I'm on my way to work today, and there's one of those 5 car running into the back of each other accident things. I can't tell you how comforting it is to know that 4 clowns out there aren't paying enough attention to stop when the car in front of them stops. And, yes, I do realize that it's possible they were pushed into the car in front of them from behind. I'll admit that, as long as you admit that it's entirely possible there were 4 clowns out there talking on their cell phones and eating a Burger King heart attack sandwich while driving.

So, went to the eye doctor yesterday. Classic. I was at a new place, so they didn't know my prescription. As a quick aside, I did enjoy the woman who got there right before me, and noted that her "subscription" had expired. Anyway, so they have me take out my contacts, they take me in the Darkened Room of Tests, and she asked me which line I could read on the chart. My response? Where's the chart? Heh.

I also love with all my heart and soul the glaucoma test. You know, the one where they shoot air in your eye, and you try not to hit the ceiling when you jump. Absolutely love that 'un.

Well, the Three Stooges are sorta back at the gym, although it's a different three. I'm having trouble calling these three Stooges, though, cuz all three are extremely hot. Like lava hot. They've also figured out how to do their weird exercise gyrations somewhere besides the middle of the gym. Last night, they all had medicine balls and were doing this thing where they pass the ball back and forth through their legs. 'Course, I have four thoughts in my mind when I see this:

1) Dag. I wish I had some circus music on my iPod. That would match what they're doing perfectly!
2) Maybe someone will balance a ball on their nose and clap like a seal.
3) Am I supposed to tip them for this act?
4) Whew. Them chick's is HOT!

As a bonus, the gym was sorta kinda not crowded. Now, I'm almost done with my workout. I have one last thing I want to do, and I know of at least 6 different machines or areas of the gym I can do it in. Of course, every single one was being used. Go to shoot some hoop, court closed. Grr.

So, I have a few rules that I live by. Ok, if you know me, I have a LOT of rules that I live by, but that's not important right now. Here's a few:

1) Never pet a porcupine
2) Never pass out around college kids with Sharpies
3) Never cook bacon naked
4) Never get your haircut by someone that can't speak English

I violated #4 today. The last time I did that, I ended up looking like a Chia pet. One of the worst haircuts ever, and it was completely my fault. I wasn't sure she realized what I wanted, and it turned out she didn't. So, today, I'm getting my cut, and the cutter asked me a question that roughly went something like this:

Dyu wenkt klee pthems lung?

Yah. Normally, when I don't understand someone twice, I just nod. That comes from my father, who was a habitual mumbler, and passed the trait onto me. But, this was quite important - I'm not hip on the Chia pet look. Upon repeat #4 of the question, I realized she was asking if I wanted to keep the length on my sideburns. Man. I mean, I spent at least 7.2 seconds on my hair before work or going out, it's got to be perfect. Actually, that estimate might be a bit high ... maybe 6.7 seconds. Plus, I'm paying $13 whole dollars here, $20 with tip. I'm expecting to walk out looking like Fabio on a good hair day.