Whew. A very tiring weekend, but strangely productive in a few ways. As for Friday, let's just say this is a recipe for disaster:
1 part ride to a party in BFE with a girl
mix in 1 part argument with said girl upon arrival
1 part leave party in BFE ticked off, and realize you have no idea where you are other than being in Catonsville somewhere
fold in 1 part no coat
add 1 part freezing cold
1 part 3:00 am
1 part call a cab and wait 30 minutes for it to arrive in said freezing cold
1 part $25 cab ride home
Stir and serve chilled
Yeah. My advice - don't ever make that concoction ... unless, of course, you're into pain and little sleep.
Oh, and 1 part foot-in-mouth disease from earlier in the night. I saw a guy I used to play softball with, and I asked him how his hottie wife was doing. I think those were my exact words. I'm very classy sometimes. I watched in slow motion as his face fell, and he informed me that they got divorced a few months ago. Yeah. Friday was quite the evening all around.
Saturday, my buddy Damon came into town. We headed to Looney's for the 5:00 football game, and were good and drunk by the end of the game. It's not really the best sign when you stop for just a second, look at the table where you are sitting, and realize that it is filled with empty drink glasses. Oofa. Damon also likes to bum smokes off people. Now, the first one, he bummed off this attractive woman (yeah, I know - what the hell was an attractive woman doing in Looney's?), which helped me to start a bit of a convo with her. So, being the brilliant wing man he is, Damon then starts bumming smokes off of some dude. Um, hello? Hot girl here, chance to talk to her every time you bum a smoke. Jeez. I might have to write a wing man manual or something.
After a quick stop home, we headed to Fell's, which was incredibly average. Basically, a waste of a cab ride. Actually, I'm not sure if the Horse was good or not. As we were walking in, I see Argument Girl from the previous night sitting at the bar. Of all the gin mills in the world, she shows up at the Horse. Figures. I literally pulled Damon out of the Horse when I saw her, and grabbed a cab. As we were on the way back to Canton, Damon informed me that his night was complete, and he was ready for bed. Time check was around 10:30. Naturally, I was nowhere close to being done, so I set Damon up with some water, the leftover nachos from Looney's, and the remote and headed back out.
Hold onto your seats, cuz this will be a huge surprise - I stopped at Portside! Imagine my dismay when I found out they were closed for a private party. But, hey, that's what they make the side door for, right? Upon undercover sneaky entry, I realized that (1) I was underdressed (people had ties on fer chrissakes! It's Saturday night in Canton!), (2) I was possibly the least drunk person there and (3) a beautiful woman had just walked by and I recognized her. After the requisite hour to remember who she was, and a couple of interesting side conversations with friendly drunks, I went over, said hello, and had the most fascinating conversation. It went something like this:
Me: Hey, didn't you used to work at such and such gym?
She: Yes, I did.
Me: Ah! So [noting dude standing next to her], is this the boyfriend?
She: No.
Me: Is there a boyfriend?
She: No.
Me: Cool! Can I get your number?
Yup, I'm as subtle as a sledgehammer. Once you acquire the number of a beautiful woman, you are officially allowed to end the night, which is what I did. A grand exit, indeed.
A couple of other interesting things happened during the weekend:
- I'm at Petco. I walk up to the register, and it's kinda crowded. I hear "I can take the next person on Register Hamster". I look up, and realize that the registers don't have numbers, they have pictures of animals. So, you can have Register Dog, Register Cat, Register Boll Weevil, you get the gist. I think corporate probably made that up so their employees feel like idiots. I know that's how I felt walking up to "Register Hamster".
- Stopped into the mattress store to look at ... you guessed it ... mattresses! As I'm in there, this attractive woman comes in and starts trying them out. You know, she's bouncing around, testing out all the sleeping ... um ... positions, and so forth. I then realize it's pretty much impossible to watch such a scene without having some really interesting thoughts. 'Course, I also managed to drag out the memory of Rebecca DeMorney in Risky Business trying out the mattresses. Yeah!
A very strange occurrence happened in my house the other day. I got up and went to brush my teeth, and my toothbrush was missing. There are a couple of possible culprits here:
- Cat #1
- Cat #2
- stuffed gorilla that sits on my speaker
- stuffed rabbit that sits on my bookcase
- intruder
Since nothing else was missing from my house, and I have a motion detector, I don't think it was an intruder. Besides, who would climb in a second story window to steal a toothbrush? Well, who other than the Cavity Creeps would?
I'm thinking it's Cat #1. He's always jumping up on the sink. I used to think it was to play with the water, but I realize now it's been this sinister plot to steal my toothbrush. He's been casing the medicine cabinet, like Kojak. Li'l twerp. Let's see what happens when I hide his litter.
Went into the bathroom at work, and tried to get one of these motion detector things to work so that the toilet would flush. I dunno what the deal is with these things, but I must not have MD Karma (that's motion detector karma for those not hip to be square), because I was doing everything I could to get this thing to work, and nuttin'. I'm waving at it, slapping it, barking at it, I think I even did the Macarena at one point. Then, I noticed the little manual button to the right of the detector. Yeah. I haven't been mistaken for smart in a long time.
Had a mellow rock concert on Thursday night. I was playing some Springsteen, and then I did some Sheryl Crow. I had the entire crowd lighting their lighters and swaying to "Home". It was quite the show ... in my head.
RIP Chris Whitley. Just found out that he passed a few weeks ago. Go get Living With The Law if you want to hear some really good music, or contact my friend Sherith, and she'll explain to you just how incredible this dude was.
