Quick thought to start: as if I'm not skeptical enough about the "realness" of it, they put this edition of The Real World in Hollywood. Uh ...
If you've read this nonsense long enough, you know that Captain Morgan and I are good buddies. Well, it wasn't always like that. I didn't even know the good Captain in my college years, and even for a bit after that (he was playing hard to get or something). I spent some time experimenting with drink combos in college. Hey, it was better than studying and infinitely more expensive, so what's not to like? Anyway, here are a couple of my bigger failures:
Orange Crush and vodka. For those that don't know what Orange Crush is, it's basically orange soda. Yeah, I know, all you yuppie chick types are all over the new orange crushes the bars are serving these days, but I'm talking the real stuff. It put hair on your chest and rotted your teeth ... which is something most chicks totally dig. Anyway, I drank this in college for a bit. Naturally, being in college, I used high quality vodka. Dark Eyes. If you haven't had Dark Eyes, well, let's just say that a portion of the size of the coke-bottle lenses in my glasses is likely due to my Dark Eyes usage. Hey, maybe that's why they call it that! Eureka!
Anyway, I called this nonsense an imitation screwdriver. Most of my friends called it Puke Sauce. Um ... yeah.
Rumplemintz and Sprite. You probably got a little ill just reading that. I actually thought this was one of my better ideas of the time. Considering that one idea I had at the time was the bed brush, which was a brush to clean the dirt out of your bed (I can't believe I actually admit to some of this idiocy), well the ol' Rumplemintz and Sprite idea was failure on toast, waiting to be served up. My girlfriend in college was a bartender for a bit, and a couple of us went to her bar one night to hang. Everyone decided to try my new drink and, naturally, she made nice, big, tall ones. Dig the scene:
[everyone tries the drink]
John: Ew
Mike: Ew
Me: Isn't this great?!
Elaine: Ew
[all look at me like I just kicked their dog and burned their house down]
Me: What?
[all look at their nice, big, tall drinks and look back at me]
Me: Hmm ...
As a bonus, I got to finish everyone's drink. Score! I never came up with a name for that one, but it was quickly dubbed ... you guess it ... Puke Sauce.
Enough of that ... for now. So, I have this iPod, and it's one of the bigger ones, so I have some 2000+ songs on it. I'm too lazy to put together playlists (I'm sure you're shocked by that news), so I generally just throw it on shuffle and skip through the songs I'm tired of hearing (which is about 1800+ of them, but that's another story). I've recently come to realize that "shuffle" means "play the worst 4.2% of the songs, including playing the Oompa Loompa song every time I turn on the machine."
That's right, I have the Oompa Loompa song. Try to contain your jealousy, lest you turn into a giant blueberry and get rolled down to the Juicing Room.
I can't believe I forgot to tell this story. A few months ago, I'm in the airport headed to a flight, and I was walking behind this woman. She dropped a bunch of stuff, so I stopped to help her pick it all up. I pick up a lipstick thing, a brush and .... a tampon. Hooah! I was pretty proud of myself. When I realized what it was, I managed not to go running down the hall, screaming like a 5 year old girl who just realized a centipede was in her hair (dudes, y'all know that's the initial reaction we guys have).
When I was in Vegas in March, I managed to catch the show Love, which is a Cirque de Soleil show based on Beatles music. I highly, highly recommend it if you like The Beatles at all. I've since grown a new appreciation for how incredibly talented they were at writing songs. Amazing stuff.
One other tunes recommendation - Eddie Vedder has some high quality songs on the Into The Wild soundtrack (which is a fascinating movie as well), particularly "Hard Sun."
Unfortunately, it looks like M. Night has failed his fans again. Oy.
This blog's getting long, so I'm going to save one story for the next one. Let's just say it's centered around the words "loosen up your butt." Yeah.
If you've read this nonsense long enough, you know that Captain Morgan and I are good buddies. Well, it wasn't always like that. I didn't even know the good Captain in my college years, and even for a bit after that (he was playing hard to get or something). I spent some time experimenting with drink combos in college. Hey, it was better than studying and infinitely more expensive, so what's not to like? Anyway, here are a couple of my bigger failures:
Orange Crush and vodka. For those that don't know what Orange Crush is, it's basically orange soda. Yeah, I know, all you yuppie chick types are all over the new orange crushes the bars are serving these days, but I'm talking the real stuff. It put hair on your chest and rotted your teeth ... which is something most chicks totally dig. Anyway, I drank this in college for a bit. Naturally, being in college, I used high quality vodka. Dark Eyes. If you haven't had Dark Eyes, well, let's just say that a portion of the size of the coke-bottle lenses in my glasses is likely due to my Dark Eyes usage. Hey, maybe that's why they call it that! Eureka!
Anyway, I called this nonsense an imitation screwdriver. Most of my friends called it Puke Sauce. Um ... yeah.
Rumplemintz and Sprite. You probably got a little ill just reading that. I actually thought this was one of my better ideas of the time. Considering that one idea I had at the time was the bed brush, which was a brush to clean the dirt out of your bed (I can't believe I actually admit to some of this idiocy), well the ol' Rumplemintz and Sprite idea was failure on toast, waiting to be served up. My girlfriend in college was a bartender for a bit, and a couple of us went to her bar one night to hang. Everyone decided to try my new drink and, naturally, she made nice, big, tall ones. Dig the scene:
[everyone tries the drink]
John: Ew
Mike: Ew
Me: Isn't this great?!
Elaine: Ew
[all look at me like I just kicked their dog and burned their house down]
Me: What?
[all look at their nice, big, tall drinks and look back at me]
Me: Hmm ...
As a bonus, I got to finish everyone's drink. Score! I never came up with a name for that one, but it was quickly dubbed ... you guess it ... Puke Sauce.
Enough of that ... for now. So, I have this iPod, and it's one of the bigger ones, so I have some 2000+ songs on it. I'm too lazy to put together playlists (I'm sure you're shocked by that news), so I generally just throw it on shuffle and skip through the songs I'm tired of hearing (which is about 1800+ of them, but that's another story). I've recently come to realize that "shuffle" means "play the worst 4.2% of the songs, including playing the Oompa Loompa song every time I turn on the machine."
That's right, I have the Oompa Loompa song. Try to contain your jealousy, lest you turn into a giant blueberry and get rolled down to the Juicing Room.
I can't believe I forgot to tell this story. A few months ago, I'm in the airport headed to a flight, and I was walking behind this woman. She dropped a bunch of stuff, so I stopped to help her pick it all up. I pick up a lipstick thing, a brush and .... a tampon. Hooah! I was pretty proud of myself. When I realized what it was, I managed not to go running down the hall, screaming like a 5 year old girl who just realized a centipede was in her hair (dudes, y'all know that's the initial reaction we guys have).
When I was in Vegas in March, I managed to catch the show Love, which is a Cirque de Soleil show based on Beatles music. I highly, highly recommend it if you like The Beatles at all. I've since grown a new appreciation for how incredibly talented they were at writing songs. Amazing stuff.
One other tunes recommendation - Eddie Vedder has some high quality songs on the Into The Wild soundtrack (which is a fascinating movie as well), particularly "Hard Sun."
Unfortunately, it looks like M. Night has failed his fans again. Oy.
This blog's getting long, so I'm going to save one story for the next one. Let's just say it's centered around the words "loosen up your butt." Yeah.
posted by AxnJxn at 8:48 AM
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