Ok, ladies, here's a sure fire way to get me to talk on you when I'm out. Be petite, hot, drunk, and grab my ass. That method worked like a charm for some li'l darlin' in Portside on Saturday. 'Course, she then proceeded to tell me that she had a boyfriend. In the WTF? category, that baby is in the top 2, right behind drive in liquor stores.
As if it couldn't get worse than that, it did. Her sister came over, and she was even hotter ... and single. I think I put a list of the impossible pickup situations a number of blogs back. Well, I think I left out hitting on the hotter sister after you've already hit on the other sister and failed. That would be relatively high on the impossible list, right behind the Olsen twins going to an all-you-can-eat buffet and Angelina dumping Brad to come hang with me.
I actually stayed in on Friday (gasp!) and watched Corpse Bride. Man, I absolutely loved that movie. I liked it so much, I woke up on Saturday and watched it again. Don't even start! I do understand that I have too much time on my hands ... which is why I've started playing The Sims again.
If you haven't played The Sims ... well, it's kinda dumb. Basically, it's a video game where you create characters and build little lives for them. I got sorta hooked on it a few years ago, and then I realized that I could be building my own life instead of these dumb li'l characters on a computer screen. Well, I'm sorta hooked again, although not as bad. Now, I'm just doing silly things. F'rinstance, I invited this dude and his wife over, starting flirting with her, and then proposed to her ... and it worked! In Sims Land, I'm now a bigamist. Dag ... I should've named my character Joseph Smith. That's a Mormon joke for those that get Mormons.
Frizzle! I forgot to tell ya'll about The Mormon at Deep Creek! First of all, I don't think she liked me much. She was likely one of the people we kept up on Friday night with our rock concert/drunk singalong thingy. So, anyway, I'm being hecka obnoxious on Saturday afternoon, and she's sitting on the couch reading some book about ... um ... Mormons ... or how to not have any fun on a Friday or ... hell, I dunno what she was reading. Anyway, I kept bugging her, and I decided that her name was going to be The Mormon for the rest of the weekend, complete with capital letters like that. She REALLY didn't like me after that, but it's fun to still think about it.
And for you Mormons out there who are offended, I went to my junior prom with a Mormon. Shockingly enough, I did not get lucky.
Back to the idiocy. Another bonus at Portside ... the woman I hooked up with a few weeks back who conveniently forgot to tell me she had a boyfriend was there ... with the boyfriend! Talk about your awkward situations, especially considering that he was wearing a shirt that would've looked good on a clown. Actually, I played it pretty cool, probably because I was on my 23rd drink or so.
One final bonus was Miss Cherie showing up at her usual time of sometime past midnight. Actually, according to my vision at the time, there were 3 of her, but I'm pretty sure she's only one woman. She also managed not to get sick on anyone, too. Ha! I'm gonna get punched for that one. The rest of the night was spent frolicking around in Brewer's Hill with someone who has a cool house ... except that it really needs a couple of felines in it. Felines, people, are the key to serenity. Hey, I just made that up!
I caused some woman to bust out laughing at the gym the other night. No, I didn't drop my shorts ... I was jumping rope in this corner area when the yoga class let out. Now, these yoga folks all use those bouncy balls which seem to be all the rage in the gym these days.
A quick aside ... every time I look at these balls, I think of those things we had as kids which looked like a fat donkey. It was a big bouncy ball with a donkey head and ears. You grabbed the ears, sat on it, and went to town in Bounce Land. Remember those? Ok, so I'm the only one that remembers those things. Fine. Punks.
Anyway, so she's the first out of the room and she comes walking towards me. A couple of people follow her out, and I say "Oh no, here come the balls." I thought she was going to pop a hernia, she was laughing so hard. I still don't really get what was so funny.
How disturbing is it that on Monday, I was planning what I was going to wear out this weekend?
I watched this show on MTV tonight about these three different dudes that were doing steroids for different reasons. Lemme tell ya one thing ... if I ever get to the point where one of my buddies is poking me in the bare ass with a needle just so's I can win a strip contest at a club ... yeah. I think I'm going to stick with drinking and having hot women with boyfriends feel me up when I'm not looking. It's a lot less painful, and there's no backne.
