A note to Jack FM ... I know you have a playlist of a zillion songs, and you pride yourself on that. But, I think the majority of your listening audience would be quite fine if they never heard "Walk The Dinosaur" again ... ever. Call me crazy. Boom boom acka lacka lacka boom, and all that.

Oh, and for the out of towners, no, I don't have my own radio station - it's the name of a local station. I'm still waiting for the checks for using my name.

My New Year's resolutions:

Stop having sex with Angelina Jolie. I don't care how much she begs. I'm done.

Win money in Vegas. The casino owners out there have been struggling lately - they haven't built a billion dollar hotel shaped like a pyramid in a few weeks - so I've been giving them money to help with their issues. Seems they are back on their feet now, so I'm going to start winning money again. Same goes for the lottery.

Continue to worship Pez. What's not to like?

So, I was checking out the menu at Cheesecake Factory the other day, and I stumbled over this hoot. They have salads, right? But, they also have these things called "Weight Management" salads, which are lower in calories than their regular salads. Same salads, just less calories. Um, isn't that the purpose of a salad in the first place? Less calories? What class did I miss in school here? I thought about ordering one, and ordering a Diet Diet Coke with it or some Low Calorie Water.

Naturally, it got me thinking - do they have non-Weight Management stuff, too? Like, do they have a slice of cheesecake, but you can chase it with a stick of butter if you go the non-Weight Management route?

There's a new machine at our gym. It's called the Ab Solo. Basically, you grab a ball, do a situp, toss it into the machine on the way back up, and it comes back out at the bottom so you can do it again. I have a better name for it: the "I'm So Lame I Can't Find A Friend To Throw Me A Friggin' Ball" ab thingy. Naturally, it's my favorite machine.

I've started watching The Girls Next Door now and then. You can stop laughing now. Hey, I can rationalize watching this with two words: huge boobs. Everywhere. The three girls who are the stars of the show are constantly tipping over from being so top heavy, and one of them tried to dive in the pool the other day, but she just bounced right back out.

It is somewhat entertaining, but I swear I can feel my IQ dropping while I'm watching it. I start breathing through my mouth, I get a bit dizzy, and I seriously start to wonder if Chicken of the Sea is tuna or chicken. I'm pretty sure it's tuna. I think.