Urgh. Welp, this past weekend was a complete and total disaster. Here are a few things that rank on the same scale:

- Paris Hilton on Jeopardy
- Roseanne Barr and a stripper pole
- Richard Simmons as guest host of Hee Haw
- Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes having a baby

What's that? Oh. Ok, then scratch that last one, I s'pose. Now I don't feel so bad.

Anyway, since we're working the bullet form style today, let's list what went wrong. I'm even going to toss in some Batman sounds just for funs ... who doesn't love Batman sounds?

- I completely misread a situation and managed to tick off a woman I was hoping to date. I think. It's sorta hazy. Either I misread it, or she was really rude to me. I guess it doesn't matter either way ... when you end a conversation/argument with "have a nice life" ... yeah. Biff!

- I wrote out a long email to an ex ... yes, I was sober at the time ... unfortunately ... and got no response. Zip. Zero. Bupkis. Blam!

- I spilled my drink ... somewhere. Ok, I don't know this for sure, but I'm betting it happened at some point. Zonk!

- I spent a ridiculous amount of money traveling to Fed Hill and back on Friday night ... all so I could run into absolutely no one that I knew, or talk to any women at all. Toof! Ok, I'm running out of sounds.

It wasn't all awful. I had a great concert before I went out on Saturday night ... I even learned a couple of Peter Gabriel tunes. I managed not to fall down ... I think ... although I did walk all the way home from Admiral's Cup after the misunderstanding nonsense on Saturday night. That's a couple of miles, for those of you scoring at home. I did manage to keep my shoes on the whole way, though. I got some studying done. I increased the profit margins of alcoholic establishments across the city of Baltimore, thus improving the economy. Hmm ... I think I've been studying too much if I care about that.

Ok, so enough of the feeling sorry for myself nonsense. I try to save the unhappy stuff for the website so I can scare the hell out of drive by surfers. Besides, as someone said, time to cut the losses and get movin'. 'Course, there was also a time when I had to wake this person up at the bar to do shots, so ...

Oh, wait, before I leave that, there is one other thing that was somewhat comical. On Sunday, I'm trying to figure out what the hell happened, and I'm sorta vegging on the couch and staring through the TV ... which is fortunate, because I then realized that I had Cocktail on for about 20 minutes. Friggin' Cocktail! Are ya kiddin' me?! You know you've mentally checked out for a bit if you're watching that mess.

Ok, so it appears the new M. Night movie, Lady In The Water, is another dud. Color me bummed, big time. I love M, and I was pretty fired up for this movie. Eh well, I was the only person in the world that liked The Village, so I'll probably like it anyway.

Here's some good comedy. I get up this morning, feed the indoor cats, then go to the back to check on the outdoor ones. I look out, and I see this smaller looking animal drinking from the water from my backyard AC drain. I look a little closer and realize ... it's a rat! In the middle of the morning, in the middle of my backyard, drinking like it's midnight or something. Cripes, those things are bold in the city.

I have a presentation to give in class tonight. Have I ever told you how much I love giving presentations in front of people? Let's just say I love it as much as eating sushi and drinking beer in an ice storm with a stick in my eye on a Monday morning ... at the Aqua Bar. Ok, I don't like it much, how's that?

When does Tuesday start, anyway?