One of the finer inventions ever - yoga pants for women. Yumma. Humma. I'd put that invention right above Funyons and just below Pez on the brilliant inventions list. I might have to put chandalier and hoop earrings fairly high on the list as well.

Is it just me, or does anyone else think the AFLAC duck needs some anger management courses? I mean, I know it's a sucky gig being an insurance salesman (uh, salesduck?), but chill the frick out.

Here's a tip for the dudes ... jumping rope with boxer briefs on is not a good idea. For you larger up top ladies, it's similar to jogging without a bra. Not so good. All boys in that area were not too happy after the festivities were over.

Haven't done this in a bit ... slogan time!

Atlantic City ...
... we're the Jersey version of Las Vegas
... if you love multiple burning sensations, come see us!
... we've thought about changing our name to Jabroni-ville
... come see Donald Trump's hair!

As for Myspace ... what's creepier than stalkers? 18 year old girls pretending to be freaks in bed! I've gotten teen chick spam every day this week. I even responded to one for funs. Here's the noise ... oh, and this li'l girl claimed to be 24. Right.

"Well, the honorable Elijah Muhammad (whose best known conversion was Malcolm X) has stated that the perfect age for a man's mate is 1/2 his age + 7 years. Let's see ... 38/2 = 19 + 7 = 26. Guess you'll have to write back in 4 years! Thanks for the email, and g'luck!"

I haven't heard back from her since. I thought women dug it when nerds talked math and Muslim stuff! Another tremendous opportunity missed.

Totally forgot about this. On Friday, I'm in Portside, and this dude is making out with this chicky by the back door. I happen upon the same dude a little later, and apparently, he blew the deal! I mean, if you're making out with someone in the bar, it's pretty much impossible to blow that. You either have to (1) kiss a guy or (2) admit that you listen to Rush Limbaugh or (3) kiss Rush Limbaugh. I mean, that's the fumble of all fumbles. Jeez.

Went to Red Star for dinner the other night. The dinner was ok, but that's not what's important here. What's important is my only other memory of the joint. I was there a number of years back, when it was a dive bar, and I remember it because my date gave me kind of half of a strip tease dance in the back of the bar. Yeah, these are the things I remember. I can't remember if I've paid the phone bill, but I remember this woman stuffing her bra in my jeans. Explains a lot, doesn't it?

I may have mentioned this before, but I can't get past Rounders if it's on TV. I think I'm about to hit the 50 mark for number of times I've watched it. Along those lines, is there a cooler movie than Ocean's Eleven? Fuhgedaboudit.

Ok, go download some Replacements. Can't Hardly Wait and Alex Chilton are good choices for singles, for CDs go with Pleased To Meet Me or Don't Tell A Soul. Just do it. Trust me. One of the finer unsung band of the 80s/90s.