Let’s just start this off with a conundrum (and I’m amazed I can spell conundrum) … is it ridiculous that I spend ridiculous amounts of time trying to decide who is cooler – Dave Grohl, John Mellencamp or Brandon Boyd? Yup. Yes, I’m well aware that I’ve got some issues. Ridiculous ones.
Never hit a priest with your car. That’s what a priest told me recently … just after I almost hit him with my car. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad omen for the start of a Friday night. I mean, I’m already prepping to go out and do evil things … drinking, spending ridiculous sums of money, eating 10 to 12 slices of pizza while stumbling home … pretty sure that covers 3 of the 7 deadly sins right there. I’m sure I could work Lust in there, too. The only one that could be a problem would be Pride.
Speaking of, if lightning strikes your church and burns it to the ground, maybe it’s time to change religions? Don’t mind me … I’m just thinking out loud here.
Recently took a trip to California. Things I learned:
- the coastline of California is stunningly beautiful. I mean, we’re talking Mila Kunis covered in Kylie Minogue stunning.
- In and Out Burger rules. I mean, seriously. Rules.
- LA sucks. I mean, seriously. Sucks. I now understand why people in San Diego don’t like that city. Naturally, we got stuck in traffic there. Curse you, L.A.!
- I could take a good 10-15 years off my life if I lived in La Jolla, and that’s a conservative estimate.
- I was meant to live in Mission Beach. Why I’m not there is anyone’s guess. Maybe because of the lack of crime in Baltimore? Ok, I had a little trouble typing that with a straight face.
Are you allowed to tell Polish jokes at a Polish festival? Cuz I’ve got a good one. Did you hear about the latest Polish invention? It's a solar-powered flashlight. Maybe I’ll just get a kielbasa and keep my mouth shut.
I never realized just how terrific the lyrics to the song “Angel Eyes” by the Jeff Healy Band are. Wow.
How sweet is it that my girlfriend/roommate is talking about getting a new couch just in time for football season? Virtual high fives all around!
So, one of our cats escaped the house this week, and we basically had to capture her to get her back. She’s semi-feral, so it’s not like we can just go pick her up and take her back inside. Lemme tell ya, the best way to make friends with your neighbors is to sneak around the alleys wearing all black and carrying an animal cage. Um, yeah. As a bonus, we spent a lot of time watching the cage, and a lot of times it looked like we were peeping in people’s windows. Fab.
After 3 days of failed trapping and a near nervous breakdown, it turns out the best way to catch a semi-feral cat is to have two women get it to play with a cat dancer, scruff it, and then stick it in a trash can and put on the lid, all while you are inside watching The Real Housewives of Somewhere. If only I knew that from the start!
Never hit a priest with your car. That’s what a priest told me recently … just after I almost hit him with my car. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad omen for the start of a Friday night. I mean, I’m already prepping to go out and do evil things … drinking, spending ridiculous sums of money, eating 10 to 12 slices of pizza while stumbling home … pretty sure that covers 3 of the 7 deadly sins right there. I’m sure I could work Lust in there, too. The only one that could be a problem would be Pride.
Speaking of, if lightning strikes your church and burns it to the ground, maybe it’s time to change religions? Don’t mind me … I’m just thinking out loud here.
Recently took a trip to California. Things I learned:
- the coastline of California is stunningly beautiful. I mean, we’re talking Mila Kunis covered in Kylie Minogue stunning.
- In and Out Burger rules. I mean, seriously. Rules.
- LA sucks. I mean, seriously. Sucks. I now understand why people in San Diego don’t like that city. Naturally, we got stuck in traffic there. Curse you, L.A.!
- I could take a good 10-15 years off my life if I lived in La Jolla, and that’s a conservative estimate.
- I was meant to live in Mission Beach. Why I’m not there is anyone’s guess. Maybe because of the lack of crime in Baltimore? Ok, I had a little trouble typing that with a straight face.
Are you allowed to tell Polish jokes at a Polish festival? Cuz I’ve got a good one. Did you hear about the latest Polish invention? It's a solar-powered flashlight. Maybe I’ll just get a kielbasa and keep my mouth shut.
I never realized just how terrific the lyrics to the song “Angel Eyes” by the Jeff Healy Band are. Wow.
How sweet is it that my girlfriend/roommate is talking about getting a new couch just in time for football season? Virtual high fives all around!
So, one of our cats escaped the house this week, and we basically had to capture her to get her back. She’s semi-feral, so it’s not like we can just go pick her up and take her back inside. Lemme tell ya, the best way to make friends with your neighbors is to sneak around the alleys wearing all black and carrying an animal cage. Um, yeah. As a bonus, we spent a lot of time watching the cage, and a lot of times it looked like we were peeping in people’s windows. Fab.
After 3 days of failed trapping and a near nervous breakdown, it turns out the best way to catch a semi-feral cat is to have two women get it to play with a cat dancer, scruff it, and then stick it in a trash can and put on the lid, all while you are inside watching The Real Housewives of Somewhere. If only I knew that from the start!
posted by AxnJxn at 8:23 AM
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