Woo! I needed one of those! Let's get right to it, shall we?
We'll start with a note I left myself on Friday:
Tried to light cigarette but failed.
Ok, I sorta have this thing that I try to be a gentleman at all times. Um, stop laughing. I'm semi-serious. Ok, fine, I'm laughing as well. Anyway, so I'm in Portside on Friday, and this young lass has a smoke but no light. I grab a pack of matches, and smoothly try to light a match. Once. Twice. Three times a lady. After the 5th time, some other clown comes in with a lighter. Friggin' matches!
Friday was relatively pain free. If you count talking to an ex on the phone from the hours of 2 am to 4 am pain free. Oy. I'm sure you can imagine how well that conversation went. Moving on!
I'm going to skip Friday for the most part. It was the usual nonsense - Bay Cafe happy hour (which was packed for some reason), hit a couple of places on the Square, then had a good convo with Bo at Portside. Found out some quality info about him - good dude. Other than that, it was fairly regular.
The major hecka fun came on Saturday, when I went to Dewey Beach for the first time in over a year. Now, those of you who haven't been to Dewey should know this. There are two things to do at Dewey - drink tons and hook up. Um, yeah, there's a beach there as well, but who cares about that when you have those two other options?
So, I head down with my buddy Mark. One aside - on the trip down, we stop at the BK Lounge for a bite to eat. They have this BK Stacker thing ... it's quite possibly the most frightening thing I've ever seen. The big one has 4 slabs of burger, each with it's own slice of cheese. As if that isn't enough, they pile bacon on top. I nearly flatlined just looking at it.
So, we get down there around 3 or so. Mark quickly finds out just how high maintenance I am when I request a bathroom to freshen up. Hey, when you're 39 and look 34, it's important to look 32. I have no idea what that means.
So, we finally hit the bar, starting out at Starboard. There's a hecka sloppy bar crawl going on, so we're already way behind stumbly-wise, but we're pretty good at catching up. We hang there for a bit, then hit the jam session at the Bottle and Cork. The jam session is the coolest. The weather was perfect, the Cork is an indoor/outdoor place, so it's fresh air, and the bands generally play some cool tunes. This is where things start to get a bit ... um ... waffly.
Two words: Jell-O shots. I'm standing there chillin', minding my own business and scouting the prospects. I look over, and I realize that Mark's holding a full tray of shots. Here's the convo:
Me: Um, why are you holding that tray of Jell-O shots?
Mark: Um, because I just bought it.
Me: A shot?
Mark: Um, the whole tray.
Me: [blank stare]
I suddenly realize that we're about to get extremely drunk. Well, actually, that's not really true. See, Jell-O shots are what I call alcohol hand grenades. You pull the pin when you down them, but they don't explode immediately. They putz around in your stomach for a bit, chillin' and waiting for later when you actually have to talk to women. Then, they attack all motor skills at once. It's fascinating stuff. Friggin' Jell-O shots. Bill Cosby can bite me.
Fortunately for me, one of our female friends loves 'em, so I manage to pawn off 4 or 5 on her. Naturally, she didn't make it to sundown after that. Hey, I have a hard enough time being my own keeper, doncha know - I can't be worrying about others!
Genius Jack suddenly arrives. I get the idea that we should go back to Starboard, so we can get in there and avoid the line. Mark gives me one of those "You're an idiot" looks ... I'm pretty familiar with them by now ... but he needs a snack anyway, so we go. A bit later, we're sitting at Starboard with maybe 9 other people, twiddling our thumbs. Yup, I'm a genius! Hey, we avoided the line ... so there.
I did get to talk to Steve a bit, who is a bartender at Portside in the non beach months. Fortunately, I promise Bo the night before that I'd do a shot with Steve for him. More straight booze! Brilliant! As if that isn't enough, I see a young lady I know from Portside in Baltimore. I say hello ... her response? "What are you doing here?" Um, nice to see you too! Jeez. I think she's off the Christmas card list ... not that I have one. I'm going to fake one, and cross her off. So there. I did manage to tell her that I think her roommate is hot ... I'm sure that helped things.
From here, the night starts to get a tad fuzzy. The one thing I do note is that the more I drink, the slower time seems to go by. Apparently, Jell-O shots have some odd effect on the Earth's rotation, causing it to slow. Who knew? Friggin' Bill Cosby.
One of the night's highlights. On the ride down, Mark's telling me about this friend of his named Lori, who sounds fantastic. So, I turn the corner one time, and sure enough, there's Lori! I prep myself, walk over, and introduce myself. Check it ... here's what follows out of my mouth:
Frlngk plampey bornteing ont slinpy ... oong!
I'm quoting pretty much verbatim. Smooth as sandpaper, me. Fortunately, I manage to realize I'm speaking some cousin language of Swahili, so I bolt. I don't think I actually ran, but it sure seemed like it. Good thing first impressions aren't important or anything!
The rest of the night is equally blurry. I did get some Grotto's, some kissing skills practice, and managed to sleep a few hours before we headed back home.
Today, I had a final exam in my Microeconomics class. Fortunately, I was still hungover from Saturday. Lovely.
