Yeah, yeah, everyone wants the blog. Well, I done been busy, people! I have cat duties, doncha know.
Ok, so updates on the furry situation. Everyone's doing well. Mom's cool with me picking them up and handling them, Dad checks in every now and then, and the li'l midgets are as cute as ... well, as cute as kittens. Duh. They're little tough guys, too. Went to pick them up for the first time, and they all hissed at me. Heh. They're like tiny little water sprinklers. Guess I'm sorta like Godzilla, considering their size and mine. Well, Godzilla without the bad breath and a few less scales.
There are pics of the whole family here if you're interested.
Speaking of cats, that's part of the reason why I've been limping all week. Looks like Blimpy and I have something in common ... except he doesn't limp anymore and I think he eats better than I do. Anyway. Had a couple two/three/five/seven drinks in me last Saturday, and I decided to leave the house via the back door to check on the furs on the way out. Realized after I closed the back door that I forgot something, so I had to go around to the front (I only have a key for the front door - brilliant!). Now, here comes the fun.
I realize when I get to the front door that I've locked the screen door, so I have to break into my own house. Imagine someone my size climbing into the front window of a row home. The great part is not one of my neighbors noticed. If there are any criminals reading this, just ignore that part.
As I get in the window, I jump down and twist my ankle on the landing. I guess I should re-think my career as a gymnast. It hurt. A lot. Even drunk. Never a good sign. So, I'm sitting on the floor grimacing, and the motion detector goes off. Unfortunately, I didn't have a stick in my eye to complete the annoying and painful trifecta. Instead of turning off the alarm, I crawled over to the bottle of Captain and made another drink. Priorities, people!
Another beauty from Saturday night came when I looked at my credit card statements this week. I managed to spend no less than $40 in 4 different establishments. I mean, I go out alone! What the ... ? I do remember buying drinks for the hot chick from the gym and her friend, and I bought a drink for another hottie from the gym and ... uh ... her other friend. Hmm ... I think we have figured out the problem here. I need to stop going to the gym. Problem solved!
Had a softball game Sunday, and I played like Roseanne on crack. Bleh. After it was mercifully over, we went to the Federal Hill Whatever-They-Decided-To-Call-This-Week's-Festival ... uh, festival. I managed to see not one, but two of my exes while I was there. Fabulous. Hey, at least the ice cold stares cooled me down on a hot day. I also saw this hecka hottie who is a friend of a friend (who is also the world's worst wingman, so I'll never meet this woman), who has the same name as a classmate from high school. Kinda threw me for a minute.
Those things are also awesome for people watching. What I saw:
- a dude who looked like a cross between Howard Stern and Ric Ocasek ... very handsome
- lots of boobs ... well, no surprise there ...
- a woman with a shirt on that said "What the duck?" that cracked me up for some reason. Ok, so it was the hot friend of a friend that was wearing it.
- a girl who supposedly looks like Lindsay Lohan ... problem is, I don't know what Lindsay Lohan looks like ... makes it a little tough to compare, doncha know
- Mariah Carey ... I swear it was her in disguise ... see, the best disguise for someone famous is to go somewhere random like that and make yourself look not quite like yourself
By the by, speaking of Mariah Carey, she's lost a ton of weight ... I wonder if she's lost a ton of crazy, too, cuz she's bonkers. Not that that's a bad thing ... the crazy ones are the best in ... um, ah, never mind.
Ok, so updates on the furry situation. Everyone's doing well. Mom's cool with me picking them up and handling them, Dad checks in every now and then, and the li'l midgets are as cute as ... well, as cute as kittens. Duh. They're little tough guys, too. Went to pick them up for the first time, and they all hissed at me. Heh. They're like tiny little water sprinklers. Guess I'm sorta like Godzilla, considering their size and mine. Well, Godzilla without the bad breath and a few less scales.
There are pics of the whole family here if you're interested.
Speaking of cats, that's part of the reason why I've been limping all week. Looks like Blimpy and I have something in common ... except he doesn't limp anymore and I think he eats better than I do. Anyway. Had a couple two/three/five/seven drinks in me last Saturday, and I decided to leave the house via the back door to check on the furs on the way out. Realized after I closed the back door that I forgot something, so I had to go around to the front (I only have a key for the front door - brilliant!). Now, here comes the fun.
I realize when I get to the front door that I've locked the screen door, so I have to break into my own house. Imagine someone my size climbing into the front window of a row home. The great part is not one of my neighbors noticed. If there are any criminals reading this, just ignore that part.
As I get in the window, I jump down and twist my ankle on the landing. I guess I should re-think my career as a gymnast. It hurt. A lot. Even drunk. Never a good sign. So, I'm sitting on the floor grimacing, and the motion detector goes off. Unfortunately, I didn't have a stick in my eye to complete the annoying and painful trifecta. Instead of turning off the alarm, I crawled over to the bottle of Captain and made another drink. Priorities, people!
Another beauty from Saturday night came when I looked at my credit card statements this week. I managed to spend no less than $40 in 4 different establishments. I mean, I go out alone! What the ... ? I do remember buying drinks for the hot chick from the gym and her friend, and I bought a drink for another hottie from the gym and ... uh ... her other friend. Hmm ... I think we have figured out the problem here. I need to stop going to the gym. Problem solved!
Had a softball game Sunday, and I played like Roseanne on crack. Bleh. After it was mercifully over, we went to the Federal Hill Whatever-They-Decided-To-Call-This-Week's-Festival ... uh, festival. I managed to see not one, but two of my exes while I was there. Fabulous. Hey, at least the ice cold stares cooled me down on a hot day. I also saw this hecka hottie who is a friend of a friend (who is also the world's worst wingman, so I'll never meet this woman), who has the same name as a classmate from high school. Kinda threw me for a minute.
Those things are also awesome for people watching. What I saw:
- a dude who looked like a cross between Howard Stern and Ric Ocasek ... very handsome
- lots of boobs ... well, no surprise there ...
- a woman with a shirt on that said "What the duck?" that cracked me up for some reason. Ok, so it was the hot friend of a friend that was wearing it.
- a girl who supposedly looks like Lindsay Lohan ... problem is, I don't know what Lindsay Lohan looks like ... makes it a little tough to compare, doncha know
- Mariah Carey ... I swear it was her in disguise ... see, the best disguise for someone famous is to go somewhere random like that and make yourself look not quite like yourself
By the by, speaking of Mariah Carey, she's lost a ton of weight ... I wonder if she's lost a ton of crazy, too, cuz she's bonkers. Not that that's a bad thing ... the crazy ones are the best in ... um, ah, never mind.
posted by AxnJxn at 10:11 AM
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