Ok, so every now and then, I'll send myself a text message when I'm out to remind myself of something I find funny that I should put in the blog. I'm so incredibly brilliant that a lot of times, I can't even remember the next day what the text means. This is one of those cases, but I laughed out loud when I read the text, so I'm going to share. As I was going through the weekend's texts, here's what I read:

Girl who smells like fajitas

Boy, if only I could remember what THAT was about!

Ok, let's talk about Saturday. I started out at the gym ... of course, I have to crown someone Gym Idiot Of The Day, since there seems to be a daily dope. Saturday's was this dude who decided he had to jump rope right in the middle of the weight room. I mean, I jump rope 2-3 times a week in there, and there are tons of li'l nooks and crannies to hide yourself in. Not for this dude. I was waiting for someone to walk into the rope. That would've been good times.

Headed to Ropewalk around 5ish to meet some friends from a message board where I post. On the way over, saw one of the better sunsets of the year. I almost drove off the road and spilled my drink, it was so good.

Arrived, and within seconds, I knew the setup was on. Luckily, the other setee was aware, so it was cool, but it's always fascinating to watch a pack of women scheming. This same young lady also picked up on a Rick Santorum reference, so she scored bonus points for that one. If you don't know ... mmm, you'll have to read the Savage Love column a bit more. Actually, you may not want to know.

So, from there, I headed home for a bit to get myself even more drunk/lathered, play a little guitar, and prep for Portside. On the way there, I stopped in at Claddaugh, and neither of the bartenders I know were working. Lemme tell ya ... paying regular price for drinks is nonsense. Do people actually do that on a regular basis? Hmm ...

Now, Portside was especially good this particular evening. If I could bottle a night like that, I would. Lots of drama, plenty of estrogen, my favorite bartenders working ... what's not to like?

First, the drama. Apparently, someone dubbed it "Women Who've Rejected Jack in Recent Memory" night at Portside. Let's count 'em:

Kathy ... Kathy is a hecka hot blonde that I met through my friend Debbie. We were supposed to go to dinner one night, and Kathy blew me off about an hour before the date, then never called again. I'm sure I'm better off anyway.

Lindsey ... or maybe it's Lindsay. I never got far enough along on that one to find out. Anyway. Lindsey is the woman I fell head over heels for at a gym a number of years ago, saw again recently at Portside, and went on a date with a couple of weeks back. You know, the date I totally screwed up? Lindsey was with some dude who seemed very angry with her. I'm sure I'm better off anyway.

Katie ... Katie was my last ditch effort on Strikeout Night, which was a week ago. Ok, it wasn't much of an effort, but it still counts for this topic. Katie was wearing a choker, and chokers drive me wild. I mean absolutey mad. Janet Reno could wear a choker, and I'd probably think she looked hot. Oh yeah ... as for Katie ... I'm sure I'm better off anyway.

Leah! Leah is also known as Leah Hot ... friends with Chrissy Hot. Leah's the one who changed the subject when I asked for her phone number. Leah seemed very excited to see me, but I was already in pretty deep with someone else (we'll get to her in a bit). I'm sure I'm better off anyway.

Janet ... ok, Janet technically never rejected me, and we once had lunch and there seemed to be a lot of sparks, but I had a girlfriend at the time, so nuttin' happened. I think it technically counts, though. I'm not sure if I'm better off or not on that one, but it's fun to say that I am.

Janet 2 ... actually, I rejected Janet 2. She scares the urine out of me. I ended up in the middle of nowhere in Catonsville at 3 in the morning in the cold without a coat waiting for a cab to take me home one weekend night because Janet 2 scared the urine outta me. I'm CERTAIN I'm better off on that one.

I did say hello to all of these lovely women, so I'm not bitter. I'm sure I'm just better off. Ha!

So, on to the fun. At one point early on, I'm standing at the bar waiting for a drink. I look over and see this very attractive woman sitting a few seats down. She's also looking at me. The eye contact breaks, I get my drink, and note it for later. Well, later comes, she's walking by, and she stops and tells me that she's on a very bad date. I sympathize quickly, she asks if I'll call her and gives me her card. Jeez. I guess I must have easy written on my forehead. Ok, I am easy. Shaddap.

Then, the real fun starts. Chrissy Hot shows up, and she has an equally hot friend named ... Chrissy! Frankly, I think it'd be a good thing if all women had the same name. I mean, I love women's names, but I have a tendency to forget them, which never seems to go over well. Imagine that.

So, I'm very much into talking to CH's friend. We do some dancing, everything's going well, so the three of us head back to CH's boyfriend's place, CH goes upstairs, and things get a bit warmer between Chrissy and I. Then, CH's boyfriend comes home, and things get a bit stranger.

I know CH's boyfriend from the gym. He's a pretty good guy from what I know of him. He comes in, goes upstairs to talk to CH for a bit, then comes down and notes that it's time for me to go. I find this a little odd, but since I was planning on going home anyway, I split. The next day, I find it extremely odd ... I mean, one of those dumb guy rules that's never talked about is that if you're having fun with a woman, other dudes shouldn't interfere. Mmm, or something like that ... I can't really remember, I seem to have misplaced my Men's Handbook when I read "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus".

So, I give Chrissy a call and leave her a message. The whole thing seems a little Crispin Glover (translation: weird), but I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Today, at work, I get this text ...

I had a great time on sat. Its always an adventure. Sadly, i can't do any more making out :( I m way involved with someone & i m sorry i miss lead u.

I typed that baby pretty much verbatim, with the spacin' and all. I certainly hope the woman with the business card isn't married. Cripes. It also explains why CH's boyfriend was acting so odd, because I'm sure he knows the dude.

So, just a tip ... if ya got a boyfriend, I have no problem being told that at any time! Especially early on! You know, you could even start off the conversation that way.

Hi, I'm Jack. What's your name?
I'm boyfriend.
Ok, nice meeting you. Take care.

Done and done.

Eep.