Fun with cats. I'm walking by the litter box today, and I notice Squirrely Boy in there taking a whiz. So, I decide to have a little fun. I squat down and start patting him on the head. Lemme tell ya ... I've seen some hilarious looks on the faces of these two idiots, but this one took the cake. It was one of those half-closed eye ones ... you know, the "I can't wait to pee in your bed and I'm going to ENJOY it" looks. Classic.

He didn't seem to have any problem continuing to go, though, which was pretty impressive. Ask any guy and he'll tell ya - if you start messing with us in mid-whiz, it's hard to keep concentration.

Even more fun ... I went to Petsmart, and I finally found these catnip bubble things. They're basically like those bubbles you could blow as a kid, but catnip style. Well, and I'm sure you'll be shocked by this, Batman is afraid of them. He's afraid of friggin' bubbles! It's official ... I have the world's biggest pansy cat. Yes, yes, hold all of the "he takes after his owner" jokes for the end of the blog, please.

Text message of the month follows:

U knew this was coming dum dum ... we will have fun. dumped small penis guy. did not go out with stripperman got weirded out. and job is crazy jealous of u

Hmm ... and people say I send strange text messages! Actually, I do. Moving on ...

A tip ... Janie's Got A Gun is really not a very good song to be singing out loud around people. Trust me on that one. It didn't really hit me until after the 5th strange look or so.

I've been contemplating sitting down when I take a whiz. Yeah, yeah, I know, it's un-American and anti-boy and gay-ish and I'll lose my Man Card and whatnot, but I have a couple of logical reasons for it:

1) Less cleanup when I have to hose down the bathroom
2) I can get a lot more paperwork done ... you know, reading my bills, writing letters, doing my taxes, staring at my autographed picture of Denise Austin
3) It's a lot easier when really drunk ... I wouldn't have to do the ol' put my hand on the wall to steady myself thing
4) ... I'm working on a #4 and #5 ... I figure I need at least 5 to legally do this

Some older gent in the waiting room told me I'm a really good typer. I haven't the slightest idea how to respond to that. I just nodded and smiled at him and pretended I couldn't speak. I'm suddenly a mute!

Have I mentioned that the Steelers are World Champions? Ok, just checkin'.

The annoying hot gym girl and I are becoming quite the pals. We had a short discussion yesterday about her drink. She had one of those Power/Energy/Hyper/Yeehah drinks and she was surprised that there was caffeine in it. Um ... hello? She also has some sort of Carribean sorta sounding accent. I'm not sure if that's a plus or not, but I do enjoy saying JAMAICA MON! in a ridiculous Jamaican accent. Try it out. It's fun.

It's quite possible that I'm going to do nuttin' tonight but watch movies. I'm pretty sure hell is getting chilly right now, but it's true. 'Course, we all know what that means ... look out for Hurricane Me tomorrow night! Woot!