You know what ... no intro for you! I feel like the Soup Nazi. We're just going to get right to it today. To the notes!

#1 - Pick up a woman with boys around her

Pretty much the impossible task. More impossible than the bartender pickup, and pretty much on the same level as "meeting the shuttle girl who is always talking to her friend." Quite hot young woman at the Bay Cafe surrounded by 3 dudes. Tons of eye contact. Absolutely no way I can go over and discuss the eye contact. Moving on ...

#2 - Pink Houses

There simply isn't a better song. I've been playing it with my boy John for about 15 years now. A good 75% of the time, I break a string while playing it because I'm so into it. My list of songs I would play if I ever got up in front of a mic is short:

Pink Houses
Waitress in the Sky (if I could ever remember all the words ... and there really aren't that many)
Cuts Like A Knife (it's a sing-along!)

#3 - Noticing the wedding ring

Heh. 'Nuff said. Nothing worse than spotting a beautiful woman, making eye contact, getting a nice smile ... and then spotting the ring. Dag!

#4 - Jack and red bull

A vile concoction. Some of you may know that when I drink Jack, I get bees in my head. I really can't describe it any better than that. One of the HN's friends noted that the next day, you get bees in your belly as well, which I found quite comical. One of my dude friends was drinking that noise last night. Eesh.

#5 - It's been at least a year ducking Bay Cafe

Um. Hmm. Yeah, I have no idea what that means, but I typed it. I guess it sounds kinda funny. It's quite possible that I was just putting together random phrases to see if they fit. Let's go forward.

I must get to a couple of texts. These never fail to crack me up the next day ...

Have fun ... don't fall down (my reputation precedes me)
You're in charge now cat dad. Be good! (Um ...)
Two videos captured and I'm making fries (that was at 2:38 am ... yeah)
Cops are walking with me! Fun! (I'm pretty sure that's sarcasm)
Squibs is looking hot! (I think I'll just leave that one alone)

Now, we all know I'm a fairly wise dude. I mean, I've invented the cat scratch post bed (well, not yet, but I'm sure it's coming), I can handle flossing without hurting myself ... most of the time, and I am getting really good at going down stairs without falling ... but my latest stroke of genius might be tops. I managed to get cab fare out of Cherie so's I could go back to Canton later in the evening. Ha! I mean, there's nuttin' better than having a hot chick hand you $20 ... especially when you still have your pants on. Hmm ... think I went to far there.

Last night's highlights:

Spent a good 20 minutes doing Big Lebowski lines with this pretty li'l darlin' at some bar in Fed Hill. Unfortunately, I then found out she was 22. Oof. Phone's ringing, Dude! Thank you, Donny.

Ok, here's a general question. What's the rule when you're interested in a woman, but her friend is interested in you. I got hosed on this one. Talking to a group of women ... wait, let's do this Algebra style.

Jack strikes up a convo with a gaggle of women
Jack is interested in Woman A
Woman B is interested in Jack
Woman A and Woman B are friends
Whiff!

Heh. Apparently, if Woman B is interested in me before I get Woman A's phone number, I'm done. D'oh! I really need to write some of these rules down. In retrospect, it's entirely possible that Woman A wasn't interested anyway, and I probably should've just hung out with Woman B. Wait, which one was Woman A?

It's been a lifelong dream of mine, but I've finally made the Craig's List Missed Connections page! I'm quite proud. It only took me [checks watch] ... 15 years! Someone at Ropewalk saw me and noted it ... here's hoping it's not a dude or The Molester. Aw, I shouldn't say that ... The Molester is a cool chick, she just has busy hands.

A tad of a rant ... I really need to get this sign on my forehead that says "Whacko Chicks Apply Here" removed. Jeez. I mean, a number of ya know about the recent situation which put me in a bit of a tizzy ... seems to be a trend all of a sudden. Maybe I should go back to being 38, cuz that's right about when all of this started. Women ... can't live with 'em ... can't stop diggin' 'em.

Workin' at the SPCA again today. C'mon in and get yourself a cat! Second one is half price!

Allison, close your eyes ... here's a pic of my li'l buddy ... I get full custody this weekend while the HN is at the beach. I'll be posting a video on Myspace a bit later, too. Just a tad bit cute ...