Pleh. I'm pretty sure my head is going to explode soon. I've got a cold, and the pressure in my head is pretty impressive. As a bonus, I woke up this morning with "Love On The Rocks" by Neil Diamond in my head. I swear. Scout's honor. The combination of those two things was almost enough for me to top myself. Crikey.

A bit of a recap of last weekend, since this weekend's looking like it's going to be filled with chicken soup and orange juice. So, Friday, went to Philly. Just a quick note - there are certain things I don't want to hear:

Only guys allowed
We're out of Captain Morgan's
Your shirt is on fire
I just came from the doctor, and ...
[On a first date] Do you want to go see the new Tom Cruise movie? I love him!
Cash only bar

Yah, I went to Philly to check out this band called My Morning Jacket, and I heard the words "cash only bar." I mean, how am I going to leave my credit card on a tab in another city if you only take cash? Totally ruining my plan for being Idiot of the Year.

The show was quite fine. I spent a good portion of it trying to decide if this woman was hot or not. She was kinda cute at first, and the more I drank, she didn't get any hotter, so I'm going with a definite maybe. Yup, these are the things I think about when at a live show.

Also, this is the return of the Stallion to the blog. I only mention this because he was very excited about being back in the blog. You might remember him - tall Philipino, likes wraps, introduced me to Captain Morgan's Tattoo? Yup, that's him. Anyway, after the show, we hit a cheesesteak joint, where I asked the dude to give me the "Philly Special." In retrospect, I really was setting myself up for something bad there, but he just gave me a cheesesteak with a ton of onions. Naturally, this darling young woman comes in soon after I start chowing down ... I basically just admired her from afar. She could probably smell the onions from afar, too.

I spent most of Saturday at Portside (shocker alert!), watching Notre Dame lose and watching a young hottie I like to call Dr. Boots get more and more tipsy. She also kept introducing me to guys. Ladies, just a tip ... introducing me to guys is NOT HELPING! Heh.

So, here's something I've been wondering lately. I have to wear a tie every day. It's not tight, but it's not all that loose, either. So, is this thing cutting off necessary oxygen to my brain on a daily basis? I mean, I'm unbright enough as it is, what with the drinking, the meth use, the glue sniffing, the watching of The Real World and the UFC, and listening to people at the gym have conversations. I don't need any more help, thank you.

Here's how silly my life is getting. It's freezing out today, so I actually put the outdoor cats' food in the microwave and warmed it up some. I think that Idiot of the Year award might be a little closer now.
Speaking of the gym, two notes:

1) Seriously, if you're on a cell phone in the gym, and it isn't an emergency situation, just get an L tattooed on your forehead. It'll save the rest of us time.

2) Ok, this will likely get me in some trouble. There's this woman, and she was on The Biggest Loser ...

An aside ... is it just me, or does that show conjur up different images? I mean, not that I've ever watched it, but I would expect that show to be hosted by Richard Simmons and have an appearance by Lindsay Lohan daily.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. So, this woman was on the show, and she apparently lost all this weight, so they have a poster in the gym talking about it. At the end of the poster is this quote:

"She is an inspiration to us all."

All? Um. Ok, what did I miss here? I'm not really getting how I'm supposed to be inspired by someone that gained a ton of weight then lost it. I mean, if I go on a Dunkin' Donuts binge, gain 100 pounds, then drop it all, is that inspiring? Mmm ... doughnuts.

Ok, go ahead and hit me over the head now ... I'm evil! Had to get that one off my chest.