It's hard out here for a pimp. Hmm. I can't even type that with a straight face. Ok, so I watched Hustle and Flow this week, and I can't get that friggin' song out of my head. I guess it's better than me walking around singing Whoop That Trick. I mean, one of my neighbors is a minister, doncha know - that might scare him just a tad.

Ok, so the weekend. Friday ... boy, it was quite some time ago ... what the hell did I do on Friday? Ah, yes, cue the music ... Friday was the return of the "Bay Cafe happy hour 2 for 1 drinks get drunk as possible before the sun goes down and possibly fall down thingamajig". Yeah, that's my own personal name for it. Last year at this thing, I was standing/leaning/wobbling in one place for a bit, and I managed to spill drinks in a semi-circle around me. That's how good it is.

Now, important point here ... last year, you'd order a drink, and they'd just give you two. This year, they give you one drink and a chip. What's that? No, not a potato chip, ya dip, a poker sorta chip. Not sure why they changed that, but it's important. Here's why.

I'm there with some folks, and it's getting close to 8, which is when the specials end. We decide to get one more round. Lauren and I go to the bar, and she orders 4 drinks and gets 4 chips with 'em. I mention to her that we should check to make sure they'll still take the chips after 8. Nope! So, double drinks for everyone! I actually got to the point where I was trying to give away alcohol. Yeah, I was a little disturbed by those actions as well, especially when the hot women I was trying to give one to declined. Commies. Who turns down a free drink, especially from me?

So, we split from there and hit Looney's. Now, if you're familiar with me, you know my nickname for this joint - the Bar of 5s. Strangely enough, we're upstairs, and I see two of the hotter women from my gym in the corner. The rest of the bar is the same as always ... a 5fest. I guess they wanted to raise the average or something. Weird. Still wasn't enough to get me to stay, though.

We hit Claddaugh for a bit, then it was off to my joint, Portside. Last week, I was a little concerned about my bar. Well, it's made a comeback, people! Ha! Unfortunately, 2 for 1 got me pretty heavy in the head, so things are a bit foggy. I did spent a decent amount of time explaining to a hot lesbian that she was indeed hot. It's hard work convincing people they are attractive, doncha know.

I do remember getting a goodbye hug from Kelly, who I now like to call The Girl Formerly Known As Katie, or TGFKAK. Ok, I basically surprised her into giving me a hug - she was holding both a drink and a shot at the time (hey, what's not to like about that?) - but I'm still counting it.

Any other information on the rest of that evening will be given on a need-to-know basis. In other words, you don't need to know. Ha!

Woke up the next day, and had to run to an orientation at a local animal shelter. Here comes my rant for the day. Ready? So, first of all, they start this meeting late because people can't seem to show up on time. Apparently, showing up on time is pretty much impossible to do any more (*cough cough Cherie cough cough*). So, they finally start the meeting, and after about 30 minutes, a couple of more people come stumbling in. I mean, are you serious? If I'm 30 minutes late to something, I'm too embarrassed to even show up. WTF? Ok, rant over.

Hit the gym, and realized when I got home that I have some mystery bruises. Mystery bruises are the best, aren't they? Especially when they are in certain areas. Let's just move on from that topic, before I get myself in real trouble.

So, my boy Chunky decides to visit me. He shows up around 5 or so, we hit the candy store ... er, the liquor store ... and start drinkin'. Around 8, we split for Claddaugh. We hit a couple of spots on the Square, get some grub, and end up at ... imagine that ... Portside! Not only did I get flashed at Portside ... wait ... does it count as a flash if the woman shows you her bra? ... I also had some hottie take my hand and put it on her can. Talk about your opening lines! Ladies, if you've got a good can, that's a fine way to say hello.

Anyway, I look over at Chunky and ask him if he understands why I come to this place. He gets this grin on his face and just nods his head. Ok, ok, by then, neither of us could speak English very well anyway.

At one point, this girl gets up on the bar and starts dancing. Now, early on in my career at Portside, someone did this, and I yelled out "This is not Powerplant!", she gave me an evil look and got down. I guess this girl also figured that out because she was up there for about 15 seconds and then quit. Ladies ... dancing on a bar is kinda pointless. If you want to meet boys, here's a tip - don't put yourself in a position where they have to get a ladder to talk to you. If you want to meet girls ... um ... go to Gallagher's?

We hit the pizza joint and head back to my place. I manage to rouse the hot neighbor and she stops by to watch us devour the pizza. Chunky and her talk soccer (yeah, that's right ... I said soccer ... don't ask me), she goes home, and we crash.

Sunday, I spent a bit of time with a friend waiting for the thunderstorms to show up, then crashed even harder than the night before. You know the type - you hit the pillow and it's like you've fallen into a bank of clouds. Yeah, that's how I slept all weekend.

A quick movie review ... check out Layer Cake if you get the chance. Yeah, the title sucks - I mean, it's not catchy like Trainspotting or Snatch - but the movie is excellent. Lots of stuff going on here, and lots of people with English accents, so I had to watch it twice to really get it, but it's worth the effort.