[Deep breath]

A'ight, so everyone's been clamoring for the Vegas blog. Well, to be honest ... ... ... ...
make sure you're sitting down now ... ... ... Vegas kinda sucked. Yeah, I know, it's hard to believe that a fool like me that enjoys debauchery and drinking could have a bad time in Vegas, but it happened. Here's what I learned:

- it's really hard to win at blackjack with 13s and 15s
- losing at blackjack sucks
- losing sucks
- free drinks don't taste quite as good when you lose
- did I mention that losing sucks?
- sucking at blackjack sucks

Ok, so we'll come back to the Vegas part. The Grand Canyon was friggin' AWESOME! I've put a couple of pics up on Myspace, and I'm going to try to get a synopsis and pics up on my second webpage. I got some great pics and even got a really cool video of the canyon just after sunset, when it turned kinda purple. I'll save the smarmy stuff for the webpage, because some funny stuff did happen on the trip.

Let's take a dip through some of the bad things that happened, cuz there were so many of them, it got to be hilarious.

- A'ight, so I lost at blackjack. It was so bad that at one point, I was sitting at a table and I actually won a hand, and everyone cheered. I immediately got up and bowed to the table, the dealer, and to a couple of people passing by. Yeah, I was a little tipsy. I then tipped the dealer $5 and proceeded to return to losing.

- I saw a hooker! Yeah, I know, that sounds dumb as hell when you're in Vegas, but I'm just not very good at spotting hookers. I guess that's not a bad thing, unless you're on the Hooker Dating Game or something. Anyway, so I'm sitting at the blackjack table with this Slavic blonde lady, and this old dude comes up with some girl who looked about 12. She was sporting her best pink sweatsuit, and had a Huster shirt on. I looked at the Slavic chick, tipped my head and the two of them, and started laughing. Then, the dealer carded her, which cracked me up again. The old dude wasn't amused, until I asked the dealer why she wasn't carding the old dude. He laughed and the dealer got pissed. Tough crowd.

- At that same table, after Mr. Lucky and his hookin' daughter left, this Russian dude pulled up. Now, Vladimir was completely and totally blitzed, and he had all these chips in his hand. Not only that, but he had pretty much every denomination of chip available - everything from a $5 to $1000. Before each hand, he'd stare at his hand, shuffle the chips around, and come up with a random combination. It was awesome. On one hand, he bet $15, on another, it was something like $1135. I thought about following him around in case he just happened to drop a chip or two.

- So, my hotel completely hosed me out of a workout. I went to the fitness center, which was supposed to be an amenity, and was told it would be $25 to work out. This was the exchange on that situation:

She: Hi
Me: Hi, uh, where's the fitness center?
She: Right back there (points). It's $25 for one day, or $65 for a 3 day pass.
Me: Um ... uh ... (rattles head) ... what was that again?
She: (Rambles off idiotic pricing scale again)
Me: It's supposed to be an amenity and part of my package. Is there a charge for the pool?
She: No.
Me: (blank stare) ... but there's a charge for the fitness center?
She: Yes.

Yeah, that was pretty much the gist of my stay in Vegas. They also charged me twice for the same movie. Ok, so usually that's not a big deal, but it's a little nerve wracking when it's a Vivid movie, and you have to call and bring their attention to it. Heh. I also forgot a pair of jeans there and missed my flight home. Wahoo! In retrospect, I probably should've just saved the money and bought a date with Sarah Jessica Parker or bought the entire bar a round at Portside.

As a final act of indignity, when I got back, I managed to wash my mini notebook that I use to jot things down that I think are funny. Needless to say, notebooks that are washed and dried aren't quite as useful once that process is complete. Yeah.

I do remember this, though. So, everyone's at the Grand Canyon, chilling (literally), and waiting for the sun to set, which was about 10 minutes away. Luckily, I was standing near these idiot Australian folks, and I got to hear their conversation. It went something like this:

Roit! So, I don't like wine, but I'll drink it if it's free!
Crikey! You'll boot everywhere!
Roit!
Roit! You booted last night, too! Crikey!
Roit!
Here! Now that's a knife!
Yeah! One what?

Ok, so the last two lines were from Crocodile Dundee, but you get the idea. Friggin' Aussies. I mean, I love Men At Work, INXS, and Nicole Kidman, but those folks at the GC were yahoos.

I had Thanksgiving dinner at the Canyon Cafe. I'm not sure there's a more appropriately named joint. Yeah. Visualize the Canyon Cafe, and you're pretty much going to be right on.

I also went to see Walk The Line while in Vegas. The actual movie itself was about a B, but Joaquin Phoenix was simply amazing, and Reese Witherspoon wasn't far behind. One of the better opening scenes in a movie, too. Check it.

One other quick note - they just built another Starbucks in Canton. The beauty? This baby is right outside the Safeway which has a friggin' Starbucks inside! I mean, I'm expecting to wake up one morning and find a Starbucks in my kitchen. It's coming, I'm telling ya.