We'll start with a note I left myself on Friday:
Tried to light cigarette but failed.
Ok, I sorta have this thing that I try to be a gentleman at all times. Um, stop laughing. I'm semi-serious. Ok, fine, I'm laughing as well. Anyway, so I'm in Portside on Friday, and this young lass has a smoke but no light. I grab a pack of matches, and smoothly try to light a match. Once. Twice. Three times a lady. After the 5th time, some other clown comes in with a lighter. Friggin' matches!
Friday was relatively pain free. If you count talking to an ex on the phone from the hours of 2 am to 4 am pain free. Oy. I'm sure you can imagine how well that conversation went. Moving on!
I'm going to skip Friday for the most part. It was the usual nonsense - Bay Cafe happy hour (which was packed for some reason), hit a couple of places on the Square, then had a good convo with Bo at Portside. Found out some quality info about him - good dude. Other than that, it was fairly regular.
The major hecka fun came on Saturday, when I went to Dewey Beach for the first time in over a year. Now, those of you who haven't been to Dewey should know this. There are two things to do at Dewey - drink tons and hook up. Um, yeah, there's a beach there as well, but who cares about that when you have those two other options?
So, I head down with my buddy Mark. One aside - on the trip down, we stop at the BK Lounge for a bite to eat. They have this BK Stacker thing ... it's quite possibly the most frightening thing I've ever seen. The big one has 4 slabs of burger, each with it's own slice of cheese. As if that isn't enough, they pile bacon on top. I nearly flatlined just looking at it.
So, we get down there around 3 or so. Mark quickly finds out just how high maintenance I am when I request a bathroom to freshen up. Hey, when you're 39 and look 34, it's important to look 32. I have no idea what that means.
So, we finally hit the bar, starting out at Starboard. There's a hecka sloppy bar crawl going on, so we're already way behind stumbly-wise, but we're pretty good at catching up. We hang there for a bit, then hit the jam session at the Bottle and Cork. The jam session is the coolest. The weather was perfect, the Cork is an indoor/outdoor place, so it's fresh air, and the bands generally play some cool tunes. This is where things start to get a bit ... um ... waffly.
Two words: Jell-O shots. I'm standing there chillin', minding my own business and scouting the prospects. I look over, and I realize that Mark's holding a full tray of shots. Here's the convo:
Me: Um, why are you holding that tray of Jell-O shots?
Mark: Um, because I just bought it.
Me: A shot?
Mark: Um, the whole tray.
Me: [blank stare]
I suddenly realize that we're about to get extremely drunk. Well, actually, that's not really true. See, Jell-O shots are what I call alcohol hand grenades. You pull the pin when you down them, but they don't explode immediately. They putz around in your stomach for a bit, chillin' and waiting for later when you actually have to talk to women. Then, they attack all motor skills at once. It's fascinating stuff. Friggin' Jell-O shots. Bill Cosby can bite me.
Fortunately for me, one of our female friends loves 'em, so I manage to pawn off 4 or 5 on her. Naturally, she didn't make it to sundown after that. Hey, I have a hard enough time being my own keeper, doncha know - I can't be worrying about others!
Genius Jack suddenly arrives. I get the idea that we should go back to Starboard, so we can get in there and avoid the line. Mark gives me one of those "You're an idiot" looks ... I'm pretty familiar with them by now ... but he needs a snack anyway, so we go. A bit later, we're sitting at Starboard with maybe 9 other people, twiddling our thumbs. Yup, I'm a genius! Hey, we avoided the line ... so there.
I did get to talk to Steve a bit, who is a bartender at Portside in the non beach months. Fortunately, I promise Bo the night before that I'd do a shot with Steve for him. More straight booze! Brilliant! As if that isn't enough, I see a young lady I know from Portside in Baltimore. I say hello ... her response? "What are you doing here?" Um, nice to see you too! Jeez. I think she's off the Christmas card list ... not that I have one. I'm going to fake one, and cross her off. So there. I did manage to tell her that I think her roommate is hot ... I'm sure that helped things.
From here, the night starts to get a tad fuzzy. The one thing I do note is that the more I drink, the slower time seems to go by. Apparently, Jell-O shots have some odd effect on the Earth's rotation, causing it to slow. Who knew? Friggin' Bill Cosby.
One of the night's highlights. On the ride down, Mark's telling me about this friend of his named Lori, who sounds fantastic. So, I turn the corner one time, and sure enough, there's Lori! I prep myself, walk over, and introduce myself. Check it ... here's what follows out of my mouth:
Frlngk plampey bornteing ont slinpy ... oong!
I'm quoting pretty much verbatim. Smooth as sandpaper, me. Fortunately, I manage to realize I'm speaking some cousin language of Swahili, so I bolt. I don't think I actually ran, but it sure seemed like it. Good thing first impressions aren't important or anything!
The rest of the night is equally blurry. I did get some Grotto's, some kissing skills practice, and managed to sleep a few hours before we headed back home.
Today, I had a final exam in my Microeconomics class. Fortunately, I was still hungover from Saturday. Lovely.
posted by AxnJxn at 6:39 PM
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