Talk about an ominous beginning to a day. I woke up this morning with "Dancing Queen" by Abba in my head. I keep expecting a piano to fall on my head or something. Oh, here's a secret ... when I was in sixth grade, I almost got kicked out of class for dancing to that song. Explains a lot, eh?

I forgot one fine little tidbit from this weekend that was somewhat comical. On Saturday night, I was getting ready for bed, and figured I'd take out my contacts. I stuck my finger in my eye not once, but TWICE, and finally realized that I had already taken them out. Sharp!

So, the hot neighbor had a sex toy party last night. I thought about drilling a hole in the wall and being a perv, but I'm not a perv. Ok, ok, I'm not that bad of a perv. Ok, FINE, I couldn't find my drill! Anyway ... actually, I don't have anything more to add here ... at least without sounding like a perv.

Speaking of pervs, Tom Cruise is starting to scare me quite a bit. This latest thing with Katie Whatshername not being able to scream while she's giving birth. Uh ... WTF? I think it's offically time to replace crazy with Cruise. Uses:

You're f-ing Cruise, you know that?!
I would've slept with her, but she's a little Cruise. Dude, the Cruise ones are the best in bed!
That Tom Cruise, he sure is Cruise!
It's Cruise glue! It'll bond anything!

Wanna know what the opposite of rocket science is? Making microwave popcorn. Hell, most microwaves even have a button for it. You put it in, push the button, and wait for your maize to cook. That's it. Yet people screw it up every ... single ... day. MO-rons.

For those that have access to high speed internet, like T1s and whatnot ... ever notice how incredibly impatient you are with them. I mean, if I go to a site and it doesn't load in 2.9 seconds, I'm friggin' outta there!

Lauren told me a story about this dude who plays beer pong ... by himself. Uh ... here's a thought ... how about just drinking? I need a shaking head emoticon or something here.

I tried soy milk this week. I have no idea why, so just save the lecture. 'Course, I couldn't try the regular stuff when there's a vanilla version right next to it. It tastes like vanilla flavoring on corn stalks. Very, very odd. I might have to throw some Captain in it to see if that helps.

So, I'm at the gym last night, and there's this hottie on the treadmill next to me. Actually, she might be one of the Stooges, but I'm not positive of that. Hey, I never said the Stooges aren't hot, so there. Anyway, so she gets off the thing, and a few minutes later, I finish up and realize she's dropped her headphones. Perfect opportunity, right? I mean, I'm the nice guy, giving her headphones back, and maybe we stumble into a conversation about sex. Heh. Ok, ok, so I have high hopes. Well, she apparently bee-lined right for the door, because I couldn't find her anywhere. Crimeny.

I'm off to Little Saigon tonight ... details in the next blog ...