Yumma humma! That there was a weekend, people. Let's begin, shall we?
Friday. I pick up my friend Lori at the airport. She's flown in all the way from Minnesota to drink. Ok, ok, she was visiting friends as well, but we all have our priorities in life. I pick her up with the mini bar in action - a 1.75 of the good Captain, and a 2 liter each of regular and Diet Coke. Pretty good ratio there if you ask me. See, problem here is that I lost a bet to Lori when I was in Minnesota, so I have to make her drinks for her the ... entire ... weekend. Cripes.
We head off to Frederick to pick up other friends. The beauty of this pick up is that I will no longer be driving, so I can put full attention on my drinking. Hey, we all know that it's important for me to concentrate. So, by the time we arrive at Deep Creek, 4 of the 5 of us are pretty well sacked. Sacked in a good way, but sacked. Drunk. Hammered. Waffled. Plastered. You get the idea.
Within 5 minutes of arrival, I manage to pull off the smartest move in the history of ... uh ... moves. I negotiate my way into sleeping in a room with 5 women. No boys, just 5 women. I mean, I couldn't be in a better situation if I was making out with Angelina and holding a full Pez dispenser. The only drawback is that I'm sleeping in the closet, but there's 48 hours to fix that.
The night seemed to go by in a really fast blur after that. I remember hitting the hot tub for a bit, hitting the pool, lots of drinks, and a shot or two ... uh, or four. Six? Hmm. 'Round about 3 or 4 am or so, I break out the guitar. It's time to play Drunken Rock Star! Fortunately, I have a handful of willing participants, and the living room arena is right dead center in the middle of the house. Lemme tell ya, the rest of the house, that being them there folks unfortunate enough to be trying to sleep ... loved us! I heard this sorta comment at least 5 times the next day: "Uh, hey, how about tonight ya'll do that in the pool area?" Classic.
We were quite the singers, though, lemme tell ya. At one point, I played "I've Been Everywhere" by Johnny Cash, and we made up our own cities. You know, Glen Burnie, Baltimore, Frederick, Columbia, Owings Mills, etc. All sung slightly off key and a tad off beat. We also had a bit of trouble remembering the words to the songs, so we sorta made up our own lyrics.
At around 4:30 or so, my buddy Steve decides he needs to take a few laps in the pool. A bit of an odd idea ... even more odd when you factor in that he decides to do it (1) in the dark and (2) with his beer. 'Atta boy!
By the time 6 am rolls around, I'm still wide awake and the only person left standing ... well, I'm sorta slumped over on the couch, but I'm still awake. Now, my friend Jim has a number of egg casseroles he's prepared for breakfast. Hey, in my world, 6 am is a good friggin' time for breakfast. So, I pop one in the oven, and 30 minutes later, it's feast time. The next day, I wake up to find out that Jim ended up tossing the rest of the thing because he didn't know how long it had been out. Brilliant! We're off to a good start to the weekend!
Day 2. I get a full 3 hours of kip, and I'm woken up by one of my roommates, who decides to jump me in the closet. Nice! Unfortunately, I was lying on my stomach at the time, but a jump is a jump! She invites me up to the bed, where I get to crash between two women. I pretty much run the gamut on threesome jokes, and try in vain to get visual evidence of the situation, to no avail.
I roll out of bed a little later, watch both the Hoosiers and Terps lose, jump some rope, and then it's time to work the shampoo buzz. Night 2 is a little bit crazier, as a number of people used the "saving up for Saturday night" strategy ... also known as the Pansy Partier Strategy, or the PPS. I get introduced to a darlin' little Asian woman named I-Fong. No joke, that's her name - I even made her spell it. Of course, I immediately call her iPod, which earns me a punch in the chest. I, in turn, immediately fill her glass up to the top.
The group begins playing Beer Pong. Somehow, I end up being the "owner" for Team Estrogen, which is comprised of 3 women and my friend Jim. Now, Jim's not a woman, but he's also no dummy - unlike most of my single male friends in attendance, he's smart enough to get on a team with women. As owner, I have no duties other than to sit next to the table, watch the women play the game, and drink. I'm not sure life gets any better.
