Yum! I feel like a hundred bucks ... in Canadian money. I'm not even sure if that makes sense.
I've stayed in a few Fridays in the past, and there's never anything on TV. Zip. Absolute bupkis. So, I'm flipping channels last night before I head out and I about fell out. Check out this friggin' line up of movies last night.
Silence of the Lambs
Being John Malkovich
This is Spinal Tap
Hoosiers
Goodfellas
Back to the Future
Dazed and Confused
My response? Jump back! I can't even find a good half-assed porno when I stay in, and that's the lineup when I go out. Bloody hell.
So, before I head out, I get a call from my boy Chunky, and he's all fired up. Why? He decided to TIVO Happy Days, and he ended up getting the episode where the Fonz jumps the shark! Nice! Yes, we are a couple of sots. Go look that word up - you'll like it.
Ok, first of all, let's get some business out of the way. I was informed last night by "V" that I shouldn't use the real names for "V" and "A" in the blog, I should just use their initials. "V" told me this because "A" was afraid that if she told me (I guess I shall be referred to as "J" from this point on), I'd get mad.
Hmm ... I have a better idea ... how 'bout if I don't write about "V" or "A" at all anymore? Done and done! Men are from Mars ... we solve problems. Or is that Venus? I could toss in a Uranus joke here, but I won't. That li'l pissin' hot dog Meano is still fair game, though ... at least until the scar he gave me goes away. So there. Friggin' hot dogs!
So, I'm in Portside last night, and I run into Chrissy Hot and her dude Scott. We get to yappin' about the usual nonsense - how hot Chrissy is, Scott and I talk gym talk, how hot Leah Hot is, etc. ... it's pretty deep stuff - and then we start talking about where we live. Cue the Twilight Zone music! CH lives all of 100 feet from me, and she's been there for a couple of months. Apparently, my nose for hot chicks isn't working any more, because I could throw a piece of beef jerky and hit her house. That, or maybe it doesn't work on unavailable hot chicks. Hmm.
I also committed a lovely faux pax. I haven't the slightest idea if that's spelled right. How about this - I also committed a stupid. Better. Anyway. So, I'm talking to CH and I notice a ring on her left hand, index finger, and I ask her about it. She tells me something about it (I can't really remember what she said, I was busy watching some woman dance, and I can't do two things at once), and I mention that the rest of the fingers on her hand are ring free ... right in front of Scott. Whoops! I think I owe Scott a case of drinks the next time I see him. Stupid me!
I also found out that sometimes "heavily involved" = married. Um. Yeah. Here's a tip, chicks ... don't be afraid to tell me you're married BEFORE we start making out. Or even after. Or in between. Seems like a simple concept to me. I'm not so good at turning "heavily involved" into married with my pea brain. In fact, I don't think much at all when kissing practice is a possibility.
Portside was a tad rough last night. There were some extremely drunk people in there, and I wasn't one of them ... which makes Jack grumpy sometimes. To pile on, it started to rain oceans, so no new people were coming in to entertain me. To pile further, some hottie that I once practiced my kissing skills with apparently went temporarily blind and couldn't find me in there, as I found out later via text. Cripes.
Here's some logic ... what's a good tip on an $18 tab? Hey, how about $25!? Double cripes! No wonder Bo shook my hand before I left. The beauty of this is that I've set a precedent, and it's very hard to go back from tipping like that. I'm rarely mistaken for smart, doncha know.
So, here lies the epitome of my life. I'm at Portside, it's pouring rain, I'm bored, and it's getting close to closing, and 47 minutes later I'm 30 miles away walking someone's dog ... in the pouring rain ... and they aren't even home yet. At least I got a shower out of the ordeal ... eventually.
What's the protocol when you accidently break someone's bed in the middle of funnin' around? Are you obligated to replace the bed? Important things going on here.
The first 6 songs of the new Chili Peppers CD are fantastic. I haven't the slightest idea about the other ... uh ... 18 or so songs on the thing. Dag ... whatever happened to make an album with 10 tracks? Pearl Jam ... Ten. Easy peasy. I feel like I'm doing homework when I go to listen to the RHCP's new stuff.
I got tickets to the Foo Fighters acoustic show in DC in August. Let the jealousy pour over you and embrace it! Ha! Stay tuned while I get bird flu the week before the show.
