Perfect teeth, borrowing fries, hurling booty call
Current mood: I'm too tired to think of a mood

"I'll sleep when I'm dead"

I believe that's Warren Zevon who sang that line. If not, well, I'm too friggin' tired from a weekend of idiocy to care, and it's apropo for how I feel right now. Let's get to the highlights:

- I spent a good portion of Friday night and part of Saturday afternoon talking to unavailable women about sex. Needless to say, I had a LOT of energy on Saturday night. Think of the Tasmanian Devil on viagra, and you'd be close.

- I was told by an attractive woman in a bar that I have perfect teeth. Now, normally, this would seem to be a compliment, but she said it in a way that seemed like an insult. Very strange. She left the bar shortly after, and I ordered a shot. I think we were both satisfied in our own li'l worlds.

- Late Saturday night, I popped into the Funk Box to see this band called The Soft Parade, which is a Doors tribute band. Now, I love the Doors, but this was a really weird scene. I expected the lead singer to look like Jim Morrison, but all 4 members of the band looked like the original members of The Doors. I was so freaked out, I had to go to Maria D's and get a slice and fries.

- At Maria D's, I saw a guy I used to play softball with, who was absolutely waffled to the hilt. He, of course, didn't recognize me. I guess it's hard to recognize someone if you can't see them, and he was looking at me, yet right through me, if ya know what I mean. His wife had to introduce us (I guess that would be re-introduce), which was really funny, because I've never met her. Or, maybe I have, and I couldn't see her due to my own personal issues with being waffled at the time. Anyway, he "borrowed" a fry (I told him not to return it), asked if I was on steroids (lovely), and then stumbled off. I wish I were making some of these things up.

- As I'm enjoying my fries, I got a booty call. I guess. I'm not sure what really constitutes a booty call anymore ... does it count if you don't have sex? is it a double booty call if it turns into a threesome? ... but whatever. After meeting me at my place, she decided to get sick in the bathroom before any of the actual booty call actions began. Note ... if your booty call is hurling, you ain't gettin' booty. Just a tip to live by. I'm also trying to see how many times I can use the phrase booty call, simply because I think it's a hoot.

- Sunday, went up to Jersey to hang with some friends at the beach. Now, one of the friends warned me about Jersey women, and he wasn't kiddin'. Great googily moogily. I've never seen so many women in heels in my life. Oh, and if you make any sort of eye contact with a Jersey girl, they immediately look away. So, the normal rules of attraction - you know, eye contact, smiling, hair flips, etc. - are completely out ... it's like swinging at a pinata while on mushrooms. Um. Ok, did I mention I was tired? Anyway. Oh, yes, and there are two interesting ratios going on with the women:

The older you get, the more makeup you should wear ... which is saying a lot, considering how much the young'uns were wearing
The older you get, the less clothes you should wear. Um ... yeah. I saw a LOT of things I don't ever want to see again. Or at least not for another 20 years.

Now, the absolute hottest woman in the bar we were in last night was also the cousin of one of my friends. Sounds like a recipe for success, eh? Wrong. She got freaked out because I took her picture. Um ... yeah. Needless to say, I got out of Jersey without having to propose to anyone.

Possibly more later ...