Ok, so the news of the day is that I got a smile from the woman who rides the shuttle as I walked by her this morning. I think. It's entirely possible that she has a tic in her face or was thinking about Brad Pitt in a bubble bath at the time, but I'm running with it. So, I'm trying to figure out an approach to ask her out to lunch. A few issues here:
1) By the time I see her each morning, I've already walked a good 4-5 blocks. In this heat, that's not good. I think it's pretty close to the temperature at the core of the Earth right now ... plus another 5 degrees. Therefore, I'm a tad sweaty. Chicks don't dig sweaty. Trust me, I know these things.
2) I'll also be trying this first thing in the morning. On a general day, I try not to speak to anyone until noon, other than a mumbled "G'morning" or a head nod. I count that as communication. It's just a good idea, and I've got lots of good ideas. I don't poke bears with short sticks or drink anything handed to me by a guy named Slippery Sam. I'm just not a morning person, unless it has to do with ... um ... gettin' busy wit' it?
3) I'm not really sure what #3 is. I'm thinking #1 and #2 will be tough enough. Wait ... I'll be sober.
So, this isn't quite an obstacle like going home with a bartender - which I consider the near impossible task - but it could be a bit tricky. There are bonuses:
1) I'll be in my shirt and tie, and I must say, I can look pretty sharp ... if I'm not sweaty.
2) That early in the morning, I won't care about the possibility of rejection because I won't be awake.
3) I won't be drunk.
So, we'll see how this goes, if it even happens at all. I have a tendency to come up with these lavish plans (at one point, I was going to hand her a note and a flower ... yeah, I can be that stupid sometimes), and then end up doing nothing if there's another option going on at the same time. 'Course, the way things are going lately, she'll get a boyfriend tonight, and he'll start taking her to work tomorrow.
So, I have a friend who made me promise to never put her in the blog ... so, of course, I did! Ha! Ok, this doesn't really count, since she hasn't done anything "blog-worthy" that I know of ... which we all know is likely a good thing. I only know a few things about her as it is:
1) She's hecka hot ... she has a striking resemblence to Monica Brandt ... you'll have to Google that if you don't know ... which always kinda throws me for a loop every time I see her.
2) She's allergic to cats ... which we all know means she's Communist. Even Lauren Holly would lose a few points of hotness for being Commie/allergic ... well, wait, let's not get crazy here. Actually, I think Lauren Holly could hate Pez and I'd still be down with some of that. Which is also Commie talk. Friggin' Pez haters.
I'm currently waiting for the HN to bring me my dinner, which is late. Damn hot women! She went to Ten by Six or Eight by Ten or Two by Four or ... whatever ... some Thai place in Fed Hill that isn't all that good. She was also there with Scarlett Johannsen. Ok, not the real one, but someone that looks like her ... minus the huge boobs. I went to this joint with an ex, and it was the epitome of average, but free food is free food, people, especially Thai. Basically, anything that sounds like Asian food - Thai, Chinese, Vietnamese, Wang Chung, Lucy Liu - and I'm down with it.
Mmm, had a break there while I went and got my dinner. Dag, that was some good shiz. When I asked what it was, the response was "some sort of chicken." So, I'll be ordering that the next time I'm in a Thai place. I can see it now:
Um, yes, I'll have the "some sort of chicken" and "liquid and ice in a cup". To go. Oh, and don't forget my "piece of paper with a cookie wrapped around it." Thanks.
That should garner some odd looks ... well, odder than normal.
Ok, wanna see women in skimpy bedroom clothes? Nope, you don't have to check out the Victoria's Secret catalogue. You just need to drive by the park on the way to work, cuz there are tons of 'em out walking their dogs. It's pretty comical in a way. As a bonus, they also have to do the daintily bend over and pick up doo move, which is always good comedy for cat people.
To finish, a few things you never want to hear from your SO:
- Is this a rash?
- I haven't killed anyone this whole week! Wait, what day is it?
- Honey, I bought a new crack pipe!
- Can you pick this off for me?