I've stayed in a few Fridays in the past, and there's never anything on TV. Zip. Absolute bupkis. So, I'm flipping channels last night before I head out and I about fell out. Check out this friggin' line up of movies last night.
Silence of the Lambs
Being John Malkovich
This is Spinal Tap
Hoosiers
Goodfellas
Back to the Future
Dazed and Confused
My response? Jump back! I can't even find a good half-assed porno when I stay in, and that's the lineup when I go out. Bloody hell.
So, before I head out, I get a call from my boy Chunky, and he's all fired up. Why? He decided to TIVO Happy Days, and he ended up getting the episode where the Fonz jumps the shark! Nice! Yes, we are a couple of sots. Go look that word up - you'll like it.
Ok, first of all, let's get some business out of the way. I was informed last night by "V" that I shouldn't use the real names for "V" and "A" in the blog, I should just use their initials. "V" told me this because "A" was afraid that if she told me (I guess I shall be referred to as "J" from this point on), I'd get mad.
Hmm ... I have a better idea ... how 'bout if I don't write about "V" or "A" at all anymore? Done and done! Men are from Mars ... we solve problems. Or is that Venus? I could toss in a Uranus joke here, but I won't. That li'l pissin' hot dog Meano is still fair game, though ... at least until the scar he gave me goes away. So there. Friggin' hot dogs!
So, I'm in Portside last night, and I run into Chrissy Hot and her dude Scott. We get to yappin' about the usual nonsense - how hot Chrissy is, Scott and I talk gym talk, how hot Leah Hot is, etc. ... it's pretty deep stuff - and then we start talking about where we live. Cue the Twilight Zone music! CH lives all of 100 feet from me, and she's been there for a couple of months. Apparently, my nose for hot chicks isn't working any more, because I could throw a piece of beef jerky and hit her house. That, or maybe it doesn't work on unavailable hot chicks. Hmm.
I also committed a lovely faux pax. I haven't the slightest idea if that's spelled right. How about this - I also committed a stupid. Better. Anyway. So, I'm talking to CH and I notice a ring on her left hand, index finger, and I ask her about it. She tells me something about it (I can't really remember what she said, I was busy watching some woman dance, and I can't do two things at once), and I mention that the rest of the fingers on her hand are ring free ... right in front of Scott. Whoops! I think I owe Scott a case of drinks the next time I see him. Stupid me!
I also found out that sometimes "heavily involved" = married. Um. Yeah. Here's a tip, chicks ... don't be afraid to tell me you're married BEFORE we start making out. Or even after. Or in between. Seems like a simple concept to me. I'm not so good at turning "heavily involved" into married with my pea brain. In fact, I don't think much at all when kissing practice is a possibility.
Portside was a tad rough last night. There were some extremely drunk people in there, and I wasn't one of them ... which makes Jack grumpy sometimes. To pile on, it started to rain oceans, so no new people were coming in to entertain me. To pile further, some hottie that I once practiced my kissing skills with apparently went temporarily blind and couldn't find me in there, as I found out later via text. Cripes.
Here's some logic ... what's a good tip on an $18 tab? Hey, how about $25!? Double cripes! No wonder Bo shook my hand before I left. The beauty of this is that I've set a precedent, and it's very hard to go back from tipping like that. I'm rarely mistaken for smart, doncha know.
So, here lies the epitome of my life. I'm at Portside, it's pouring rain, I'm bored, and it's getting close to closing, and 47 minutes later I'm 30 miles away walking someone's dog ... in the pouring rain ... and they aren't even home yet. At least I got a shower out of the ordeal ... eventually.
What's the protocol when you accidently break someone's bed in the middle of funnin' around? Are you obligated to replace the bed? Important things going on here.
The first 6 songs of the new Chili Peppers CD are fantastic. I haven't the slightest idea about the other ... uh ... 18 or so songs on the thing. Dag ... whatever happened to make an album with 10 tracks? Pearl Jam ... Ten. Easy peasy. I feel like I'm doing homework when I go to listen to the RHCP's new stuff.
I got tickets to the Foo Fighters acoustic show in DC in August. Let the jealousy pour over you and embrace it! Ha! Stay tuned while I get bird flu the week before the show.
posted by AxnJxn at 5:20 PM
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