1 part ride to a party in BFE with a girl
mix in 1 part argument with said girl upon arrival
1 part leave party in BFE ticked off, and realize you have no idea where you are other than being in Catonsville somewhere
fold in 1 part no coat
add 1 part freezing cold
1 part 3:00 am
1 part call a cab and wait 30 minutes for it to arrive in said freezing cold
1 part $25 cab ride home
Stir and serve chilled
Yeah. My advice - don't ever make that concoction ... unless, of course, you're into pain and little sleep.
Oh, and 1 part foot-in-mouth disease from earlier in the night. I saw a guy I used to play softball with, and I asked him how his hottie wife was doing. I think those were my exact words. I'm very classy sometimes. I watched in slow motion as his face fell, and he informed me that they got divorced a few months ago. Yeah. Friday was quite the evening all around.
Saturday, my buddy Damon came into town. We headed to Looney's for the 5:00 football game, and were good and drunk by the end of the game. It's not really the best sign when you stop for just a second, look at the table where you are sitting, and realize that it is filled with empty drink glasses. Oofa. Damon also likes to bum smokes off people. Now, the first one, he bummed off this attractive woman (yeah, I know - what the hell was an attractive woman doing in Looney's?), which helped me to start a bit of a convo with her. So, being the brilliant wing man he is, Damon then starts bumming smokes off of some dude. Um, hello? Hot girl here, chance to talk to her every time you bum a smoke. Jeez. I might have to write a wing man manual or something.
After a quick stop home, we headed to Fell's, which was incredibly average. Basically, a waste of a cab ride. Actually, I'm not sure if the Horse was good or not. As we were walking in, I see Argument Girl from the previous night sitting at the bar. Of all the gin mills in the world, she shows up at the Horse. Figures. I literally pulled Damon out of the Horse when I saw her, and grabbed a cab. As we were on the way back to Canton, Damon informed me that his night was complete, and he was ready for bed. Time check was around 10:30. Naturally, I was nowhere close to being done, so I set Damon up with some water, the leftover nachos from Looney's, and the remote and headed back out.
Hold onto your seats, cuz this will be a huge surprise - I stopped at Portside! Imagine my dismay when I found out they were closed for a private party. But, hey, that's what they make the side door for, right? Upon undercover sneaky entry, I realized that (1) I was underdressed (people had ties on fer chrissakes! It's Saturday night in Canton!), (2) I was possibly the least drunk person there and (3) a beautiful woman had just walked by and I recognized her. After the requisite hour to remember who she was, and a couple of interesting side conversations with friendly drunks, I went over, said hello, and had the most fascinating conversation. It went something like this:
Me: Hey, didn't you used to work at such and such gym?
She: Yes, I did.
Me: Ah! So [noting dude standing next to her], is this the boyfriend?
She: No.
Me: Is there a boyfriend?
She: No.
Me: Cool! Can I get your number?
Yup, I'm as subtle as a sledgehammer. Once you acquire the number of a beautiful woman, you are officially allowed to end the night, which is what I did. A grand exit, indeed.
A couple of other interesting things happened during the weekend:
- I'm at Petco. I walk up to the register, and it's kinda crowded. I hear "I can take the next person on Register Hamster". I look up, and realize that the registers don't have numbers, they have pictures of animals. So, you can have Register Dog, Register Cat, Register Boll Weevil, you get the gist. I think corporate probably made that up so their employees feel like idiots. I know that's how I felt walking up to "Register Hamster".
- Stopped into the mattress store to look at ... you guessed it ... mattresses! As I'm in there, this attractive woman comes in and starts trying them out. You know, she's bouncing around, testing out all the sleeping ... um ... positions, and so forth. I then realize it's pretty much impossible to watch such a scene without having some really interesting thoughts. 'Course, I also managed to drag out the memory of Rebecca DeMorney in Risky Business trying out the mattresses. Yeah!
A very strange occurrence happened in my house the other day. I got up and went to brush my teeth, and my toothbrush was missing. There are a couple of possible culprits here:
- Cat #1
- Cat #2
- stuffed gorilla that sits on my speaker
- stuffed rabbit that sits on my bookcase
- intruder
Since nothing else was missing from my house, and I have a motion detector, I don't think it was an intruder. Besides, who would climb in a second story window to steal a toothbrush? Well, who other than the Cavity Creeps would?
I'm thinking it's Cat #1. He's always jumping up on the sink. I used to think it was to play with the water, but I realize now it's been this sinister plot to steal my toothbrush. He's been casing the medicine cabinet, like Kojak. Li'l twerp. Let's see what happens when I hide his litter.
Went into the bathroom at work, and tried to get one of these motion detector things to work so that the toilet would flush. I dunno what the deal is with these things, but I must not have MD Karma (that's motion detector karma for those not hip to be square), because I was doing everything I could to get this thing to work, and nuttin'. I'm waving at it, slapping it, barking at it, I think I even did the Macarena at one point. Then, I noticed the little manual button to the right of the detector. Yeah. I haven't been mistaken for smart in a long time.
Had a mellow rock concert on Thursday night. I was playing some Springsteen, and then I did some Sheryl Crow. I had the entire crowd lighting their lighters and swaying to "Home". It was quite the show ... in my head.
RIP Chris Whitley. Just found out that he passed a few weeks ago. Go get Living With The Law if you want to hear some really good music, or contact my friend Sherith, and she'll explain to you just how incredible this dude was.
posted by AxnJxn at 7:30 AM
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