- When I start bleeding, call 911.
- Um, is this cat hurl on the floor or something else?
- Hey, it's your turn to clean the tarantula cage.
1) By the time I see her each morning, I've already walked a good 4-5 blocks. In this heat, that's not good. I think it's pretty close to the temperature at the core of the Earth right now ... plus another 5 degrees. Therefore, I'm a tad sweaty. Chicks don't dig sweaty. Trust me, I know these things.
2) I'll also be trying this first thing in the morning. On a general day, I try not to speak to anyone until noon, other than a mumbled "G'morning" or a head nod. I count that as communication. It's just a good idea, and I've got lots of good ideas. I don't poke bears with short sticks or drink anything handed to me by a guy named Slippery Sam. I'm just not a morning person, unless it has to do with ... um ... gettin' busy wit' it?
3) I'm not really sure what #3 is. I'm thinking #1 and #2 will be tough enough. Wait ... I'll be sober.
So, this isn't quite an obstacle like going home with a bartender - which I consider the near impossible task - but it could be a bit tricky. There are bonuses:
1) I'll be in my shirt and tie, and I must say, I can look pretty sharp ... if I'm not sweaty.
2) That early in the morning, I won't care about the possibility of rejection because I won't be awake.
3) I won't be drunk.
So, we'll see how this goes, if it even happens at all. I have a tendency to come up with these lavish plans (at one point, I was going to hand her a note and a flower ... yeah, I can be that stupid sometimes), and then end up doing nothing if there's another option going on at the same time. 'Course, the way things are going lately, she'll get a boyfriend tonight, and he'll start taking her to work tomorrow.
So, I have a friend who made me promise to never put her in the blog ... so, of course, I did! Ha! Ok, this doesn't really count, since she hasn't done anything "blog-worthy" that I know of ... which we all know is likely a good thing. I only know a few things about her as it is:
1) She's hecka hot ... she has a striking resemblence to Monica Brandt ... you'll have to Google that if you don't know ... which always kinda throws me for a loop every time I see her.
2) She's allergic to cats ... which we all know means she's Communist. Even Lauren Holly would lose a few points of hotness for being Commie/allergic ... well, wait, let's not get crazy here. Actually, I think Lauren Holly could hate Pez and I'd still be down with some of that. Which is also Commie talk. Friggin' Pez haters.
I'm currently waiting for the HN to bring me my dinner, which is late. Damn hot women! She went to Ten by Six or Eight by Ten or Two by Four or ... whatever ... some Thai place in Fed Hill that isn't all that good. She was also there with Scarlett Johannsen. Ok, not the real one, but someone that looks like her ... minus the huge boobs. I went to this joint with an ex, and it was the epitome of average, but free food is free food, people, especially Thai. Basically, anything that sounds like Asian food - Thai, Chinese, Vietnamese, Wang Chung, Lucy Liu - and I'm down with it.
Mmm, had a break there while I went and got my dinner. Dag, that was some good shiz. When I asked what it was, the response was "some sort of chicken." So, I'll be ordering that the next time I'm in a Thai place. I can see it now:
Um, yes, I'll have the "some sort of chicken" and "liquid and ice in a cup". To go. Oh, and don't forget my "piece of paper with a cookie wrapped around it." Thanks.
That should garner some odd looks ... well, odder than normal.
Ok, wanna see women in skimpy bedroom clothes? Nope, you don't have to check out the Victoria's Secret catalogue. You just need to drive by the park on the way to work, cuz there are tons of 'em out walking their dogs. It's pretty comical in a way. As a bonus, they also have to do the daintily bend over and pick up doo move, which is always good comedy for cat people.
To finish, a few things you never want to hear from your SO:
- Is this a rash?
- I haven't killed anyone this whole week! Wait, what day is it?
- Honey, I bought a new crack pipe!
- Can you pick this off for me?
- When I start bleeding, call 911.
- Um, is this cat hurl on the floor or something else?
- Hey, it's your turn to clean the tarantula cage.
posted by AxnJxn at 6:14 PM
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