Bring on some mofo snow, yo! A teacher friend of mine sent me an email which noted that one of the kids in her class had a recipe to make it snow. It was something about putting two ice cubes in the toilet, and then putting his PJs on backwards or something like that. So, I'm going to the liquor store, buying a monster bag of ice, and hanging out in my bathroom tonight.
Hey, if I get a snow day tomorrow, it's triple fun:
1) I have HBO now, so I actually have something to watch
2) I'm within walking distance to the bars
3) Said bars are generally hecka crazy on snow days ... hecka!
I think #3 has to do with teachers. See, teachers see a lot of snow and they immediately rush out to get tanked. Doesn't even matter if it's a weekend or not. I think it's genetic or something.
Funniest thing I've heard in some time: "Who needs a bowl you can't eat?" I'm still chuckling over that one, thanks to JB. Yup, no one else has found it funny yet. Punks.
Ok, I have a new invention. I have TIVO, so I rarely watch commercials - I'm usually zipping through them. Now, most red-blooded American males like myself will definitely stop for commercials if there's one thing present - hot chicks. So, if I'm the TIVO people, I develop a little symbol that pops up when you're fast forwarding through commercials that alerts men when there are hotsos and stuff present. Actually, you could come up with a number of symbols:
- a little cleavage symbol for hotsos, girls in bikinis, "Girls Gone Wild" ads, and anything involving the Palms casino or the movie "Showgirls"
- a shoe for shopping for the ladies
- a bottle of booze for alkies
- a burger for food junkies
Plus, this is now in writing, you TIVO bastards, lest you think you can steal my idea. HA!
In case you're wondering, here are my other brilliant invention ideas:
- The Bed Brush ... for those of us too lazy to wash our sheets on a regular basis, it's a brush to clean the bed. It's foam, and it gets rid of peanuts, used and unused condoms, litter, and cracker crumbs, among other things people have in their beds. Maybe it would have an extender handle, to get rid of the previous night's hookup. I could go on, but I'll spare you.
- The Multiple Card Organizer ... this one's really exciting. Dunno about you, but when we go out to eat in groups, everyone seems to have $20s, and there's always a couple of people who want to use their credit cards. Well, the MCO has a number of slots for the cards, and an area where you can write how much to put on each card. It looks the same as the usual check book thingy, it just has more slots and the writing area. I actually pursued this one for a bit, then I lost interest. Kinda like the women in my life. Ha!
- I'm pretty sure someone has invented heated toilet seats, but I can't seem to find any. So, if it hasn't been invented, that's my next one.
- Kraft actually stole my idea for Waffle Crisp, but they screwed it all up (actually, that's not a joke, but it's a long story). You make a cereal of little tiny Eggos, and put a spot of syrup in the middle. You can do blueberry and strawberry, too. Brilliant!
I've been getting this magazine Blender. I didn't order it or anything, it just started showing up one day, and it's pretty much garbage on slick paper. Put it to you this way - Ashlee Simpson is on the latest cover. Put it to you this way part II ... if Ashlee Simpson was on every pint of Ben and Jerry's, or gracing all of the cookie packages of the world, I'd be a whole lot thinner.
Have I mentioned that I'm in love with Danni from Survivor yet? I have? Eh, well I am. So there.
The Three Stooges were back in the gym today! Long time, no see. They've added a fourth Stooge, too. I guess that's Schempf.
Speaking of the gym, there's a woman in there who might be in the best shape of any woman I've ever seen in person, and she drives me nuts ... in a bad way. I was in there the other day, and I forgot my iPod. Big mistake. Unfortunately, I got on a bike in front of her and got to listen to her SING nice and loud the entire time. What's worse, she was really, really bad at it. Things like that make me really wonder what the hell is wrong with people. I mean, that goes way past 10 on the Inconsiderate Scale. She's pretty much a fool in general in the gym, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
Hey, is it snowing yet, yo? Yo! Yo?!
Hey, if I get a snow day tomorrow, it's triple fun:
1) I have HBO now, so I actually have something to watch
2) I'm within walking distance to the bars
3) Said bars are generally hecka crazy on snow days ... hecka!
I think #3 has to do with teachers. See, teachers see a lot of snow and they immediately rush out to get tanked. Doesn't even matter if it's a weekend or not. I think it's genetic or something.
Funniest thing I've heard in some time: "Who needs a bowl you can't eat?" I'm still chuckling over that one, thanks to JB. Yup, no one else has found it funny yet. Punks.
Ok, I have a new invention. I have TIVO, so I rarely watch commercials - I'm usually zipping through them. Now, most red-blooded American males like myself will definitely stop for commercials if there's one thing present - hot chicks. So, if I'm the TIVO people, I develop a little symbol that pops up when you're fast forwarding through commercials that alerts men when there are hotsos and stuff present. Actually, you could come up with a number of symbols:
- a little cleavage symbol for hotsos, girls in bikinis, "Girls Gone Wild" ads, and anything involving the Palms casino or the movie "Showgirls"
- a shoe for shopping for the ladies
- a bottle of booze for alkies
- a burger for food junkies
Plus, this is now in writing, you TIVO bastards, lest you think you can steal my idea. HA!
In case you're wondering, here are my other brilliant invention ideas:
- The Bed Brush ... for those of us too lazy to wash our sheets on a regular basis, it's a brush to clean the bed. It's foam, and it gets rid of peanuts, used and unused condoms, litter, and cracker crumbs, among other things people have in their beds. Maybe it would have an extender handle, to get rid of the previous night's hookup. I could go on, but I'll spare you.
- The Multiple Card Organizer ... this one's really exciting. Dunno about you, but when we go out to eat in groups, everyone seems to have $20s, and there's always a couple of people who want to use their credit cards. Well, the MCO has a number of slots for the cards, and an area where you can write how much to put on each card. It looks the same as the usual check book thingy, it just has more slots and the writing area. I actually pursued this one for a bit, then I lost interest. Kinda like the women in my life. Ha!
- I'm pretty sure someone has invented heated toilet seats, but I can't seem to find any. So, if it hasn't been invented, that's my next one.
- Kraft actually stole my idea for Waffle Crisp, but they screwed it all up (actually, that's not a joke, but it's a long story). You make a cereal of little tiny Eggos, and put a spot of syrup in the middle. You can do blueberry and strawberry, too. Brilliant!
I've been getting this magazine Blender. I didn't order it or anything, it just started showing up one day, and it's pretty much garbage on slick paper. Put it to you this way - Ashlee Simpson is on the latest cover. Put it to you this way part II ... if Ashlee Simpson was on every pint of Ben and Jerry's, or gracing all of the cookie packages of the world, I'd be a whole lot thinner.
Have I mentioned that I'm in love with Danni from Survivor yet? I have? Eh, well I am. So there.
The Three Stooges were back in the gym today! Long time, no see. They've added a fourth Stooge, too. I guess that's Schempf.
Speaking of the gym, there's a woman in there who might be in the best shape of any woman I've ever seen in person, and she drives me nuts ... in a bad way. I was in there the other day, and I forgot my iPod. Big mistake. Unfortunately, I got on a bike in front of her and got to listen to her SING nice and loud the entire time. What's worse, she was really, really bad at it. Things like that make me really wonder what the hell is wrong with people. I mean, that goes way past 10 on the Inconsiderate Scale. She's pretty much a fool in general in the gym, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
Hey, is it snowing yet, yo? Yo! Yo?!
posted by AxnJxn at 1:38 PM
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