The beer pong eventually breaks down into a game of "I Never". The highlight ... one of the participants does "I've never slept with 3 women in the same day". We all kinda scratch our heads, thinking he's set the bar a tad high ... until my friend Steve drinks. I immediately give him a standing ovation.
The rest of the night is the usual nonsense, although the guitar manages not to make an appearance. I manage to crash at a normal hour this time ... 3 am ... and I manage to get an invite into the bed before the sun comes up. I'm very proud. All in all, another fine Deep Creek trip.
In other news, tonight, I managed to actually talk to the annoying woman in the gym who's also the hottest woman I've ever seen live. Now, some people use suave lines in this situation ... for example, "what are you doing without a date on Valentine's Day?" ... you know, something smooth like that. Me? Yeah, right. She's at the water fountain, I walk up, and say "what, are you gonna drink all the water?" Smooth as sandpaper, baby!
She did go on a semi-ramble about how she usually has a water bottle, and she forgot it, and she's really thirsty and ... well, I kinda lost interest after that. Still hot, though.
If you don't already know, I'm back to being friends with the Playboy Channel. Eh, it's not like we ever really had a falling out, I just wanted to check out HBO for a bit. I've mentioned this before, but the movie descriptions never fail to crack me up. Tonight there's ... eh, some movie ... I dunno the title, but the description is "Curvaceous beauties reveal flesh". Really? Flesh? On a porn channel? Imagine that!
Ok, in the "I'm an idiot" category (which seems to be a pretty big one), I started taking a fat burner today for funs. I'm pretty happy with how I look physically, but I'm at a bit of a plateau with respect to my definition, and want to get a bit more cut. Anyway, so on the day I start taking it, I have:
- 2 cookies
- a brownie
- a ton of tortilla chips
- chicken parmesan
- linguine
Plus, the hot neighbor left me a Valentine's goodie bag with Hershey's kisses, which I immediately devour. She also leaves me another Pez dispenser and refills. Hmm ... I feel another cavity in my future!
Yup, I'm a friggin' genius.
Friday. I pick up my friend Lori at the airport. She's flown in all the way from Minnesota to drink. Ok, ok, she was visiting friends as well, but we all have our priorities in life. I pick her up with the mini bar in action - a 1.75 of the good Captain, and a 2 liter each of regular and Diet Coke. Pretty good ratio there if you ask me. See, problem here is that I lost a bet to Lori when I was in Minnesota, so I have to make her drinks for her the ... entire ... weekend. Cripes.
We head off to Frederick to pick up other friends. The beauty of this pick up is that I will no longer be driving, so I can put full attention on my drinking. Hey, we all know that it's important for me to concentrate. So, by the time we arrive at Deep Creek, 4 of the 5 of us are pretty well sacked. Sacked in a good way, but sacked. Drunk. Hammered. Waffled. Plastered. You get the idea.
Within 5 minutes of arrival, I manage to pull off the smartest move in the history of ... uh ... moves. I negotiate my way into sleeping in a room with 5 women. No boys, just 5 women. I mean, I couldn't be in a better situation if I was making out with Angelina and holding a full Pez dispenser. The only drawback is that I'm sleeping in the closet, but there's 48 hours to fix that.
The night seemed to go by in a really fast blur after that. I remember hitting the hot tub for a bit, hitting the pool, lots of drinks, and a shot or two ... uh, or four. Six? Hmm. 'Round about 3 or 4 am or so, I break out the guitar. It's time to play Drunken Rock Star! Fortunately, I have a handful of willing participants, and the living room arena is right dead center in the middle of the house. Lemme tell ya, the rest of the house, that being them there folks unfortunate enough to be trying to sleep ... loved us! I heard this sorta comment at least 5 times the next day: "Uh, hey, how about tonight ya'll do that in the pool area?" Classic.
We were quite the singers, though, lemme tell ya. At one point, I played "I've Been Everywhere" by Johnny Cash, and we made up our own cities. You know, Glen Burnie, Baltimore, Frederick, Columbia, Owings Mills, etc. All sung slightly off key and a tad off beat. We also had a bit of trouble remembering the words to the songs, so we sorta made up our own lyrics.