As if it couldn't get worse than that, it did. Her sister came over, and she was even hotter ... and single. I think I put a list of the impossible pickup situations a number of blogs back. Well, I think I left out hitting on the hotter sister after you've already hit on the other sister and failed. That would be relatively high on the impossible list, right behind the Olsen twins going to an all-you-can-eat buffet and Angelina dumping Brad to come hang with me.
I actually stayed in on Friday (gasp!) and watched Corpse Bride. Man, I absolutely loved that movie. I liked it so much, I woke up on Saturday and watched it again. Don't even start! I do understand that I have too much time on my hands ... which is why I've started playing The Sims again.
If you haven't played The Sims ... well, it's kinda dumb. Basically, it's a video game where you create characters and build little lives for them. I got sorta hooked on it a few years ago, and then I realized that I could be building my own life instead of these dumb li'l characters on a computer screen. Well, I'm sorta hooked again, although not as bad. Now, I'm just doing silly things. F'rinstance, I invited this dude and his wife over, starting flirting with her, and then proposed to her ... and it worked! In Sims Land, I'm now a bigamist. Dag ... I should've named my character Joseph Smith. That's a Mormon joke for those that get Mormons.
Frizzle! I forgot to tell ya'll about The Mormon at Deep Creek! First of all, I don't think she liked me much. She was likely one of the people we kept up on Friday night with our rock concert/drunk singalong thingy. So, anyway, I'm being hecka obnoxious on Saturday afternoon, and she's sitting on the couch reading some book about ... um ... Mormons ... or how to not have any fun on a Friday or ... hell, I dunno what she was reading. Anyway, I kept bugging her, and I decided that her name was going to be The Mormon for the rest of the weekend, complete with capital letters like that. She REALLY didn't like me after that, but it's fun to still think about it.
And for you Mormons out there who are offended, I went to my junior prom with a Mormon. Shockingly enough, I did not get lucky.
Back to the idiocy. Another bonus at Portside ... the woman I hooked up with a few weeks back who conveniently forgot to tell me she had a boyfriend was there ... with the boyfriend! Talk about your awkward situations, especially considering that he was wearing a shirt that would've looked good on a clown. Actually, I played it pretty cool, probably because I was on my 23rd drink or so.
One final bonus was Miss Cherie showing up at her usual time of sometime past midnight. Actually, according to my vision at the time, there were 3 of her, but I'm pretty sure she's only one woman. She also managed not to get sick on anyone, too. Ha! I'm gonna get punched for that one. The rest of the night was spent frolicking around in Brewer's Hill with someone who has a cool house ... except that it really needs a couple of felines in it. Felines, people, are the key to serenity. Hey, I just made that up!
I caused some woman to bust out laughing at the gym the other night. No, I didn't drop my shorts ... I was jumping rope in this corner area when the yoga class let out. Now, these yoga folks all use those bouncy balls which seem to be all the rage in the gym these days.
A quick aside ... every time I look at these balls, I think of those things we had as kids which looked like a fat donkey. It was a big bouncy ball with a donkey head and ears. You grabbed the ears, sat on it, and went to town in Bounce Land. Remember those? Ok, so I'm the only one that remembers those things. Fine. Punks.
Anyway, so she's the first out of the room and she comes walking towards me. A couple of people follow her out, and I say "Oh no, here come the balls." I thought she was going to pop a hernia, she was laughing so hard. I still don't really get what was so funny.
How disturbing is it that on Monday, I was planning what I was going to wear out this weekend?
I watched this show on MTV tonight about these three different dudes that were doing steroids for different reasons. Lemme tell ya one thing ... if I ever get to the point where one of my buddies is poking me in the bare ass with a needle just so's I can win a strip contest at a club ... yeah. I think I'm going to stick with drinking and having hot women with boyfriends feel me up when I'm not looking. It's a lot less painful, and there's no backne.
posted by AxnJxn at 7:31 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home