals. It was kinda odd. Crotch also felt it necessary to tell me I was "dead sexy" about 10 times. Now, I already know I'm dead sexy, but I'm trying to keep it quiet ... I can't have Angelina Jolie stalking me ... again. So, that was a little bit strange. I think he also grabbed my ass at one point.
One young lady, upon finding out I was still single (which in Indiana is similar to being a leper), informed me that she has tons of single females available for set-up purposes. So, I've got that going for me, if I ever get so desperate that I need a 700 mile relationship. Duly noted.
All in all, had a great time as always. It's great to go home and see everyone, but I always get a little melancholy for a few days afterwards. I've got some tremendous friends that I miss a great deal, and getting everyone together like that kinda reminds me of what a great bunch of people they are. Plus, the women in our class are all mega hot, which doesn't hurt, either. Ha! And you thought I was gonna get all sappy. Suckers!
Ok, before I get into this noise, let's just get something out of the way right now. I went to my 20th year high school reunion this weekend, so all of you yahoos can get your old guy jokes out of the way up front. I'll wait. Oh yeah, that one was REAL funny. Ok, ya'll done? Swell. Let's move forward.
Got to my gate about an hour before my flight. Never fails in DC - you plan for traffic, and there's none. You don't plan for traffic, megajam! Friggin' DC. So, I'm at the gate, and the dude doing the PA thing is the World's Most Obnoxious PA Guy in the History of the Free World. It was the most amazing thing I've ever heard. If you strapped down Richard Simmons and force fed him ephedra for about an hour, you'd be fairly close to this guy's level of excitement. Sorta disturbing in a way.
Our flight was delayed because they "couldn't find the crew." Magnifique! I was mega inspired to get on the plane and fly after the were "found".
Upon arrival, I was picked up by my lovely friend Karen. Karen comes from a large family of beautiful Italian women, and she takes an odd sort of pleasure in getting me into trouble. Let's just say that I'm not to be trusted around flowery centerpieces, because Karen uses her magical Italian hotness powers to get me to eat them. Hey, it's ruffage - back off!
Probably not the best person to be picking an idiot like me up at the airport, but I'm all growed up now! Riiight. A coupla margaritas later, and I'm already buzzed. This is all of 20 minutes into the trip ... we hadn't even left the friggin' airport! My liver quietly saluted me on my fine start to the weekend by punching my pancreas.
We spent Friday night at a tailgate before the homecoming football game and then at a local bar. Notes:
- Technically, you aren't supposed to have alcohol at this joint, but our class doesn't believe in being technical. At one point, our vice principal walked over. Now, he's a big dude, and a bit scary in a number of ways, and here I am filling my "diet coke" up with a little of the leaded. I regressed back to being a squirrely teenager in about 1.2 seconds. I'm still trying to figure out how I wasn't sitting in the principal's office on Monday morning. Odd.
- The ol' high sign we used to use in high school is still the same. When it was time to cut out of some joint, we'd give each other the raised eyebrow and head nod, and then there'd be this mass exodus of certain people. Did the exact same thing on Friday, and it still worked. Double odd.
- We had about 10 of us or so at a local place for drinks after the game. The tab? $106!? For everyone!? I'm drinking there EVERY weekend! I also noticed that they charged me $11 for my 3 cap'n n cokes. Um, I ain't no math major, but $11/3 = $3.666666666 ... what would have happened if I ordered one? I'd imagine someone's head may have exploded.
Saturday was a full day affair of a picnic, bowling, and then a dinner that night. I'm incredibly proud of myself. I managed not to:
1) Sing
2) Make a fool of myself dancing
3) Sing while making a fool of myself dancing
4) Not pick up any married chicks
Lemme tell you ... Lithium does wonders in these situations. The married chick thing was actually a concern - I had no less than 5 women warn me of that before I even left.
After the dinner, one of my good friends from home opened up the bowling alley bar for us for some late night foolishness. Now, I got a ride there with this unbelievably hot married woman from our class ... she's one of those women that has you kicking yourself double for not dating her in high school, and I actually did date her for about 2 days after the 5 year reunion. More proof that I'm an idiot, as if it's needed. Anyway, so we walk into the bar, which is your basic small town bowling alley bar. She orders:
(1) a Cosmopolitan [blank stare from the bartender]
(2) an apple martini [another blank stare]
(3) sighs and orders a rum and pineapple juice, while my buddy and I struggle not to burst out laughing
Every now and then, I stumble into an idea that is simply brilliant. Then there's the "Ladies on the Lap" picture tradition, which tops everything. In essence, one of my friends was sending out some pics from the last reunion, and the majority of the ones with me in them seemed to have a women or women sitting on my lap. Needless to say, this had to be made into a tradition! So, around 2 am, the "Ladies on the Lap" tradition was born. It was kinda like Santa Clause, only with a dirty old man (me) as Santa. It was a brilliant idea until some of my male classmates decided to take part as well. Let's just move on.
One of the dudes in our class is called "Crotch". Don't ask me why ... I'm not sure even Crotch knows. Well, Crotch used to be one of the bigger and tougher guys in our class, and I'm sure he's still tough, but he's shrunk a bit since high school. He also used to wear cowboy boots at all times, but they've since been replaced with sandals. It was kinda odd. Crotch also felt it necessary to tell me I was "dead sexy" about 10 times. Now, I already know I'm dead sexy, but I'm trying to keep it quiet ... I can't have Angelina Jolie stalking me ... again. So, that was a little bit strange. I think he also grabbed my ass at one point.
One young lady, upon finding out I was still single (which in Indiana is similar to being a leper), informed me that she has tons of single females available for set-up purposes. So, I've got that going for me, if I ever get so desperate that I need a 700 mile relationship. Duly noted.
All in all, had a great time as always. It's great to go home and see everyone, but I always get a little melancholy for a few days afterwards. I've got some tremendous friends that I miss a great deal, and getting everyone together like that kinda reminds me of what a great bunch of people they are. Plus, the women in our class are all mega hot, which doesn't hurt, either. Ha! And you thought I was gonna get all sappy. Suckers!
posted by AxnJxn at 6:52 PM
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