At around 4:30 or so, my buddy Steve decides he needs to take a few laps in the pool. A bit of an odd idea ... even more odd when you factor in that he decides to do it (1) in the dark and (2) with his beer. 'Atta boy!
By the time 6 am rolls around, I'm still wide awake and the only person left standing ... well, I'm sorta slumped over on the couch, but I'm still awake. Now, my friend Jim has a number of egg casseroles he's prepared for breakfast. Hey, in my world, 6 am is a good friggin' time for breakfast. So, I pop one in the oven, and 30 minutes later, it's feast time. The next day, I wake up to find out that Jim ended up tossing the rest of the thing because he didn't know how long it had been out. Brilliant! We're off to a good start to the weekend!
Day 2. I get a full 3 hours of kip, and I'm woken up by one of my roommates, who decides to jump me in the closet. Nice! Unfortunately, I was lying on my stomach at the time, but a jump is a jump! She invites me up to the bed, where I get to crash between two women. I pretty much run the gamut on threesome jokes, and try in vain to get visual evidence of the situation, to no avail.
I roll out of bed a little later, watch both the Hoosiers and Terps lose, jump some rope, and then it's time to work the shampoo buzz. Night 2 is a little bit crazier, as a number of people used the "saving up for Saturday night" strategy ... also known as the Pansy Partier Strategy, or the PPS. I get introduced to a darlin' little Asian woman named I-Fong. No joke, that's her name - I even made her spell it. Of course, I immediately call her iPod, which earns me a punch in the chest. I, in turn, immediately fill her glass up to the top.
The group begins playing Beer Pong. Somehow, I end up being the "owner" for Team Estrogen, which is comprised of 3 women and my friend Jim. Now, Jim's not a woman, but he's also no dummy - unlike most of my single male friends in attendance, he's smart enough to get on a team with women. As owner, I have no duties other than to sit next to the table, watch the women play the game, and drink. I'm not sure life gets any better.
The beer pong eventually breaks down into a game of "I Never". The highlight ... one of the participants does "I've never slept with 3 women in the same day". We all kinda scratch our heads, thinking he's set the bar a tad high ... until my friend Steve drinks. I immediately give him a standing ovation.
The rest of the night is the usual nonsense, although the guitar manages not to make an appearance. I manage to crash at a normal hour this time ... 3 am ... and I manage to get an invite into the bed before the sun comes up. I'm very proud. All in all, another fine Deep Creek trip.
In other news, tonight, I managed to actually talk to the annoying woman in the gym who's also the hottest woman I've ever seen live. Now, some people use suave lines in this situation ... for example, "what are you doing without a date on Valentine's Day?" ... you know, something smooth like that. Me? Yeah, right. She's at the water fountain, I walk up, and say "what, are you gonna drink all the water?" Smooth as sandpaper, baby!
She did go on a semi-ramble about how she usually has a water bottle, and she forgot it, and she's really thirsty and ... well, I kinda lost interest after that. Still hot, though.
If you don't already know, I'm back to being friends with the Playboy Channel. Eh, it's not like we ever really had a falling out, I just wanted to check out HBO for a bit. I've mentioned this before, but the movie descriptions never fail to crack me up. Tonight there's ... eh, some movie ... I dunno the title, but the description is "Curvaceous beauties reveal flesh". Really? Flesh? On a porn channel? Imagine that!
Ok, in the "I'm an idiot" category (which seems to be a pretty big one), I started taking a fat burner today for funs. I'm pretty happy with how I look physically, but I'm at a bit of a plateau with respect to my definition, and want to get a bit more cut. Anyway, so on the day I start taking it, I have:
- 2 cookies
- a brownie
- a ton of tortilla chips
- chicken parmesan
- linguine
Plus, the hot neighbor left me a Valentine's goodie bag with Hershey's kisses, which I immediately devour. She also leaves me another Pez dispenser and refills. Hmm ... I feel another cavity in my future!
Yup, I'm a friggin' genius.
posted by AxnJxn at 5:42 PM
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