Check this ... I'm reading the City Paper, and there's a review of David Lee Roth's show, which is coming to the Ram's Head soon. At the end, it says something like dudes, you should leave your dates at home, lest they get stolen by DLR. Talk about your good humor, man. Here was my reaction:

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha
Ha
[snicker/snort]

I can tell ya this ... if I'm dating a feminina, and DLR steals her away ... an aging rock star who can only speak English if he's drunk ... he did me a favor, knowwhatimean?

Cat Capture Weekend is almost here. It's been a friggin' pain in the ass, lemme tell ya. First we were in the program, then out, now back in. Oy. Capture everyone tomorrow night, to the vet with the kits and the SPCA with the adults on Saturday, pickup the adults on Sunday, release of adults on Monday. Then I'll have my life back. 'Course, I start class on Monday, so goodbye life. But, that will give me a chance to use a favorite line, from Back To School:

Why don't you call me sometime when you ... have no class?

Ok, I think it's funny. Those that don't can sod off. Nimbitzes.

This is going to be a bit of a crazy weekend. Not only is it Cat Capture, but I've had a bit of a kooky week, what with the cat program nonsense and planning for class and other nonsense, so I might be a tad drunk. I warned a friend that I might fall down. He just nodded his head knowingly. Hmm.

There's this Running of the Bulls thing on Canton Square Saturday, which is basically an excuse for a bar crawl ... like people need an excuse to drink around here ... are ya kiddin' me? Plus, it's put on by Portside, which as we all know is my home away from home. Let's sing the Portside song. All together now! Um, yeah ... there isn't one. Make a note of that. I'd write one, but I'm sure someone would steal the idea. Buncha t'ieves!

I'm also going to a late night party in Fell's on Saturday, which means I might be at The Horse at some point. Last time I was at The Horse, the hottie I was with tipped Ed and Frank $20. I sure hope they're not expecting the same ... I'm not sure $20 for Weezer is worth it, and it's pretty rare that I carry more than enough cash for a pizza in the city.

Speaking of cash ... well, actually, this is a really poor segueway to credit cards ... I need to work on my segueways. Anyway. Where was I? Ah, yes ... I managed to lose not one, but two credit cards last weekend. Yeah, yuck it up. Odd thing is, as silly drunk as I get sometimes, I always manage to know where my cards are, so it's a little heinke. Cancelled both, and they're sending replacements, but I have to dip into the JV stash of cards for the weekend. Dust yourself off, boys, cuz you're going in the game!

Retro story time. A few years ago, we had this big all guy golf weekend thing. So, we were out yipping it up all weekend. On Sunday, we're at Looney's (aka The Bar Of 5s, doncha know), and the bartender comes up for me and asks me my name. He notes that they have my card from the night before. He goes and gets it, returns, and comes back with two cards ... the other was my card from Friday night. Well done! I'm going to take a bow now. Bownow! I like that! Guess what my mood is going to be?!

I was bored at the gym while on the bike, so I thought up some state slogans. Here we go:

Indiana ... Please don't let people know Jack grew up here.
Rhode Island ... we're not small, we're just ... ah, screw it, we're small
Delaware ... ha! told you Rhode Island was small!
Mississippi ... everyone's favorite state on Wheel of Fortune
Canada ... we're not a state, you moron
Mexico ... we wish we were a state ... instead, we'll just send everyone over in groups
Florida ... swamps, alligators, old folks, hurricanes ... what's not to like?
Vermont ... if it wasn't for Ben and Jerry, no one would care
Minnesota ... our name means "Holy S*** is it COLD" in some other language
Nevada ... shouldn't we just change our name to Las Vegas and get it over with?
New Mexico ... um, we're not new anymore, clown
Arkansas ... we're so uncreative, we stole Kansas' name ... um, and put an Ar in the front ... move on already!
West Virginia ... we wear shoes! Honest!

Ok, I think that's enough. Hey, wake up!